He was right. I could feel a faint pang in my chest, and a fading echo of the agony in my head. Frost continued covering the little girl, and she sighed, her knees buckling.
My double and I both stooped down and caught her before she could fall.
I picked her up. She didn’t weigh anything. She didn’t look dangerous. She just looked like a little girl.
Her eyes fluttered open. “I’m sorry,” she stammered. “Sorry. But it hurts and I c-c-couldn’t talk to you.”
I traded a look with my double and then looked down at her. “It’s okay,” I said. “It’s okay. I’m going to take care of it. It’ll be all right.”
She sighed slightly and her eyes closed. Frost covered her in fine layers upon layers, as the spell on Mab’s earring wrapped her in sleep and silence, stilling her—for now—and turning her into a beautiful white statue.
I hadn’t even known she was there—and she was entirely my responsibility.
And if I didn’t handle it, she would kill me being born.
I passed her carefully to my double. “Okay,” I said. “I’ve got it.”
He took her, very gently, and gave me a nod. “I know she’s weird. But she’s still your offspring.” His dark eyes flashed. “Protect the offspring.”
Primal drives indeed.
I’d torn apart a nation protecting my physical child. I was looking at part of the reason why. That drive was a part of me, too.
I took a deep breath and nodded to him. “I’m on it,” I said.
He wrapped the girl in a blanket and turned to carry her back into the darkness. He took the light with him, and darkness swallowed me again.
“Hey,” my double called abruptly, from the distance.
“What?”
“Don’t forget the dream!” he said. “Don’t forget how it ended!”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“You flipping idiot!” my double snarled.
And then he was gone along with everything else.
Twenty-four
I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of Karrin’s bedroom. It was dark. I was lying down. Light from the hallway came creeping under the bedroom door, and was almost too bright for my eyes.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” Butters’s voice was saying. “I don’t know. There’s no AMA-approved baseline for a freaking wizard Knight of Winter. He could be in shock. He could be bleeding from the brain. He could be really, really sleepy. Dammit, Karrin, this is what hospitals and practicing physicians are for!”
I heard Karrin blow out a breath. “Okay,” she said, without any kind of heat. “What can you tell me?”
“His arm’s broken,” Butters said. “From the swelling and bruising, badly. Whatever put that dent in the aluminum brace on it—did he get it taken care of in a tool shop?—rebroke it. I set it again, I think, and wrapped it up in the brace again, but I can’t be sure I did it right without imaging equipment, which would probably explode if he walked into the room with it. If it hasn’t been set right, that arm might be permanently damaged.” He blew out a breath. “The hole in his chest wasn’t traumatic, by his usual standards. It didn’t go through the muscle. But the damned nail was rusty, so I hope he’s had his tetanus shots. I gave the hole another stitch and I washed the blood off the nail.”
“Thank you,” Karrin said.
Butters’s voice was weary. “Yeah,” he sighed. “Sure. Karrin . . . can I tell you something?”
“What?”
“This thing he’s got going with Mab,” Butters said. “I know that everyone thinks it’s turned him into some kind of superhero. But I don’t think that’s right.”
“I’ve seen him move,” she said. “I’ve seen how strong he is.”
“So have I,” Butters said. “Look . . . the human body is a pretty amazing machine. It really is. It can do really amazing things—much more so than most people think, because it’s also built to protect itself.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Inhibitors,” Butters said. “Every person walking around is about three times stronger than they think they are. I mean, your average housewife is actually about as strong as a fairly serious weight lifter, when it comes to pure mechanics. Adrenaline can amp that even more.”
I could hear the frown in Karrin’s voice. “You’re talking about when mothers lift cars off their kid, that kind of thing.”
“Exactly that kind of thing,” Butters said. “But the body can’t function that way all the time, or it will tear itself apart. That’s what inhibitors are built for—to keep you from injuring yourself.”
“What does that have to do with Dresden?”
“I think that what this Winter Knight gig has done for him is nothing more than switching off those inhibitors,” Butters said. “He hasn’t added all that much muscle mass. It’s the only thing that makes sense. The body is capable of those moments of startling strength, but they’re meant to be something that you pull out of the hat once or twice in a lifetime—and with no inhibitors and no ability to feel pain, Dresden’s running around doing them all the time. And there’s no real way he can know it.”
Karrin was silent for several seconds, digesting that. Then she said, “Bottom line?”
“The more he leans on this ‘gift,’” Butters said, and I could picture him making air quotes, “the more he tears himself to shreds. His body heals remarkably, but he’s still human. He’s got limits, somewhere, and if he keeps this up, he’s going to find them.”
“What do you think will happen?”
Butters made a thoughtful sound. “Think about . . . a football player or boxer who has it hard and breaks down in his early thirties, because he’s just taken too damned much punishment. That’s Dresden, if he keeps this up.”
“I’m sure that once we explain that to him, he’ll retire to a job as a librarian,” Karrin said.
Butters snorted. “It’s possible that other things in his system are being affected the same way,” he said. “Testosterone production, for example, any number of other hormones, which might be influencing his perception and judgment. I’m not sure he’s actually got any more real power at all. I think it just feels that way to him.”
“This is fact or theory?”
“An informed theory,” he said. “Bob helped me develop it.”
Son of a bitch. I kept quiet and thought about that one for a minute.
Could that be true? Or at least, more true than it wasn’t?
It would be consistent with the other deal I’d worked out with a faerie—my godmother, Lea, had made a bargain to give me the power to defeat my old mentor, Justin DuMorne. Then she’d tortured me for a while, assuring me that it would give me strength. It did, though mostly, in retrospect, because I had believed it had.
Had I been magic-feathered by a faerie again?
And yet . . . at the end of the day, I could lift a freaking car.
Sure you can, Harry. But at what price?
No wonder the Winter Knights stayed in the job until they died. If Butters was right, they would have been plunged into the crippling agony of their battered bodies the moment the mantle was taken from them.
Sort of the same way I had just been rendered into agonized Jell-O when the Genoskwa had shoved a nail into me.
“I worry,” Butters said quietly, “that he’s changing. That he doesn’t know it.”
“Look who’s talking,” Karrin said. “Batman.”
“That was one time,” Butters said.