We’d arranged to meet at the pack compound the next morning, so I wasn’t expecting anyone to interrupt my pity party that final night. After giving up on reading, I ended up simply lying on top of the covers in my room, watching darkness settle over the trees outside as I tried not to think about tomorrow. This is how I’d spent far too much of my time as a teenager, mostly because my father had strict standards for what a young woman could and could not do—few fun things made the cut. I’d thought it was painful then just waiting for time to pass, but the inactivity felt even worse now that I had so much more to lose.
A tap on the windowpane drew me back into the present, and I was surprised to see Wolfie’s human face peering in from the outdoors. Although I missed our time together, I had considered it a blessing over the last few days that Wolfie stuck to his canine form. His wolf helped me firm up my resolve, and I’d slowly worked myself around to believing that Wolfie really was more wolf than man, and that I wouldn’t hurt him unduly with my betrayal. Now, his change back to human form came as a shock, even though my heart jolted with welcome.
The alpha pointed toward the door, and after wrestling with my inner guilt, I padded across the cold floor on bare feet to let him in. Wolfie immediately moved to take me into his arms, but I stepped back skittishly, only sinking into a chair once the alpha had chosen a spot on the couch five feet away.
“The pack thought you might want to run with us tonight,” Wolfie said after a minute, his voice scratchy from disuse, and I shivered, imagining what it would be like to run in wolf form with other werewolves around me. I could almost see the rough-housing yahoos, the sleek beauty of Wolfie and Chase trying to out-pace each other, and my own exuberance as the pack activity swirled around me. I hadn’t run with a pack in a decade and now the ache in my stomach hit me so hard I almost doubled over. This was what I’d be losing by going back to Haven.
I had to shut down the vision before I begged Wolfie to keep me from going to Haven tomorrow. “I’m shiftless, remember,” I bit out, the words harsher than I’d meant for them to be. But I could breathe again, at least, so the astringency was worth it.
Rather than taking offense, Wolfie tilted his head to one side and considered me for a moment. “You’d change in a group shift,” he said confidently. The alpha was suggesting that I be treated like an uninitiated teenager, pulling out my wolf form using proximity to other werewolves changing their skins, and the idea was just as enticing as it was embarrassing. I would have swallowed my pride and gone for the group shift in a heartbeat if I’d planned to stick around, but Wolfie’s pack wasn’t mine, and it would be better for me to get used to that fact now rather than later. The last thing I needed to do was to bond more with Wolfie’s pack and then not to have the guts to go through with my plan tomorrow.
I simply shook my head, and Wolfie scooted closer toward me along the couch, ending up with his knees almost touching mine. “Or we could practice your shift right now,” he suggested. The wolfishness in his voice had disappeared and the words were suddenly silky smooth. I shivered again, but this time because I could almost feel the alpha’s hands running over my body, my wolf reveling in the caress. I noticed her waking up inside me, and even felt the first hint of hairs pushing their way through the skin of my arms. Tonight we can run, the wolf panted, and maybe more … . My breathing came faster and I was a hair’s breadth away from welcoming my furred sister to join me right then and there.
No, I barked back, and before my weaker half could betray us, I jumped to my feet. “No,” I repeated, this time aloud. Despite my abruptness, Wolfie rose to stand toe to toe with my human body. He didn’t reach out to touch me, but I could feel the heat of his body warming the air between us and his breath seemed to whisper across my skin.