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Wyn sat down next to me, cafeteria tray and plastic bangles clanging. She didn’t say anything at first. I didn’t blame her; I didn’t know what to say either. How could I start a conversation after what had happened last night?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, much softer than I had wanted to.
“I’m sorry, too,” she responded, her bright voice sounding off against my strained whisper. “If I had known it was such a big deal, I wouldn’t have brought it up.” She paused and bit her lip, as if contemplating whether or not to say something else. I looked at her in expectation, but she had decided against it, looking back down to her food.
I sighed and went back to my food as well. I was glad we had moved beyond it, but the awkwardness still wasn’t over. I hoped I could think of something witty to say that would strike up a bright conversation, yet nothing came to mind that I wanted to share. Every thought in my mind was an over-dramatic problem, so I kept them all to myself.
We sat in a very strained silence through all of lunch, each of us eating our greasy cafeteria food as if we sat alone. I felt an odd gnawing at my heart that I wasn’t sure I had ever felt before. I had ruined everything and all because of the mark. Wyn was right when she told me not to let it ruin my life anymore, except this time, I was doing it intentionally. It wasn’t like Wyn had tried to leave; I sat here trying to push her away, not knowing how to stop myself.
I turned toward her just as the bell rang, surprised to see her already looking at me. Her dark eyes stared into me, pinning me in place with a look of mingled excitement and fear. She looked like she was expecting something from me. I opened my mouth to answer her unasked question, but closed it again, realizing I didn’t know what she was going to say.
“I better get going to English,” Wyn said without looking away from me.
I watched her as she turned to leave, ratty shoulder bag draped across her back. I wanted to run after her, to explain why everything upset me and all about Ryland, and my dad, and everything. I just couldn’t make myself move.
Wyn took a step to the side, leaving a break in the small group of students leaving the cafeteria. That small movement gave me a clear view of the door, and the blonde man standing next to it.
I looked away from Wyn’s retreating back to meet the stare of bright, blue eyes. My stomach clenched in fear as his gaze bored into mine in a glance so intense, I felt the blood drain from my face. All the times I had seen him, I had felt uncomfortable, like I was being stalked, and this time was no different. Except now, I knew without a doubt that he was following me. My frantic and panicked heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.
In the back of my mind, I began to rolodex through every possible reason for being stalked. Everything from child predator to long-lost relative went through my mind in rapid succession. All the while, his eyes never left me; they kept me locked in place with their wide, eager expectation.
The man leaned forward, his back arching him toward me. His eyes narrowed as he continued to stare into me. A shiver wound its way up my spine, causing me to inhale for a breath I hadn’t remembered holding. At my sudden intake, a coy, little half smile spread across his face as if he enjoyed it. My stomach clenched in even further terror, my mind casting away any thoughts of what that smile could mean. I didn’t want to know. He continued to stare into me before releasing me as he turned to walk out of the cafeteria.
I didn’t dare move, even though class had already started. I was left alone with the janitorial staff and the smell of ammonia. I continued to stare at the vacant door as the edge of fear ebbed away and my spine started to relax. I shouldn’t be so worked-up over one random man staring at me, even though he had been following me. It could be anything, right?
I shook my head in frustration as I gathered my belongings and headed out the side door of the cafeteria that led to the back of the school. I knew I would get in trouble for skipping classes, but right then, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to risk being seen by either Wyn or the blonde man.
I turned around right outside the door and placed my fingers in the grooves of the deep red brick that covered the school. I lifted myself up, my worn sneakers gripping the brick as I began to scale my way toward the roof. My backpack bounced against my back as I moved up. With so little to cling onto, I was surprised I could do this at all, but something about heights and climbing had always drawn me in.