22
The day passes in a blur. People rush in and out of my room. My guards read things to me. Mother visits twice. Kyra whispers in my ear about how amazing I was. How amazing I’m going to be once I have full use of my powers.
Food is brought and taken away untouched.
But I just sit and listen to the minutes ticking away.
Finally, in the early evening, after everyone else has gone, Annalise crouches next to my chair. She touches the back of my hand softly.
“Are you afraid?” she asks. “I was. It’s normal to be.”
I close my eyes.
“I thought you’d like this.” Annalise sets a cup of Sleep Tea on the table next to my chair. My fingers clench the knot of the cashmere wrap draped over my shoulders. “It will help you sleep.”
Sleep is the last thing I want right now. I want to remember every second of every minute of this day for the rest of my life. Maybe if I can hold on to this, I won’t turn into a monster.
But I already am, aren’t I? The explosion at Kyra and Maz’s binding, my outburst at the hospital, the way I’ve taken so readily to Mother’s lessons on manipulation. And Lena. What I did to her, the way I overrode her freewill and changed her reality, is despicable.
And no matter what Mother says, she doesn’t know what will happen to me. The rational part of me knows Henry and Callum transitioned fine. But they are male. And Light.
I stare at my hands. All the horrible things I’ve already done. The people I’ve hurt. Will it only get worse tomorrow?
The clock continues to chase down time. There’s no stopping the future, no matter what type of magic I’m capable of.
“Would you like me to add more wood to the fire?” Annalise asks.
The flames died down long ago. Only orange glowing embers remain and the persistent damp chill of San Francisco creeps closer and closer to me. “No. I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Is there anything else I can do?”
“When will we know about me? How strong I’ll be? I feel the same right now, but how will I know?”
Annalise shrugs. “It’s different for all of us. My powers came on very suddenly a few days after my birthday. One moment, I was simply transporting like I had a hundred times before, and the next moment I felt like I was churning through space. It took me a good while to figure out where I was and get home.”
I’d never heard this story before. Actually, I know very little about my sister-in-law. “Where had you gone?”
She keeps her face blank. “The Eastern Society. My parents and I had lived there briefly when I was a child. They were diplomats, and it must have been sitting in back of my mind.”
“So you’re good at transporting?” Such a random ability. And completely useless for anything other than…well, moving between locations.
“I am, but that’s not where my true talent lies. It just happened my magic surged at the particular moment I chose to transport.”
“Do you think I’m going to go crazy?”
“No.” She sounds exasperated. “You’re Dark, just like the rest of us. And in a few hours, a mature witch. Trust me, having full control of your powers is a blessing.”
She lifts the cup of tea and hands it to me. “I think you’re overanalyzing everything and making yourself worried for nothing.”
I take a sip of the tea. Obviously, she doesn’t know what I did to Lena. “How do you know I won’t?”
“Because Malin didn’t. And neither did Callum. Or Henry. Or any of the other witches on your family tree other than Caitlin Greene.
“The Light witches filled your brain with nonsense. They wanted to scare you and they did.”
I’m not convinced. Bethina wouldn’t have let them do all those things to me if she felt it was unnecessary. My stomach rolls.
Unless she saw what happened to my mother.
I rest my head against the back of the chair and stare off into the distance. “I’m feeling tired.”
“Good night.” Annalise dips her head. “When I see you in the morning, I promise you’ll feel exactly the same as you do now.”
Once she’s gone, I lay my cheek on my knees. There’s no more time. Tomorrow, I turn eighteen. Tomorrow, I will be bound to a boy who was once Beck’s friend and who hates me. I wonder if he’ll ever be able to forgive me for what I did to Lena.
I reach into my pocket and feel the familiar cool, metal of my necklace. Not even it can comfort me tonight. The scars of my heart bleed raw and for the first time, I allow the tears to pour down my face and don’t bother to hide my sobs. I don’t care anymore.
Oh, Beck. Snot bubbles in my nose and I sniff it away. They can make me not say your name and pretend you don’t exist, but they can’t stop my thoughts.
My head rolls against the side of the chair and I close my eyes. Maybe sleep isn’t such a terrible thing after all.
All my life, my day has started and ended with you. Always you.
Like every other night, there’s no answer. Just more endless static.
Something soft brushes my jaw and I yawn. Darkness obscures everything, but I can see the shadowy outline of a man standing over me. I rub my eyes and squint. Surely it’s too early for my guards to wake me?
