“What’s wrong?”
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is getting you out of this hellhole you’ve created for yourself. I kept thinking you’d grow tired here, but you’ve become too comfortable. Someone needs to kick your ass into action, and seeing how I’m the only one around, it might as well be me.”
My legs grew weak, and I stumbled back until I collapsed into a chair on the porch.
Nora straightened and came slowly toward me as if approaching a skiddish animal. “I know this will be hard, but you have to listen to me. You are too valuable a person to simply exist in some remote part of the world. People out there need you, your gifts and your talents, but the only way you’ll be of any use to anyone is if you learn to feel again. The good, the bad, the ugly, which I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of.”
I shook my head vehemently. “I can’t do that.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I’m afraid of myself, of what I might do. All I know is hate and anger.”
Nora straightened and rocked back on her heels. “There’s only one thing that will destroy that. You have to forgive. Forgive all those who have caused you pain.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Anyone tell you, you complain a lot? Nothing’s impossible. You just take a forgiveness knife to your heart and cut out all that hate, otherwise you’ll continue this empty existence forever.”
My heart raced. “Why should I forgive them? They don’t deserve it!”
Nora reached out and placed her surprisingly warm hand on my cheek. “It’s not for them, dear. It’s for you, because you deserve it.”
“I don’t know how to forgive.” I wasn’t even sure I knew how to feel anymore.
Nora squatted in front of me until she was at eye level. “Deal with the past, with all those who have hurt you. And as you remember, you’ll find that with everything they did to you, you had a choice in how you responded, whether it was to run away or let yourself be filled with hate. They may have bound you physically, but they couldn’t touch your mind. Think back. They never had any power over you. They still don’t, if you don’t let them. Once you realize this, you will be able to forgive because you know they can never hurt you again. And then, despite any obstacles, you will be free to experience happiness and love.”
I scowled. “I wouldn’t know what to do with love.”
Nora smiled. “That doesn’t matter. Love will know what to do with you.” She straightened and removed an envelope from her back pocket. “Let this be your last letter, Eve. Remember your life. See that they had no power over you. Then forgive.”
After dropping the letter into my lap, Nora touched the top of my head and then walked to her truck. The rumbling of the engine coming to life made me jump.
I didn’t say anything, didn’t feel anything as Nora disappeared into the trees, but I did ponder her words until I finally admitted I did want happiness, out there in the real world. And maybe if I could feel it, I could get over my self-loathing and finally do some good in the world to make up for all the horrible things I’d done.
I began with Charlie’s letters. Tentatively at first, afraid to read about the world outside my little cabin, but as I read over his words I found myself starving for the next letter and then the next. I tore through them, reading for many days.
Charlie spoke about the Deific mostly, about each of his missions and how they were helping people. It was evident that he loved his job and believed in what he was doing. After some time, however, his words focused on one thing: Moira, a woman he’d met while at the library. She was an elementary school teacher and a sports enthusiast. Charlie shared with me their many adventures, even the ones that didn’t go so well like the time they got stuck in the mountains and had to hike out. But he cherished every moment and all because of her, the woman he loved.
Eventually they married. I shed a tear of joy when he shared with me his wedding vows to Moira. He truly was happy, and in a way I envied him. Maybe one day I could be that happy too.
But after many more letters, something changed. He no longer spoke of Moira, and he lacked the passion he once held for his job. His letters were dark and spoke only of his hunt for evil in the world. This new side of Charlie worried me. Something horrible had happened to him, and my heart ached to help him.
I clutched the last letter to my heart. There’s no way Charlie could’ve known it, but after reading his letters and realizing that he was probably telling me things he told no other, I felt closer to him than anyone else in my life. Charlie had unknowingly become my dearest friend.