“I do,” he conceded, running his fingers down the nape of my neck. “I thought I was never going to see you again.” His eyes darted to the floor and then back to me. “The prospect took its toll.” His lips pursed. “I don’t want you to worry, Charisse. I protected your father for as long as he allowed me. And I’ll protect you, too. I swear it on my—”
“My father?” I asked, my eyes glazing over. He had mentioned him the other night, but I’d been too angry to consider it. But it would explain the picture I’d found in Abram’s study. “My father’s a—”
“He was a Supplicant as well. Yes.”
“Was?” I asked, my voice quivering.
I hadn’t thought about whether my father was alive or dead for a long time. Sometimes I would pretend he was dead. It somehow made things easier. He was the bastard who left me. Who cared if he died?
But I was beginning to think there might be more to my father’s story than what I knew, and being confronted with the possibility of his death now wasn’t making anything easier.
The look that passed through Abram’s eyes told me all I needed to about my father’s fate. But he continued anyway.
“He was a good man, Charisse. One of the best friends I ever had. I know it must be hard for you to entertain the thought that he loved you, but—”
“No!” I said, shaking my head, surprised at the stream of hot tears that drove their way down my cheeks.
“Charisse, things were complicated,” Abram answered, wiping my tears away with his massive and powerful thumb. “There were factors involved that none of us could see coming, least of all him. I told him that I could keep you both safe. That nothing would ever harm you. I promised him that. But he couldn’t bear the thought of putting you in danger. It was all for you, Charisse.”
“Then he should have stayed!” I yelled, batting Abram’s hand away. “You have no idea how hard things were for me and my mom. She worked herself to death—literally to death! And all because my dad didn’t have the balls to stand up to the people who were after him.”
“You know they aren’t people, Charisse, not really. And you should know, he did stand up to them. That’s how he wound up dead.”
My mind revolted the idea. I couldn’t let go of being angry at my father. It was my only line of defense at not falling completely apart at the idea I had lost him.
“So Conduits killed him,” I said. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“They’re monsters, Charisse. Like me.”
“You’re not a monster,” I said instinctively.
And I meant it. In that moment, looking in Abram’s repentant eyes, I realized that not only did I believe everything he said to be true, but I always had. Ever since the first words came tumbling out of his mouth, I knew that my life would never be the same. I had run away because I was afraid—afraid of what he was saying, afraid of what I was feeling for him.
“Charisse, I was a monster before I ever became a beast. That is why Satina cursed me. And I am every bit the monster they are now, but without their ability to channel magic myself.”
“You’re a different kind of monster now, but you aren’t a monster where it counts,” I said, my fingers tracing over his chest, across his heart. My face flushed hot, and I quickly dropped my hand away. “But that doesn’t excuse anything you’ve done. And it doesn’t excuse my father for leaving me in this world not knowing the truth.”
“He had your best interests at heart,” Abram answered. “If he were here—”
“If he were here, he would be alive!” I shouted. “But he isn’t. I’m sure things were complicated. Things always are. But you don’t leave the people you care about, Abram! Love doesn’t run.”
“It doesn’t?” he asked, his voice suddenly strained. Abram blinked hard, and his expression said everything he didn’t. Love doesn’t run. But that was what I had been doing every step of the way.
I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, Abram shook his head and continued.
“You have every right to be upset,” he said, “but not at your father. He only wanted to keep you out of harm’s way.” He folded his arms over his hulking chest. “Part of my curse, a piece of what Satina did to me, was penance. She had found me lacking in life, heartless, and without even the slightest compassion for humanity. To that end, she compelled me to help people who were in need. I doubt she had in mind that I would be protecting Supplicants, but I made that my mission. And that is how I came to know your father. The people who came after him, looking to use his blood to power horrible spells, they were vicious. We both knew they would stop at nothing to drain every drop of blood from his body. And, because you were like him, from your body, too.”
“Bullshit,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “Blood replenishes. Why kill a never ending source?”
Abram stepped in closer, intimidating in his stature. His face hard, his eyebrows lifted as though to question me challenging him. My heart skipped a beat, and my body betrayed me with the complete wrong reaction—arousal.