The man kneels down before me and his fingers grasp each side of the armchair I’ve fallen asleep in, trapping me. Even in my half-awake state, I know neither Dawson nor Oliver would approach me like this. My heart whirls into fight mode and I pull my arms into my chest, palms facing out, ready to strike.
“Shhh. It’s me.” Ryker’s familiar voice surprises me.
I startle but don’t drop my hands. If he’s as upset as he was earlier, who knows what he’ll do. “Why are you here?”
In an oddly intimate gesture, he gently places two fingers over my mouth and uncurls his other hand in the direction of the fireplace. A fire immediately roars to life. When he drops his fingers from my lips, they tingle. “I know you love the cold, but I can see my breath.”
My mind struggles to wake up and make sense of what’s happening. Ryker is in my room, in the middle of the night. Seemingly no longer upset. How did he sneak past my…
Kyra. She’s on duty tonight. Damn it.
“She’s hoping for a love connection.” He lets out a low laugh. “Anyway, it wasn’t too hard to convince her. I told her I needed to talk to you about what happened. In private.”
I draw my brows together. Maybe I misread him. Maybe what I mistook for hatred was actually interest? It’s not like I have a ton of experience with boys.
“Ryker,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry about that. You have to believe me. I can’t always control myself, but I’m trying.”
“I know you are.”
“You have to go. If my mother finds you here, she’ll be irate. It’s improper to see me the night before the binding, remember?”
To my surprise, he reaches out and strokes my cheek. The energy in my body hums to life and I suddenly feel wide awake. Everything is crisper, more tangible. Amplified.
You can hear me, can’t you?
My eyes grow wide. I…I don’t want to say it out loud. If I’m wrong…
I clench my hands against my whirling, vibrating heart. He takes a step back, then another. Behind him the fire roars and casts a yellow glow around him. A beautiful golden hue that I’ve only seen once before.
His image blurs. Then flickers. And then…
Beck stands before me, his dimple and grin lighting up the room.
“I heard you crying. I can’t let you do this alone. Not tonight,” Beck says. His eyes are on fire, burning right through me until every nerve in my body is electrified. His blond hair hangs a little longer across his eyes than the last time I saw him, but it only makes me want to run my fingers through it even more.
“You heard me?”
Beck slips off his wristlet and I do the same. He tosses them both into the bedside table before answering me. “I’ve never not heard you, but I thought it would be better to have a clean break. I thought it would be easier for you. Didn’t work so well, did it?”
I push on his chest. “You can’t be here. It’s too dangerous. What I did yesterday is horrible and I could do it again.”
“It can be fixed. Lena will be fine.” Beck wraps his arms around me and lifts me out of the chair so we’re face to face, our noses touching.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he says. “When I saw you at Kyra’s…the way you looked at me, Lark…please, don’t ever look at me like that again. Please.”
I ball his shirt in my hands, afraid that if I let go, I’ll wake up. “What happened to you?”
He runs his hand down my back and warmth spreads over the jagged piece of my heart. “After you left, Henry, Eloise, and I fled. We went into hiding. The hope was my parents would send for us when it was safe.”
“Did they?”
He shakes his head. “I’m the leader of no one. Isn’t that ironic?” His laugh is low and cynical. “At Summer Hill, all I ever heard was that I needed to act more like a leader and I didn’t want it. And now that I do, no one wants me to.”
“How did you end up here? Henry said you came for me.”
He lifts my chin so that our matching olive eyes meet. “I had to know you were okay, and it seemed like you were in danger. Malin hasn’t been kind to you.”
“I saw you with Eamon and I thought…” My voice warbles.
He runs his fingers through the sides of my hair. “No. He cornered me. I had no choice in that battle until Ryker distracted Eamon just enough for me to transport.”
“Where did you go?”
“Back here. I thought maybe they’d bring you here, but Ryker found me first. He took me to Maz’s.”
I drop my eyes. “I’ve been awful to Ryker. I thought he wanted to kill you.”
Beck chuckles. “Naw. Nothing will ever come between Ryker, Maz, and me. You know that.”
His fingers trace my jawline. I want to tell him how badly I ache for him, how I need to feel his skin pressed against mine, wrap my fingers in his hair, and hold on to him so he’ll never leave me.
But that’s not possible. “You have to go. What if someone catches you?”
