No Prince for Riley (Grimm was a Bastard Book 1)
Anna Katmore
Apology
Dear readers,
Right at the beginning, I need to ask your forgiveness.
Riley Redcoat is the girl from the woods. I tried to give this character the simple charm of the brothers Grimm real Red Riding Hood.
However, it means she’s a very, very na?ve but adorable little thing. Please, don’t expect any big-city-girl reactions or thoughts from her. At times, you’ll just want to grab her and shake her and shout right at her face: Are you serious??!!
This is all part of the game.
Even Jack will make some choices along the way that may irritate you by some means or other.
But you know how it is with fairy tales, right? If everyone behaved in the best possible way, there wouldn’t be a story to tell… ;-)
To Riley.
A very special character.
Without the touch of your tale,
I still wouldn’t know who I am.
Chapter 1
Riley
Every time someone opens a storybook and reads the four magical words Once upon a time…, my granny gets eaten a few hours later. Boy, it sucks!
Glad that this morning’s staging of our play is over, I slip into Princess Cinderella’s castle and close the heavy door. The loud thud echoing off the high ceiling makes me cringe, and I quickly place a finger in front of my lips. “Shhh!”
Yes, doors actually listen. I believe they even talk, but that might just be a rumor Alice brought home from Wonderland.
I toe off my scruffy boots next to the coatrack. Their soles still bear half the forest after today’s adventure, and I don’t want to mess up this immaculate place. I slip off my yew bow and quiver from my shoulder. The twelve cedar arrows rattle inside as I hang both on a hook on the wall. One doesn’t waltz fully armed into a tea party—or at least that’s what they keep telling me. I push off my hood but leave the red cloak on.
Wide, marble stairs with golden handrails invite me to the other side of the great hall. An invitation I cannot refuse. I sprint up, taking two steps at a time, and turn left at a junction to a long corridor. My friends’ laughter drifting out from the parlor farther down tells me which room to enter.
Four princesses are seated around a neat, white coffee table with morning tea in delicate china cups before them. Once again, they are all dressed in marvelous, colorful gowns. I wave in greeting and then steer toward Snow-White. The princess with hair as black as a raven feather hates her name and once said she’d much rather be called something cool like Rocking Thunder. Ever since that day, we keep calling her Stormy.
I slump down next to her on the noble sofa with its gold-embroidered, blue cushions. Her white skirt accidentally catches beneath me. As she tries to tug it free, I help her by quickly lifting one side of my bottom. Then I pull up my legs and wrap my arms around my knees with my cloak tugged close, mimicking a stark, red iceberg floating among the royals.
Cindy slides a cup of strawberry tea across the table in front of me. “Hey, Riley, what rained on your parade?” Her porcelain face splits into a grin as she leans forward, briefly blocking the beams of sunlight shining into the warm room through the five tall windows. “Did the Wolf bite you on the ass again?”
Right, maybe what I said about Once upon a time before wasn’t entirely the truth. In some fairy tales, the girl actually knocks into a prince who kisses her, loves her, marries her, and gives her a giant closetful of gowns in his palace. At least, it’s like that with Snow-White and Cindy. In Bellina’s story, too. Dang it, Briar-Rose aka Rory doesn’t even have to do a whole lot for her happily ever after. Toward the end of her tale, she just lies down for a short nap, and Prince Phillip takes care of the rest. All my friends get kissed and fall in love, over and over again. Not me.
“Man! Do you even know how lucky you girls are? I want me a prince, too!” I pick up the chipped cup on its saucer. “At least they don’t bite.”
Bellina hides a snicker behind a cookie, and a light flush appears around her nose. Okay, so maybe her prince does, but I don’t believe the Beauty minds.
“Well, well.” With a curious gleam in her green eyes, Rory tosses her wavy, golden hair behind her shoulders. She sits up straighter to face me. “Didn’t you always say that boys were good for nothing and you weren’t interested? When did you change your tune?”
Yeah, when? Must have happened sometime after slipping on the wet forest floor in the dead of night because some weird child in a faraway land called The Reality couldn’t wait until the morning to read their new storybook. Then a monstrous wolf almost ate me at dawn because he was still hungry after being forced to give back my gran. The new fang marks on my left butt cheek will shine for a week!
“The whole fairy tale thing is so unfair.” I sniff the tea and pray I won’t shoot to the ceiling like a giant. Things like that have occurred in this castle before, when the Caterpillar and the crazy Hatter were around for a visit. Ever since that crazy afternoon, I make sure to check the coatrack for a hat sized 10/6 or for a hundred pairs of tiny shoes in the corner before touching any darn food in this place!
“Out of us all, I got stuck with the short stick.” After the first cautious sip of tea, I squeeze my eyes shut and wait a panicky second, but nothing happens. Phew! Relaxing, I drink some more. “I want my own happy ending. A real one! With a real prince who will kiss me and love me and take me to his castle.” I stir the tea with a silver spoon and watch as the red-tinted water swirls around. “Not a guy who smells like a wet dog in the rain and prefers to crawl into my granny’s bed instead of mine.”
Not that I would ever want Jack in my bed. Ew! A spooky shiver travels down my spine at the image. Okay, he actually is some kind of gorgeous. At least on days when he doesn’t grow a wolf skin and put me on his menu for dessert. But those days are rare. And even then, he isn’t right for kissing or marrying. He simply lacks the manners for that. And, evidently, the crown.
“So you think you can only find romance with a prince?” Briar-Rose smothers a yawn with her hand. She, too, had to act out her tale today, and is obviously still suffering from the aftermath of her sleep curse—even though the spell is broken. “What makes you believe they’re any better with love stuff than other guys?”
“Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it?” I put my cup down, nail her with a meaningful stare, and then tick off my next points on my fingers. “You have a prince. Stormy has a prince. Cindy has a prince, and Bellina has one, too.” Fair enough, Bellina’s Prince Dominic might be a little hairy at times, but he is one of the blue-blooded thugs in Fairyland, after all.
Snow-White puts some honey into her tea and daintily licks the rest off the spoon. “And in your eyes, love comes with a royal title and a palace? I mean, there are thousands of tales in the world, and not all have a prince in them.”
“Exactly what I’m trying to say!” I fold my arms over my chest. “Peter Pan is no prince, and Wendy is still single. Duh!”
“Hm. Your logic is unassailable.” Cindy taps a finger against her bottom lip and cuts a look at the ceiling. “Alice never warmed up to the Hatter, either.”
There we go! “And you all know Dorothy, who gets a Scarecrow, a Tin Man, and a Cowardly Lion? She keeps clicking her heels together to go back to Kansas. Every time.” I make a stern face. “Hence…no prince, no romance.”
“Wait a moment. What about Aladdin and Jazzie?” Rory counters, making me snap my head to her. “Aladdin is a thief and, obviously, they can’t keep their hands off each other.”
“Naah. Jazzie’s a princess,” I point out. “In their tale, the roles were just switched.”