A lump grew in my throat. I knew he regretted it the second it was over. No matter his reasoning for it, nothing is more painful than knowing the most meaningful thing I ever felt was just another regret to the person I shared it with.
“Alice, you know he just doesn’t want you to get hurt.”
“Everyone keeps saying they don’t want to hurt me. It’s just so funny that the only way they can succeed in not hurting me is by hurting me.” I stood up and took my plate to the sink.
“Nothing is that cut and dried. At least not when you’re dealing with vampires.”
“Thanks for making me supper and everything, but I need to get some rest if I have any hope of going to school tomorrow.” I leaned against the kitchen sink, purposely not looking at him. I felt like crying, and I wanted to just stop thinking about all this stuff and go back to bed.
“I know you’re just trying to politely get rid of me, but you’re right anyway.” Milo stood up, and he hesitated before he left. “Call me if you need anything. Okay?”
“Will do.”
Once he left, I started crying, and I didn’t appreciate it. I didn’t like how it felt being alone in the apartment all the time, and I wished that I hadn’t asked him to leave. I didn’t want him to see me cry or know how upset I really was, but I don’t know why it mattered if he saw it. Milo saw everything.
My solution was going to bed. The only cure for being sad and tired was rest and time, and sleeping accomplished both of those. I woke up to my alarm the next day, and I blundered through another day at school. Jane glared at me in the halls, the teachers ignored me, and I slept in class when I had the chance.
After school, Milo texted to check on me, but I heard nothing from Jack, and my lack of invitation to their house continued. When I went to bed that night at 8:30, I tried to pretend that my life wasn’t so bad.
Unfortunately, I woke up the next morning feeling better. That doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but I was kind of hoping that I would just sleep through the rest of my life, and then maybe, I wouldn’t notice how much it sucked.
My body finally decided to respond to all the rest and pills I had been popping, and while I wasn’t exactly energetic, I felt more like a normal human being.
It was a Saturday, but I woke up at ten in the morning, which felt too early. With my recent almost-burst-of-energy, I decided to put it to good use. Blasting the radio, I went about the house, picking up the mess I had managed to leave even though I had been immobile.
I scrubbed the kitchen floors. I went over the tiles in the bathroom with an old toothbrush to get the mildew. I reorganized my CD collection. I even went into Milo’s room and tried to straighten up what was left of his things.
His things had started collecting dust, and there was something incredibly sad about that. It was the nail on the coffin of the life we had. My future was still up for grabs, but his fate was sealed. In most ways, I had come to terms with that, but with Jack currently freezing me out, the isolation of my life felt even more intense.
After the apartment looked cleaner than it ever had before, I had nothing else to do. I occupied myself for the better part of the day, but the sun began to set, and that’s when the loneliness started.
I had gotten used to spending my days alone, but the nights didn’t seem to get any easier. As of late, I had been able to fill them with sleep, but with that infernal fatigue finally gone, I had nothing to busy myself with on a Saturday night.
I put on some comfy pajamas and put on the Bat For Lashes album. Curling up in bed and reading a good book would be the perfect way to pass the evening, and it would help keep me from noticing how very slowly time passed.
I flopped back in bed and reached over onto my nightstand for Peter’s book, but my hand came up empty. The book wasn’t there.
- 25 -
I got out of bed and started rooting around for the book. It wasn’t on the floor around the nightstand, and since I had cleaned, there weren’t dirty clothes for it to hide under. I lay on my belly and squeezed under my bed, which was still pretty full of dust bunnies, but no book.
Milo’s ringtone interrupted my search, and the book was forgotten. On my knees, I scrambled to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. A text from Milo wasn’t as exciting as one from Jack, but maybe they were ending the embargo.
Jane keeps calling me. She’s drunk. Milo texted.
I’m sorry? I replied, unsure of what exactly he hoped I would do about it.
I can’t talk to her. I just make it worse. Milo responded, but that still didn’t explain what he expected me to do.
Then don’t talk to her. I messaged back.
Can you talk to her? She’s making weird threats.
Like what? My heart raced and fell at the same time. He wasn’t texting me to talk to me. I was supposed to clean up his mess, but strangely, that made me feel special.
Stuff about “exposing” us. I don’t know. Can you try reasoning with her? Milo texted.
I’ll see what I can do.