Tainted Night, Tainted Blood

33



I don’t remember sitting down on the bottom step. The gun had fallen from my hand, clattered to the floor, much like Thomas’s sword had fallen from his own. It laid there, an accusation all in itself.

Time passed. I’m not sure how long. I just sat there, staring at the body across the room. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. The blood was really on the walls, on the floor, yet I knew it was on my hands more than anything else.

“Kat?” Ethan approached slowly. I raised my head numbly toward him. He had a bloody towel in his hands. I didn’t even remember him running past me to get it.

He looked at me and didn’t say anything right away. There were tears on his face. It mixed with the blood covering him from nearly head to foot. How had he gotten so bloody?

It was then I remembered Jonathan. I turned my gaze to the limp form. More bloody towels lay next to him. He had been rolled over onto his back. Both his arms were draped across a towel resting on his stomach. His head was turned my way. He was alive.

“What are we going to do with him?” Ethan asked. “He’s bleeding pretty badly and I don’t know how to stop it.”

I didn’t know what to say. I swung my gaze back around to Thomas. He lay unmoving, his blood soaking the floor. I knew if I were to look into his eyes, there would be nothing there. He was dead.

And I had killed him.

“Kat?”

“I don’t f*cking care!” I shouted, rounding on Ethan. He winced and took a step back. He nearly slipped in blood.

Jonathan couldn’t move, but I caught the tightness in his eyes. He looked hurt, but it wasn’t in a physical sense.

And I didn’t care.

“Get him out of here.” I nearly spat the words.

“Should I take him somewhere?” Ethan asked, voice trembling. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Take him to a f*cking doctor,” I snarled. I put my head in my hands. I felt dead inside. Was there anything left to live for?

Ethan backed away and went to help Jonathan, who moaned as Ethan grabbed him under the arms. I didn’t look at them. I didn’t even move as Ethan worked the paralyzed werewolf past me and up the stairs.

Alone with the body, everything felt blacker. I had worked so hard to help Thomas, only to kill him instead. I’d been so distracted by everything else, I hadn’t thought clearly. If Jonathan and the goddamn Cult hadn’t always been lurking in the background, maybe I could have saved him.

I knew I was fooling myself. I wanted someone else to blame. Adrian hadn’t been here. Jonathan hadn’t pulled the trigger. I was taking my frustrations out on everyone but the one person who deserved it.

I rose to my feet and looked away from the body. I couldn’t stand staring at it anymore. I would always see it every time I closed my eyes, would always hear the last sound he made. I didn’t need to stare at him while my eyes were open.

I trembled and leaned my head against the wall. Had he tried to say my name? Had that last sound simply been another growl or snarl from a mindless beat? I’d never know, not after what I had done.

The door upstairs opened and closed. A few moments later, a car started up and the crunch of gravel quickly followed. I waited for the door to open again, figuring Ethan would come back so I could apologize to him.

He didn’t return.

I numbly walked up the stairs. Ethan was gone. I should have known he would be forced to take Jonathan to a doctor somewhere. It probably was killing him to have to go out and leave me behind. He was afraid of the outdoors, and yet he managed to face his fear when someone’s life was at stake.

And I hadn’t.

I let Thomas break free. I could have used silver dust to paralyze him. I could have left a knife in his side, could have done any number of things and he would still be alive right now.

Disgust filled me. What had I done right recently? How many people had to die because of me, because of my weakness?

I found myself walking out the front door. My Honda was there waiting; I mounted up and started the engine. I tore out of the driveway and hit the road so fast I nearly spun out.

I didn’t care. Someone could come along and hit me with a truck and I wouldn’t give a f*ck. Thomas was lying dead in my basement, as was my entire reason for living.

Tears coursed down my cheeks unabated. I couldn’t hold them back any longer. They were the only thing that kept me from exploding.

The wind whipped at me, blew my hair around my face, concealing my misery. My back was bleeding again. I barely felt it. I was free, free to go and do whatever I wanted. What did I have holding me down?

I drove, heedless to where I was going. I just wanted to get away, remove myself from the spot where my world ended. I would drive and drive, and when I stopped, maybe then I could let the reality of what had happened hit me.

I knew I couldn’t run from it, but I sure as hell was going to try.

A sign drifted by. I didn’t have to look at it to know what it said.

Delai shone up ahead. There was no traffic here, just an empty road leading to oblivion. It was the only place I knew to go.

The day was quickly coming. I could feel the first hints of the sun’s rays on my back. I felt weak, hardly able to keep my head up. I just wanted to lie down in the middle of the road and let the sun finish me off. I deserved nothing less.

But I kept driving. I passed DeeDee’s, then turned down a road I had traveled only once before. I stopped in front of a house and sat there, staring at windows lit with a soft glow. Even now, in the wee hours of the morning, someone was awake.

I shut off the engine and headed for the front door. I didn’t think, didn’t consider what I was doing. I let my legs carry me, let them guide me to the one place I felt safe.

The door opened as I reached the front stoop. Levi stepped out, a smile on his face. He opened the door wide for me. He looked almost triumphant.

I walked past him, into the house, into my new sanctuary.

He closed the door behind me. The light by the sofa flickered.

A hand rested on my shoulder. I looked back and Levi’s fingers tightened in assurance.

“Welcome home,” he said.

I closed my eyes and let him lead me to my room.