“Your grandparents put their foot down.” Mom sighed deeply, painfully. “I had a long talk with your grandma and she said it’s too difficult and they don’t want to relive this every year.”
I whirled around. “Relive the fact they had a grandson?” I said in a hurt voice.
She calmly placed her hands on my shoulders. The dinner had become a tradition, although I was usually upset by the end of the party.
“We’re his family, Lexi. That’s all that matters. If your father were here, he might have agreed with them. I called off the dinner, so no one will be coming. It’s just going to be a quiet day with us three girls.”
I should have been happy because dinner always consisted of a few aunts and uncles, not to mention dysfunctional cousins I saw only at funerals or weddings, and several neighbors my parents had known for years. My biggest complaint was that no one talked about Weston at the party. It was just a casual get-together and then a sorrowful “damn shame that happened” goodbye at the door. Now it felt like this was evidence that no one really cared about remembering him but us.
Which was a lie. At some point, people had to move on from grief and tragedy. I knew this, and yet I struggled more than anyone with accepting his death. Over the years, my mom had acquired a coping mechanism I just didn’t have when it came to Wes. He’d been more than a brother—he’d been my protector, my friend, and someone who would be there for me long after our parents left this earth. Wes and I had been as close as siblings could be. I’d confided to him that he was going to walk me down the aisle because our dad would probably pick his butt and then give some embarrassingly long speech about how I’d never amount to anything but a barefoot and pregnant wife. Dad had never been the most encouraging man, and maybe that’s why Wes took over that role in looking out for me.
Three years after Wes died, my dad left us. All of us, including Maizy—who would never grow up with a father. Maybe it was for the better, all things considered, but it stung. Mom was in constant denial, and it showed in the way she talked about him like he was deceased and not living in Florida. At least, that’s where we last heard he was. I tried thirty-six times to contact him via phone and mail, but never got through.
Sometimes I wondered if Wes would have liked the idea that Dad split. I should have been upset, but we girls made a great team. Mom was much too young to retire, so she held a part-time job in order to take care of Maizy. I’d helped as often as I could in the beginning because daycare was too expensive. Now that Maizy was in school, life was a little easier.
Aside from our family tragedies, we led normal lives. I talked to Wes in my head a lot and didn’t pine over his death, except on this day, because it had always been made into a big production. It was the only time I visited his grave, because seeing it made his absence too real.
Maizy’s white shoes clicked on the blue tile and I lifted her up onto the cabinet, twirling my fingers in her blond hair. It wasn’t bright like April’s—more like the color of sunshine smeared across the floor at sunrise.
“You look garjus today. Like a little diva fashion model.”
She squealed out a giggle. “Mommy bought me a pretty ring. See?”
Maizy held up her little fingers so I could admire the pink stone. I winked at my mom. “Mommy has good taste.”
“Someday, I’m going to marry a prince and he’s going to give me one just like this.”
I softly kissed her cheek. “Yes, you will. Now why don’t we… race to the car!” I splayed my fingers across her belly, tickling until she screamed, jumped down, and went flying across the house.
“I’m going to beat you!” she called out.
“Lexi!” my mom scolded. “The whole neighborhood can hear that child when she screams.”
“Well, guess that means you don’t need the tornado sirens. Just give her a bullhorn and we can put her on the roof—”
Mom popped me on the butt with her hand and I chuckled. I might have been in my late twenties, but that woman still saw me as the smart-mouthed little girl who once stood up on a counter at a department store, folded my arms, and announced to everyone that perfume made you smell like a stinky pig. It was a protest because my mom wanted to buy me a bottle of the little girl’s stuff that smelled like overripe bananas.
Ever since then, I’ve despised bananas.
“Let’s go before it gets hot,” I decided. “Do you want to eat at Dairy Queen or come home and make sandwiches?”
Mom grabbed her purse and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. I reached out and hugged her tight.
“Let’s eat out.” She sniffled against my hair. “Maizy can get a chocolate-dipped cone. She likes those. I don’t ever want her to go through life not having the things she wants. Sometimes I still feel guilty for not buying Wes a skateboard when he was nine. I should have given him everything,” she said in a broken voice.
Tears welled in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. “It’s okay, Mom. I know. You gave him love, and that was all he needed.”