Perfect Shadows

chapter 18

I was not long from my bed, standing on shaky legs before the fire, lost in thought, waiting in the study for Geoffrey to return from Northumberland’s. I didn’t hear him come in, and only knew he was in the room when he caught my shoulder and spun me about. “You fool!” he snarled, and before I could back away he struck me hard across the mouth, knocking me to the floor. His eyes seemed to glow with his bloodlust and wrath, and when I tried to regain my feet he knocked me down again, landing on top of me this time. He dragged me to my knees, twisting my arms up behind me with one hand and pulling my head back by my hair with the other. Struggling against him only caused my arms to be forced to the point of dislocation. Unable to move, I waited. I felt the movement of the air across my throat as his teeth found their mark, and tensed against the assault.

“Geoffrey!” Nicolas shouted, and Geoffrey turned his head to face him. “Let him go.” Geoffrey tightened his grip and I clenched my teeth to keep from crying out at the pain in my shoulders. “I will take him into my custody,” Nicolas added, and Geoffrey released me. He stood then, leaving me on the floor at his feet. I struggled to a sitting position, but felt too weak to rise from my place before the hearth. Geoffrey ignored me while he paced and told us the outcome of his meeting with Northumberland.

Percy had denied everything, and insinuated that unless the entire matter were dropped it could go very ill indeed for both Sir Walter and for us. We were far more vulnerable than he, and he would see that we were hunted down and killed should the matter be made public, and public it would be should any harm come to the earl.

“We will certainly kill him,” Geoffrey snarled when he finished his account. He crossed the room to stand leaning on the mantelpiece and I scuttled away from him. He smiled cruelly at that, then continued, “The only questions are when and how. If he rises a vampire from this depraved deed, he must be killed, and at what cost then? I would kill him now in a manner that will preclude his rising at all.” He turned his eyes, like burning steel, on me, and waited in silence.

“There is little chance that he will not rise, if his fear of dying could drive him into . . .” I found myself unable to continue.

“No, that is not so,” Nicolas said thoughtfully. “Simple fear of death has never made a vampire in the history of the world, but only the will to live, to survive. They are not one and the same.”

“There are other ways to preclude his rising,” Geoffrey said, still eyeing me.

“This is neither the time nor the place, Geoffrey,” Nicolas said.

“What does he mean?” I asked, suspecting that I would rather not know.

“That killing you before his death will undo the effect of the exchange, ”Geoffrey said flatly. The room spun as I scrambled to my feet, and I caught at Nicolas’s angry voice as if it were a lifeline.

“We do not know that! It is merest superstition! Are there so many of us that we should sacrifice Kit, only to find that we still have a rogue vampire on the loose, and one less of us to call on as ally? Is that not so?”

Geoffrey nodded curtly, and turned again to me. “Since it seems that you will be among us yet a while,” he said coldly, “you may tell us why you allowed yourself to be taken so.” I recoiled at the deadly tone of the rebuke. “You endangered not only yourself, but every one of us by your foolhardiness. You did not even tell Jehan, who might then at least have given us an idea of whereto begin a search.” His burning eyes had turned to ice.

“I never thought—”

“No, you did not.” Geoffrey’s voice was a whiplash, but I found myself pushed too far, angry rather than cowed.

“I am not a child!” I said, through clenched teeth.

“That is precisely the thing that you are! Even were you whole, you are yet young in our ways, and your impairment makes you vulnerable where another would be strong. You agreed once to live under my rule, Christopher, and though I give you into Nicolas’s care, this you must yet do. We will make it as agreeable as we may, but you will submit, by choice, or by force, if necessary.” I knew what he meant, that if I did not comply either he or Nicolas, perhaps both, would feed on my blood, to enforce their domination. I nodded, unable to force words past the burning knot of anger, alarm, and shame that choked me. I rose then, and returned unsteadily to my room. Mephistophilis’ words came back—crippled, he had called me. Crippled I was, and must learn to curb my defiance before I died of it.



A few days before All Hallows, I paced the South Gallery at Nonsuch, waiting. I had met Percy once or twice at court and the revulsion was almost overwhelming. Though the man had taken no overt notice of me, I could sense the intensity of his constant scrutiny and it had prompted me to ask for this present interview. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and continued my pacing. It had felt like hours, but the full moon shining on the frosted garden had moved no more than a finger’s width across the sky when she joined me, announced by a tapping of jeweled slippers and the rustle of white and tawny silk. “How now, Shadow? Mumping?” The brittle teasing tone failed to hide the concern in the old woman’s voice.

“Majesty, I—” I broke off as she frowned, then drew a breath and began again. “Majesty, I beg you, banish me from court. There is one here whom I cannot meet,” I reached an imploring hand, which she caught in her own, drawing me from the shadows. She began to untie the small ruffs at my wrists, slapping my hand smartly as I tried to pull back. First one ruff then the other fell away. She pursed her lips at what she saw there, and searched my face for a moment before retying the ruffs as deftly as any tiring-maid. She turned to the window, watching the moon as she spoke tome. “My lord, I have spent some little of my time in the Tower, and while none dared to fetter me, I know the marks of shackles well enough.” She wheeled to face me, eyes glittering in the candlelight. “Was it my lord of Essex?” she demanded sharply.

“Majesty! No! No, it was not,” I gasped.

“And you will not tell me who did this to you, or for what purpose?” I shook my head dumbly, and she shrugged, setting her wide standing collar of lace moving gracefully. She slipped a ring from her thumb, and took my hand.” When you have need to see me, for any reason, send this ring to me and I shall arrange to see you.” I examined the ring and found that it was a simple medallion showing a maiden in a small boat on a stormy sea. Though made only of pewter, it was set in finest gold. “It was a token that—my mother—” I knew by her voice how difficult any mention of her mother was for her, “gave to my father, once upon a time, and he had it set in this ring. I found it not long ago, shoved into a dusty box of half-forgotten documents. You have few enough friends, cousin, though enemies aplenty; send this to me when the jackals close in. Now, come along, my lord, and watch this aged dragon, that has swallowed my maiden youth, breath some fire—mind you do not get singed in the blast.”

“This is not your barbarous Sybria, my lord clodpoll!” Elizabeth screeched, slapping my face noisily as we stepped into the brightly lit Hall, riveting the attention of the entire court. I stepped back, raising my hand to my flaming cheek. She had pivoted, hitting me on my blind side, and I had had no warning, just the stinging crack of her hand on my flesh. “Go, now! I am done with shadows at my court.” Essex slid silkily to the old woman’s side, his expression bordering on a smirk. I bowed low, kissing her offered hand, and leaned close to her to speak softly as I rose.

“I see the maiden, quite plainly,” I whispered. She gave me a violent shove, and, with the eye away from Essex, winked. “Your Majesty,” I said formally, “I leave you, then, to the sun. If you have want or need of me, you know where—”

“Shadows are found? Under rocks, I believe,” drawled an insolent voice from somewhere behind Essex.

“Hal,” Essex remonstrated, magnanimous in his perceived victory, and the Earl of Southampton stepped forward to view me, as if I were a freak at a fair. I returned the favor, causing the elegant man to drop his eyes, and shrug off the confrontation with a laugh.

“You have my leave, my lord,” Elizabeth snapped, turning her back, and I marched from the Hall to a chorus of ill-concealed titters. I fled to the stables, barked an order to the stable-boy, and galloped off into the night, trembling and sick. Northumberland had been there, I could feel him watching. I hadn’t seen him, but hadn’t needed to. The crawling in my flesh had been quite sufficient.