Nobody's Princess

Eunike seemed able to read my thoughts as well as the future. “It doesn’t have to be fancy here,” she said. “This is the way I like it. Now come sit down and tell me why you’re dressed like that.”


Milo sank to the floor at her feet, cross-legged, while I sat on the bed beside her. She caught one whiff of my clothes, wrinkled her nose, and slid as far away from me as possible. “I’m sorry about the smell, but it’s part of my plan,” I told her. Suddenly I was embarrassed by how badly my tunic reeked, and I had to say something to save face.

“What plan? To empty Delphi? By Apollo, Helen, I spend the best part of my life surrounded by the smoke of braziers, inhaling harsh fumes from the heart of the earth, and even I can barely stand to smell you!”

“And that means no one else will want to linger near me for too long either,” I said. “It’s all I want, at least until Milo and I are well away from this city.” And I began to tell her what I had in mind.

“A weapons bearer?” Eyes wide with incredulity, the Pythia interrupted me before I was done. “You’re going to try passing yourself off as a weapons bearer in order to reach Iolkos?”

“We both are,” I said, indicating Milo. “Every hero needs one, so it makes sense that my brothers would need two.” I sprang up and struck a pleading pose, speaking to an imaginary traveler. “May the gods favor you, good sir, can you help us get to Iolkos? My friend and I are following our masters, Castor and Polydeuces, the Spartan princes. We were separated on the road when Milo here fell ill.” Milo coughed dutifully from the floor, then looked to me for approval.

“And what if you happen to meet your brothers before any of you reach Iolkos?” Eunike asked. “Would you like me to breathe the god’s breath and tell you how pleased they’ll be, or can you guess?”

“Oh, I already thought of that,” I replied breezily. “We’ll be careful enough to let Castor and Polydeuces stay well ahead of us on the road. My brothers can’t be the only heroes who’ve joined the fleece quest without weapons bearers of their own. Once we get to Iolkos, we’ll surely be able to find at least two men looking to hire servants. They’ll be glad to have us.”

“Probably gladder than you know.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

The Pythia pressed her palms together and tapped her fingertips to her lips in thought. “Helen, what if your disguise fails? What if someone finds out you’re a girl?”

I went over to her table and picked up the bronze mirror. It was smaller than the one Mother owned but in better condition. I could see my reflection perfectly. In spite of what Theseus had said about “that pretty face of yours,” all that met my eyes was angles and awkwardness. My over-eager application of olive oil and dirt was already making the skin erupt into angry red bumps. I couldn’t see anything feminine about me at all.

I set the mirror back down. “Unless someone demands that I grow a beard on command, I’ll be safe enough, Eunike. And I do have a sword and know how to use it.”

“That’s not what I mean,” she said. “I’m talking about women’s matters.”

“Women’s—”

“And the moon. What I mean is the time each month when—”

“I know, I know!” I exclaimed, stopping her before she could say any more. My cheeks burned. “My nurse, Ione, told my sister and me all about that when we were ten years old. Mother repeated all of it right before my sister left Sparta to marry. They both told us that this isn’t something for men to hear.” I nodded at Milo. He looked disappointed.

“Men know more about women than you think,” Eunike said. “But since you’re already so knowledgeable, how are you going to manage to hide it when you’re on the road and you—”

“I won’t,” I said sharply. “It hasn’t happened to me yet. I don’t know why. My sister, my twin, she’s been a woman for at least two years. I’m still a girl.” I hated recalling how Clytemnestra had lorded it over me when she’d changed and I’d stayed the same. Worse, every month after that she made it a point to ask me whether “it” had happened to me yet, and every month I had to say no. Ione told me not to fret, that every woman walked the same path eventually, that it would come to me before I knew it. I was still waiting.

“Hmmm.” The Pythia was silent for a time, then said, “This may be a blessing for you, Helen. It might even be an omen, a sign from the gods to let you know they want you to succeed.”

“Do you really think so?” I asked eagerly. About time my monthly humiliation did me some good! I thought.

“It’s a shame I can’t tell you if it’s a blessing that will last,” Eunike continued. “The gods might whisk away their favor at any time if you offend them. Even if you don’t, they might simply change their minds one day. You’d better give some thought to what you’ll do then.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll come up with something.” I spoke with a nonchalance I didn’t really feel. I’ll come up with something was what I’d told myself when I first began to lay my plans for joining the quest for the Golden Fleece. I’d only thought matters through as far as getting Milo and me to Iolkos and on board Prince Jason’s ship. But how big would that ship be? Would Milo and I be able to keep ourselves out of my brothers’ sight and still manage to serve our new masters? What would happen if our luck ran dry and Castor and Polydeuces recognized us when we were too far out to sea for turning back? I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I didn’t want to. No matter. I’ll come up with something.

“Well, at least you’re confident,” Eunike said. “Even if you are insane.” She giggled.

“This is a perfectly reasonable plan of action,” I told her, sitting back down on the bed. “We’re going to have a magnificent adventure, and I’ll pledge a fine sacrifice to all-seeing Apollo when I return.”

“But before you go, you want something from him, don’t you?” Eunike smiled knowingly.