Night School: Resistance (Night School 4)

‘I want to apologise again for the way I acted yesterday,’ she said finally. Rachel shook her head as if to stop her but she kept going. ‘It must have been scary for you and I just made things worse. I’m sorry. But –’ she stared at the clouds again – ‘I just … don’t understand what’s happening.’


Rachel looked puzzled. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘I mean …’ Allie took a shaky breath. ‘You hate Night School. For as long as I’ve known you … you’ve hated it. You tried to talk me out of joining. You got mad at me when I did join. And you and your dad argued about it all the time. And … I guess I just don’t understand what happened to change everything.’

‘I told you,’ Rachel said. ‘After what happened with Nathaniel I decided I needed to learn how to look out for myself. He’ll come back. Night School can teach me to how to do that.’

‘You could take a self-defence class, Rachel.’ Allie couldn’t keep the exasperation from her voice. ‘They offer kick-boxing in the gym. There are other options. You don’t have to join a group you’ve always hated. You’ve always believed everything Night School stood for was wrong.’

‘I know. But I guess …’ Rachel dropped her gaze. ‘I’ve changed my mind about what I believe. I’ve seen what Nathaniel can do. What he wants to do to the whole country. And I’ve decided that the thing I used to hate is better than the thing that could replace it.’ She cocked her head to one side. ‘Does that make sense?’

It did, but Allie wasn’t ready to accept it. ‘I don’t get how you can change what you believe. You either believe or you don’t. That’s how it works. You can’t just switch like that.’

A red flush crept up Rachel’s neck to her face. ‘Of course you can change your beliefs.’ She looked at Allie accusingly. ‘You’ve changed your beliefs while you’ve been here. You used to think Night School was creepy then you found out more about it and before I knew what was happening you joined it.’ She folded her arms. ‘If you can change, I can change.’

‘Yeah, but I discussed it all with you.’ Allie was finally getting to the crux of the issue. ‘I didn’t just spring it on you. “Look, Rachel! I’ve changed everything I ever believed but decided not to tell you. Surprise!”’ She waved her arms. ‘We were away for nearly three months. We talked all the time – like, for hours. And you never told me you’d decided to join Night School. Or to break up with Lucas. Two of the biggest decisions in your life and you never even mentioned them … Why, Rach?’ She couldn’t disguise the hurt in her voice. ‘Don’t you trust me?’

‘Of course I trust you.’ Rachel looked as if the suggestion horrified her. ‘More than pretty much anyone except my parents. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought about it but … I guess it’s hard …’ Biting her bottom lip, she looked across the landing. ‘I just didn’t want to make a fuss about it.’

Allie’s expression must have betrayed her disbelief because Rachel sighed and tried again.

‘Lucas and I were having problems before we left. The whole thing with him not being included in the group was hard for him and he felt like I didn’t back him up. But … it wasn’t hard for me. And that’s when I started thinking about it. I’ve never had a boyfriend before so I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel. I just knew I was supposed to feel more than that.’

Her words summoned an image in Allie’s mind of last night. Sylvain whispering, ‘I love you.’ How she couldn’t reply.

She tried to push the memory away, focusing on Rachel, who was still talking.

‘We hardly wrote each other letters while I was away. In his last note he suggested that maybe things weren’t working out and I –’ she glanced at Allie – ‘I was relieved. Then we rushed back and everything happened quickly. Now I guess he and Katie are having a thing and …’ She wrinkled her nose in distaste. ‘I mean, seriously. Whatever.’

‘And you didn’t want to talk about this before because …?’ Allie nudged her.

‘Oh, Allie,’ Rachel sighed. ‘I love to talk about other people’s private lives but I hate to talk about my own. You know that. I didn’t mean to offend you.’

But Allie knew Rachel too well. She knew that was the sort of answer she’d give a grown-up. The kind of answer she’d give when she didn’t want to offer a real answer.

She remembered that giggle she’d heard through Rachel’s window last night. She had a feeling Rachel was talking about all of this with Nicole.

Suddenly she felt lonely.

‘I wasn’t offended.’ She said stiffly. ‘I was confused. And I guess …’ She looked down at her scuffed school shoes, too sad to pretend it didn’t hurt. ‘I guess I’m afraid of losing my best friend.’

Rachel reached for her arm. ‘Oh no, Allie,’ she said. ‘You’re not losing me, I promise. Please don’t think that.’