"I know," he whispered. "So don't tell anyone. You'd ruin my rep." He reached for her, then dropped his hand as he remembered he couldn't touch her. "What about you? Did you ever ignore your husband?"
A knot choked her as she remembered Ioel and his charming smile. She could count on one hand the number of years she'd been lucky enough to know him. "I didn't have him long enough to grow bored. Maybe it would have happened eventually, but I doubt it. It's ironic really. We both knew when we agreed to it that we'd have a short marriage. With both of us being warriors, the odds were never in our favor. It was just a matter of the wrong blow during the right battle. So from the moment we came together, we knew to value every heartbeat because it could be our last."
Dev ached for the pain he heard in her words and the torment he saw in her eyes. "I'm so sorry for what happened."
"What? That my sister was a selfish bitch? That definitely wasn't your fault."
"No, but families are supposed to hang together in every adversity. It sickens me when they don't. I wish I could kill your sister for you."
Sam had to catch herself before she told him how she felt about him. No good could come of that. They could never be together and she knew it. No matter how much she wanted it to be....
Some wishes just weren't meant to happen and all the desire in the world couldn't change that.
I love you, Dev.
Unfortunately, her love wasn't selfish. She only wanted the best for him and the best wasn't her. It was a woman who could have his children and stand by his side here at Sanctuary. Not one who'd sold her soul to a goddess.
The song "You" by Fisher played through her head. Those words had always choked her up but never more than right now when she understood them in a way she never had before.
"You don't know it yet, but you're everything...."
Why did her life have to be a study in losing the things she cared about? It was so unfair and yet how could she complain? She'd chosen this life. She was a defender to the world. There was no higher calling than that. No job more honorable or noble.
Trying to reinforce her resolve to let him go, she cleared her throat. "You ever think about having kids?"
"All the time. I'd love to have a houseful. Then one of my nieces or nephews turns Exorcist on me and spews the most disgusting things imaginable out both ends--things that make the demon snot feel like a bubble bath. That usually cures me of that stupidity for at least a day or two."
She laughed so hard her eyes teared. She'd never quite thought of it that way, but he was right. Kids had a tendency to explode. A lot. "You're so bad."
He shrugged with an innocence he definitely didn't possess. "You asked. I answered."
She shook her head. "Seriously though, don't you want Dev cubs?"
"Honestly? I don't know. It's a lot of responsibility. It's scary and unpredictable. I think about it sometimes. Not that it matters. I'm not a single cell organism capable of mitosis so without a mate it's a moot topic and I don't believe in torturing myself over things I don't have. I'd much rather focus on and be grateful for what I do have."
Gah, he made it so hard to hate him. So hard to push him away even when she knew it was the only practical thing to do.
Most of all, he made her want to reach out and touch him. Just to hold him for one moment.
If only...
Dev felt the sudden awkward silence between them like an iron cloak. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No."
How did women do that? Say a word that was the exact polar opposite of what they meant. Obviously he'd said or done something to destroy her playful mood.
If only he knew what it was.
What ever. He couldn't make it better unless she told him what he'd done to offend her. But that was the one thing about the female gender that made him insane. For a group who prided themselves on communication skills, they could be remarkably silent when it came to things that really mattered to them.
It was the old if-you-knew-me-like-you-should-then-you'd-know-why-I'm-mad game. Well, how was he supposed to learn her if she didn't tell him?
Vicious cycle and it was one he didn't have time for. Not when they were about to launch themselves into something that could get all of them killed. An image of her lying dead seared him. Her current state was a lethal reminder of what could happen if he failed.
And Fang...
Aimee would never forgive him. But there was no way to leave him at home. Fang wasn't that kind of wolf. Bastard.
He had a sick feeling in his stomach that things weren't what they should be. There was something in the ether around him that wanted to warn him.
If only he knew what...
The seen and the unseen. Things were about to get hairy as hell for them all.
Ethon cocked his head as he heard the spirits of the fallen whispering to him. It was a talent that had served him well for the last five thousand years. It enabled him to see his enemies coming and to hear the souls that had been lured by the Daimons.
But what they told him right now left him cold.