chapter Twenty - five
The following evening, Dirk and I were back in my room. It was a little less than a week away from the Winter Dance, and I was determined to have him hold me in his arms.
It wasn't love that drove me. I was fueled by the darkness in my soul. All the darkness wanted to do was win, achieve my manifesto, and thumb my nose at those who'd doubted me. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah--look at what I did! In an attempt to cheer myself up I pulled out the mamfesto;
In Margot Jean Johnson, being of sound mind
And in front of my best friends, Sybil Mulcahy and the entire world, hereby decree that my high
school experienced will for exceed that of junior high.
"Yes," I said, pumping my fist into the air. I expected a delicious satisfaction to course through me. Instead, I felt nothing.
I will be popular
"Yes, again." I was the Salesian High it-girl. And so what if there were only two living girls in the entire school. I was the chairman of the Yearbook Committee; I was the chairman of the Winter Dance Committee; I set the trends; I called the shots. Me, me, me, me, me! I was the queen bee.
"Yes, once again." The Winter Dance would be the social event of the year, maybe even the decade. I made out the guest list so Amanda Culpepper and the undead heads were persona non grata.
With all this good news, shouldn't I be dancing on the ceiling? Instead, I was feeling worse.
I will have a boyfriend ....
I looked over at Dirk and was bathed in a certain dread. It came as a cold clamminess chilling me to my bones.
"Are you worth it?" I asked. I had sacrificed my ethics, my friends, myself to achieve ... what?
Of course he's worth it By the end of the semester you will hove realized every high school goal you ever set for yourself
Despite nearly achieving all my dreams, there was a part of me that realized it was all a sham. This was the truth I'd been avoiding, the reason for the tears in my eyes. I put the manifesto away.
"Margot! Some guys outside want to talk to you," Theo called down the hall.
I went to the front door and found Baron and Milton bundled up against the cold on my porch, smiles as big as the Grand Canyon on both their faces.
"Guess what?" asked Milton.
"Milton, I'm busy." I had no time for geek enthusiasm,
"So were we." He pulled a small vial from his pocket and held it out to me. He could hardly contain himself. "Wanna know what's in it? Wanna know, wanna know?"
"Okay, I'll bite. What's in it?"
"The answer to our prayers," he chimed. Then he and Baron giggled like a couple of schoolgirls. "Go on. Take it," he said.
I took the tiny vial. Inside, there was a luminescent, milky white liquid. "The antidote?" I asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" He spun around like a whirling dervish. "This time next semester me and my homie here will be the two most popular guys at Salesian. Told you!" The two boys slapped a lame high-five.
"Where's Sybil?" I suddenly asked. "I'm surprised the three of you aren't out on the town celebrating this wonderful occasion." I hoped I didn't sound like a jealous child.
"Sybil hasn't been doing too well since the pageant," Baron said. There was genuine concern on his face. "She's home rest-
tog.'
"Oh." A twinge of shame rode through me. "Well... congratulations," I said flatly. I handed back the vial.
"No, no. You have to give it to Dirk. He's our guinea pig," said Milton.
"I'm not giving this to Dirk. I don't even know what's in it."
"But you have to!" squawked Milton.
"Yeah. The antidote only works if it's ingested by a zombie," Baron added. "We figured you'd want to be first."
"Why would I want to be first?"
"I knew it!" Milton thrust an accusing finger at me. "You don't want him to change back."
"Chill, dude." Baron looked me in the eye and lowered his voice. "Can we talk?"
I stepped out onto the porch, and Baron walked me a few feet away from an agitated Milton. "Margot, you gotta do this. Our classmates are all zombies. I know you know that isn't right."
"Why me?"
"You're the only one who can get close enough. Your... boyfriend... is a zombie." The word boy friend seemed to stick in his throat.
"But what if it hurts him?"
"Margot, he's a zombie. J don't think his life can get much worse." He leaned in. "But think of what it will mean if it does work. When Dirk realizes you're the one who changed him back, he'll be yours forever."
Did I sense a note of sadness in his voice when he said that?
I looked into his hazel eyes. When I'd helped with getting the DNA, I hadn't believed they could pull it off. The self-assured boy standing before me was a far cry from the geek he was back then. These past several weeks Baron had transformed into the cool suave image he'd always tried to project. Or was it me who had changed?
"I can see why Sybil likes you so much," I said.
His eyes widened for an instant. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know." I sighed. "I guess if this works we'll both get what we want, huh?" I'm not sure why I said it, but I was anxious to hear what his response would be.
"I guess," he replied.
Not what I was looking for.
I stared down at the vial in my hand. It was suddenly hot and heavy. "Okay, I'll do it," I said, quickly stuffing it into my pocket. I shot him a small smile. "Let's hope for the best."
"Yeah," he said. "Let's hope for the best."
There was a hint of sadness on his face as he and Milton turned and walked away.
When I got back to my room, I discovered Dirk working himself into a frenzy, chasing and then trapping a spider. He caught the insect and wolfed it down as if it were a delicacy. Then it was like the shades had gone down in his eyes. Nobody home.
Baron was right. Dirk's life couldn't get much worse. I had the power to put an end to this.
A wave of relief washed over me, like a soothing lotion. For the first time in a long time, I had a chance to feel good about myself. I had the power to put an end to all my classmates' misery. Maybe Baron and Milton were right. Maybe I'd be a hero for helping save the day.
I went to my closet, pulled out my hip-hugger jeans and another of the sexy tops my father hated. Then I went to the bathroom and changed. This is how I wanted Dirk to see me when he got back to being himself.
I came back into my room, picked up the vial, removed the stopper, and poured the luminescent liquid over several hunks of raw meat I always kept handy for Dirk's visits. I picked up a sliver of the coated meat. Dirk eyed me attentively, waiting for me to throw the meat as I'd done in the past.
"Well, boyfriend, in a few minutes you just might be your old self again," I said brightly.
I conjured up images of the old Dirk Conrad, his smile, his
glacier blues that gave every girl at school a loin-ache. At that moment the image of Dirk and Amanda's photo button from the carnival ignited in my thoughts.
See how happy he is with me? Hell never be that happy with you.
It was then I remembered another Dirk Conrad, the one who hadn't wanted to go to the carnival with me, the one who was dating Amanda Culpepper. I gazed at the new Dirk, who was waiting patiently for a piece of raw meat. The new Dirk didn't care that I wasn't skinny as a rail. The new Dirk came to my house every night, and sat on my bed while I did my homework, and then watched reruns of law & Order with my parents.
The new Dirk was perfect.
I wouldn't--I couldn't--give him back to Amanda Culpepper.
"You don't mind remaining a zombie, do you?" My voice cracked with self-hatred. "No sense getting your hopes up, anyway. This stuff probably doesn't even work. Face it, the geeks made it." I snatched up a piece of meat that hadn't been dipped in the antidote and threw it to him. As he gobbled it down, I ran into the bathroom, then flushed the treated meat.