He knew he looked extremely sharp. He was wearing an amazing brocade tie.
“Who is at the door?” Raphael’s imperious voice drifted from the bathroom, and the rest of Raphael came with it, dressed in a towel but looking just as critical as ever. “I told you that you have to start keeping regular business hours, Bane.”
Ragnor squinted over at Raphael. Raphael looked balefully back at Ragnor. There was a certain tension in the air.
“Oh, Magnus,” said Ragnor, and he covered his eyes with one large green hand. “Oh no, no.”
“What?” said Magnus, puzzled.
Ragnor abruptly lowered his hand. “No, you’re right, of course. I’m being silly. He’s a vampire. He only looks fourteen. How old are you? I bet you’re older than either of us, ha-ha.”
Raphael looked at Ragnor as if he were mad. Magnus found it quite refreshing to have someone else looked at that way for a change.
“I’d be sixteen by now,” he said slowly.
“Oh, Magnus!” Ragnor wailed. “That’s disgusting! How could you? Have you lost your mind?”
“What?” Magnus asked again.
“We agreed eighteen was the cutoff age,” said Ragnor. “You, I, and Catarina made a vow.”
“A v— Oh, wait. You think I’m dating Raphael?” Magnus asked. “Raphael? That’s ridiculous. That’s—”
“That’s the most revolting idea I’ve ever heard.”
Raphael’s voice rang out to the ceiling. Probably people in the street could hear him.
“That’s a little strong,” said Magnus. “And, frankly, hurtful.”
“And if I did wish to indulge in unnatural pursuits—and let me be clear, I certainly do not,” Raphael continued scornfully, “as if I would choose him. Him! He dresses like a maniac, acts like a fool, and makes worse jokes than the man people throw rotten eggs at outside the Dew Drop every Saturday.”
Ragnor began to laugh.
“Better men than you have begged for a chance to win all this,” Magnus muttered. “They have fought duels in my honor. One man fought a duel for my honor, but that was a little embarrassing since it is long gone.”
“Do you know he spends hours in the bathroom sometimes?” Raphael announced mercilessly. “He wastes actual magic on his hair. On his hair!”
“I love this kid,” said Ragnor.
Of course he did. Raphael was filled with grave despair about the world in general, was eager to insult Magnus in particular, and had a tongue as sharp as his teeth. Raphael was obviously Ragnor’s soul mate.
“Take him,” Magnus suggested. “Take him far, far away.”
Instead Ragnor took a chair, and Raphael got dressed and joined him at the table.
“Let me tell you another thing about Bane,” Raphael began.
“I’m going out,” Magnus announced. “I’d describe what I’m going to do when I go out, but I find it hard to believe that either of you would understand the concept of ‘enjoying a good time with a group of entertaining companions.’ I do not intend to return until you people are done insulting your charming host.”
“So you’re moving out and giving me the apartment?” Raphael asked. “I accept.”
“Someday that smart mouth is going to get you into a lot of trouble,” Magnus called darkly over his shoulder.
“Look who’s talking,” said Ragnor.
“Hello?” said Raphael, as laconic as usual. “Damned soul.”
Worst roommate ever.
Ragnor stayed for thirteen days. They were the longest thirteen days of Magnus’s life. Every time Magnus tried to have a little fun, there they were, the short one and the green one, shaking their heads in tandem and then saying snotty things. On one occasion Magnus turned his head very quickly and saw them exchanging a fist bump.
“Write to me,” Ragnor said to Raphael when he was leaving. “Or call me on your telephone if you want. I know the youths like that.”
“It was great to meet you, Ragnor,” said Raphael. “I was beginning to think all warlocks were completely useless.”
It was not long after Ragnor left that Magnus tried to recall the last time Raphael had drunk blood. Magnus had always avoided thinking about how Camille got her meals, even when he’d loved her, and he did not want to see Raphael kill again. But he saw Raphael’s skin tone change, saw the strained look about his mouth, and thought about getting this far and having Raphael shrivel up out of sheer despair.
“Raphael, I don’t know quite how to put this, but are you eating right?” Magnus asked. “Until recently you were a growing boy.”
“El hambre agudiza el ingenio,” said Raphael.
Hunger sharpens the wit.
“Good proverb,” said Magnus. “However, like most proverbs, it sounds wise and yet does not actually clarify anything.”