“For who? Who says you have to be strong anymore? You are allowed to fall apart, because I will hold you through it. You can crumble, and I’ll hold the pieces together until you can pull yourself out of it.”
“You had Adrian turned into a Vampire because you wanted inside me, Ryder, and I’m not sure I can forgive you for doing it,” I said as I looked up to meet his eyes, and watch as he shut down once more. “You don’t get to put me back together when you shattered my world just to sleep with me. You took too much, and you won’t offer me anything in return, besides sex. You keep telling me that you want me, and, yet, you turn around, and tell me you are not in this for the long run. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I need someone who wants me.”
“I take what I want, and I wanted you. I made a stupid fucking choice according to the rules of this world, Syn, but I’d never wanted anything more in my entire life than I wanted to have you. I shouldn’t have stolen him from you, or fucked with you at all. I can’t give you what you want. I can’t be the man you need, Pet. I can only be this. I’m Fae, and, while it might not make sense to you, you have everything I can give freely of myself. I’m leaving Zahruk inside the house tonight. It’s not up for discussion.” He smiled roguishly and sifted over to the bed. He kissed my forehead, so gently that it shocked my heart. I’m pretty sure it stopped beating for a moment while his lips pressed against my skin.
“Ryder,” I whispered brokenly, but he’d already sifted out.
Chapter Nineteen
I lay curled in the covers, even though I wasn’t cold. I felt chilled to the bone with the information running through my head. If the Guild was picking a fight, then they were going to be up a shit creek with a lot of unneeded collateral damage as their paddles. It could send the entire world into a war that the humans would lose.
I should have told Ryder what Alden had said, but my brain was already running on overload, and today’s events had only made it worse. My surprise visitor was making it hard to think of much else. With him came the memories of that night. The presence of Ryder’s men did give me a level of comfort that I wouldn’t have had if he’d listened to me and taken them with him.
I’d have to thank him next time I saw him, which kind of sucked. My brain was bouncing from his gentle kiss to my forehead, my parents’ deaths, that horrible night. I now knew that they had died protecting me from whoever the blond Fae were. It hurt to know I had been right; that they had died for me.
I turned over in bed and shook my head at the sudden bout of dizziness that made the room spin. I felt a bolt of fire race through my body. Before I could even think, I was off the bed and running to the bathroom where I emptied my stomach violently. Strong hands helped me as I sat back away from the toilet. Calm, soothing fingers pulled my hair away from my face and a cold cloth was placed against my forehead softly.
“Syn, what the hell did you try to eat?” Ryder asked as he sat with me, cradled against his chest, on the cold bathroom floor.
“Food,” I whispered, fighting another wave of nausea. How the hell had he gotten here so fast?
“Your body should be able to digest food without any problems. Food didn’t cause this. Are you done?” he asked softly.
“I need to brush my teeth,” I replied, trying to stand up, but he was faster. He pulled me up against himself, and I felt his magic cleansing me from head to toe as he walked me back to the bed slowly.
“How long have you been sick?” he asked, helping me back into bed.
“I’m not sick. I just threw up.”
“Try to sleep. I sent the others home to sleep as well. I’ll make sure you are safe.”
“You sent everyone else home?” I asked, wondering how long ago they’d left.
“Yes. You need to feed soon, and the scent of your Transition can still affect the men. You need to rest tonight. Tomorrow, I will show you how to feed without sex, if you are strong enough. Most newly Transitioned Fae can’t feed without the sex. So don’t get your hopes up.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He was actually teasing me, which was unlike him. I was so used to his demands and his orders that it caught me off guard.
I crooked my arm under my head and watched him as he sat down in the overstuffed chair next to my bed removing his shirt. My eyes slid down his torso to the small dark patch of hair that led deeper into his loose fitting jeans. “Alden came by today. He said he thinks the Guild is siding with the Mages who are attacking the Fae. He also said that the Guild is spreading propaganda that the Mages are the true ancestors of the Druids.” I kept my eyes leveled with his, and waited for the explosion that would surely follow my words.
His face gave nothing away as he replied, “I know. I’ve always known the Guild had a part to play in the Mages game. I have been watching them for a long time, sizing up the enemy, and seeing what cards they held. I always stack the deck in my favor.”