“I don’t care.” His mouth moves to the hollow of my neck and he lingers as his hands dart under the thin straps of my nightgown. He pulls his head up. “You’re missing something.”
“No. I have it. It’s always with me.” I sink my hand into my pocket and retrieve my necklace. He takes it from me and I lift my hair while he clasps it behind my neck. As soon as it touches my skin, a sense of contentment washes over me.
“Better,” Beck says just before his lips flutter over mine, like he’s testing to make sure it’s okay. A soft moan forms in the back of my throat and he kisses me harder. My labored breath pulls at my chest.
“You really need to go,” I whisper, not really meaning a word of what I’m saying.
“I just want to be with you. Tonight. Can you give me that?”
My body trembles beneath his touch. “Yes.”
He scoops me up and carries me to the bed. When I lay back, my hair fans around me as I stretch my arms up to him.
Beck doesn’t hesitate to climb into the bed with me. It’s as if nothing has changed with us.
“Everything is going to be okay. Ryker won’t touch you. I promise,” he mutters between kisses.
“Do you plan on masquerading as a middle-aged man forever?” I tease.
Beck’s finger traces tiny circles down my arm. When he gets to my wrist, he lifts my arm and plants a kiss against the sensitive underside. His lips move to my palm and a flash of heat races through me. “If I have to.”
I can’t let him do this. He needs to go, but telling Beck to leave is like ripping out my own soul. I can’t. Not again.
He pulls me toward him and I curl into his arms. A calmness falls over me. My fingertips stroke his cheek and a deep sigh rumbles out of him.
I don’t want to be anywhere but here.
My eyes linger on his face, memorizing every piece of it. “If you’re pretending to be Ryker, where is he?” The words come out in a breathless whisper.
Beck points to the side table. “Ryker is right there. Or at least his wristlet is.”
“Where is he really?”
“With Lena. He slipped off his wristlet and left it on his bed before he took off.”
I raise my eyebrows. “He doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”
Beck laughs. “No.”
“Because he wouldn’t let you come.” Beck leans closer to me and his breath tickles my neck. “If you get caught here looking like Ryker, he’s going to get in trouble.”
Beck sighs. “Less trouble than if I get caught looking like Ryker with no wristlet. If anyone catches me, it’ll seem like Ryker sneaked over to see you.” He kisses my collarbone. “Now, please stop thinking, Birdie. Just enjoy the moment,”
I close my eyes. Everything feels right. Whole. Like every piece of me is right back where it is supposed to be.
But it can’t stay like this. I know that. “Promise me you’ll leave tomorrow. That you’ll go far away from here. Please.”
“Why would I do that?”
I push up on his shoulder with the palm of my hand. “Because I’m dangerous. I’m learning to use magic, but I’m still unpredictable.”
Beck rolls off me, and props up on his elbow. “I don’t want to be lectured. I only want to enjoy the time we have together.”
“I could kill you.”
Stop. You need to relax. His raspy voice fills my head. Talking to him like this is more intimate than speaking out loud. It as if he’s all around me and a part of me at the same time.
My hands fumble with the buttons of his shirt until it falls open exposing his broad chest. When I trace the indent of his hip, Beck inhales sharply. His lips crush mine. With one hand, he tugs at my nightgown, pulling it higher until it’s bunched around my waist. My chest heaves as my breath speeds up.
As I wrap my arms around him, pressing my chest to his, the clock on the mantle rings out. We both freeze. Chime, chime, chime, chime, chime.
Moonlight casts strange shadows around him. Light and dark mingle, chasing after each other, eternally damned to banish the other from existence.
“No one can hurt us, Birdie. We’re safe.” His words fill me with dread. It’s a lie.
My body trembles, holding back tears. Everything could all change right now. These may be my last seconds being Lark. Fear boils in me. In mere moments, I could turn on Beck and kill him.
Chime, chime, chime.
“I’m yours, Lark. Always. No matter what.” Beck’s voice shakes. “I’m not afraid.”
“Liar.” My arms encircle his torso and I pull him into me. Chime. Chime. Chime.
He doesn’t resist. Chime.
Midnight.
His eyes glisten as he wipes a tear from my cheek. “Happy Birthday.”
I run my hand to the back of his neck and guide his lips to mine. “Don’t ever leave me.”
“Never.”
For a few short hours, I believe it’s possible.