“I know.” Tears were brimming at my eyes, and I blinked them back.
“Don’t think that I’m saying this because I don’t want you to turn. You know how badly I want you to.” The way he said it made him sound desperate for me to turn, but I understood. “But I know this isn’t going to be easy for you. And I don’t want you to make your decisions based on me or anyone else.”
“I won’t.”
My heart pulled me into separate directions, and the only solution seemed to be to tear it in two.
Peter still hadn’t returned from the business trip, and I still hadn’t made a decision. My entire life felt like it was at an impasse.
To keep me busy, Jack had taken me to a play and the zoo, but neither of those things really alleviated anything that was going on. Everything felt so up in the air, and I knew that I had to deal with things before the uncertainty killed me.
As soon as I woke up, I went downstairs, in my jammies with my hair all messed up and my eyes full of sleep. Ezra sat on the chaise lounge, reading a book, and Mae sat near his feet, doing a large puzzle on the hardwood floor.
When I had gotten up, I heard the shower running in Jack’s room, so I assumed that’s where he was. He’d be otherwise occupied, making the conversation easier.
“Is something the matter?” Ezra looked me over.
“Are you alright, love?” Mae chimed in, looking equally worried.
“When is Peter coming home?” I asked.
“I don’t know for sure.” Ezra adjusted himself so he was sitting up fully. “Would you like me to call him and find out?”
“What’s going to happen when he comes home?” I crossed my arms on my chest, trying to look tough, even though I knew it was as ridiculous as it sounded. “Well?”
“We don’t know exactly,” Ezra answered carefully.
“He hates me.” Just saying it aloud it hurt, but it didn’t change any of the facts. “Or if you prefer, he hates the way he feels about me. That’s not gonna change when he comes home, is it?”
“We don’t really understand what’s happening with the two of you. I can’t answer that,” Ezra said evasively.
“What are you trying to find out?” Mae asked.
“If Peter doesn’t want me, then what’s the point of me turning?” I asked. They exchanged looks but didn’t immediately answer me. “Are you expecting that he’ll magically change his mind when he gets back?”
“Not really, no,” Ezra admitted honestly.
“Then what is the point of all of this?” I gestured to everything around me, wondering what they were getting out of putting me up and hanging around me like this.
“All of what?” Jack bounded down the stairs and into the living room, running a hand through his damp hair, and I grimaced inwardly. I had decided to have this talk now because I knew he wouldn’t be around.
“She wants to know what’s going to happen once Peter comes back,” Ezra explained when it appeared that I wouldn’t.
I shifted uneasily and looked over Jack, who had suddenly become very nervous. His blue eyes flitted over me, then he turned to Ezra and Mae for help.
Ezra had discarded his book on the chaise, and Mae smiled helplessly towards us. I knew they didn’t have a good answer. Things had been set in motion, and while they didn’t really have any plans to change them, there was no real reason for them to move forward anymore.
“He’s not gonna want me, Jack,” I said miserably. “What’s the point of me turning?”
“What’s the point of anyone turning?” Jack scoffed and looked away from me. “Come on, Alice. There isn’t a point to any of this!”
“There has to be a point!” I shouted, surprised by the quavering in my voice. It was just starting to hit me what I was saying, what I was rejecting, and I could tell by the stunned, hurt expression on his face that it was sinking in too. “If I’m going to destroy my brother’s life, it has to be for a reason!”
“You’re not going to destroy his life!” Jack rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. “So what if Peter doesn’t ever change his mind? Good! I hope he doesn’t! They want you here! I want you here!”
“Doesn’t that give me even more of a reason not to turn?” I gave him a hard look. The kiss wanted to replay itself in my mind, but I couldn’t let it, or Jack might react to my heartbeat.
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
He tried to pretend like he didn’t understand, but the quick movement of his eyes led me to believe he did. That kiss had been incredible, and the risk of us doing it again was too great. He would’ve bit me if Mae hadn’t walked in, and we couldn’t count on her to walk in at just the right moment every time we were alone.