“It doesn't matter to me who I was, Ristan. The only thing that I care about right now is finishing Transition, and getting the fuck out of here. I am who I was before. Just because I'm Transitioning doesn't mean I actually changed the core or character of who I am. I'm still me and being Fae doesn't change me; it changes my DNA only.”
He smiled and messed his long inky-black hair up as he ran his large hand through it. “I don’t like mysteries, and, right now you and Adam are the only wild cards in my life. I can see pretty far into everyone else’s future—hell, I can tell you most of what will play out for the next week, but not the two of you. I can't even tell what you will have for dinner.”
“Ryder. Because he owns me, I'll be having Ryder for dinner, right up until the very second I'm done with his contract. Then, you can bet your ass that he won't be on my menu. Besides, the future is never set, because a single choice can change everything.”
“Exactly, Synthia. Hence why I need to know where you fit in. I don’t like the fact that I can’t see your future, or where you fit into Ryder’s—”
“Ryder’s, what?” Ryder asked from the door.
“Ryder, I was explaining to Synthia why unknown factors shouldn't be left as unknown.”
“She doesn't need to know any of this, Ristan,” Ryder warned with his eyes on me.
“Yeah, I get it—knowing too much is dangerous. And anything that doesn't fit in your plan gets itself killed. But then, you'd know all about that now, wouldn't you, Ryder?” I sneered, before turning and leaving the bedroom. I slammed the bathroom door and considered sifting out, but then I'd probably land at his fucking feet and defeat the purpose. Besides, I was almost out of his fucking contract and then I'd be gone for good.
Chapter Fourteen
The next few days were spent learning to sift, which mostly consisted of me landing on my knees in front of Ryder, whom I wanted nothing to do with. I reached up and wiped the sweat from my face, before huffing in frustration and trying again.
I’d been ignoring him since the day I’d over heard his little conversation with Adam. It had dug its way to the top of the box inside my head, and every time I looked at him since, I could hear him telling Adam I meant nothing to him. I’d been putting distance between us, and no matter how hard I tried, I failed at it. I should hate him, but the truth was: I didn’t. I was hurt and angry all the way to my soul, but I didn’t hate him.
Ryder had been silent and brooding as I ignored him. There was a tension around the mansion that was palpable. Even his men gave him a wide berth when he walked through the room. I hadn't brought up what I'd overheard because it probably wouldn't change anything, or change how he felt for that matter.
My goal now was to finish Transition and figure out my next steps, without including Ryder. I was getting too close, feeling too much for him, which I should have known better than to do. I was becoming the type of female who wanted a mate in her life and, even though I did want love, now wasn’t the right time, and Ryder had shown me he was absolutely not the right man.
“Focus.” He growled. “Picture what you want. Put it inside your mind and visualize it,” Ryder said from where he stood across the yard.
Adam was my focal point. It should have been easy. It wasn't. I had been at it for days now, and the hunger was becoming all I could think about, and I wasn't caving in. I wouldn't give in and allow Ryder to use me. After his little speech to Adam, I'd made a vow to myself that I wouldn't be used by him again. If anyone would be used, it would be him. But it would be on my terms, and I'd make damn sure he knew it.
I closed my eyes and tried again, and groaned when I felt the wet grass beneath my jeans again. I pushed off the ground and spun around ignoring Ryder as he held out his arm to grab me. When I was across the yard again, I closed my eyes, shutting out the world. I'd tried everything, and either I was defective, or I hadn't found the power within, as Ryder kept calling it.
Adam could sift with ease. He'd done it on his first attempt perfectly. I was distracted by everything inside my mind and everything going on around me, and everyone trying to keep me in the dark was making matters worse. I tried to send out my senses and pulled them back, afraid to tap the leyline. I opened my eyes and caught Ryder's cocky smirk as he looked from me to the ground that had actual imprints from my knees.
I was tired, and cramping from hunger. Frustrated and pushed to my limits, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my magic, the magic I was used to. Everything was colliding together. Hunger pushed at me as my mind grasped what it could. I smiled as power suddenly rushed through me. Shouts erupted from Adam as he felt me tapping the leyline. My mind had been so jumbled. I hadn’t even realized that I’d tapped the leyline. I opened my eyes as Ryder snarled and sifted to me, shoving me to the ground.
Ryder’s men were instantly surrounding us as I released the line, realizing the mistake I’d made. Ryder was the first to speak as his men closed in around us. “What the fuck, Syn?”