It wasn’t desire, lust or even love that made him view her through rose-colored glasses. Regardless of their relationship or his feelings for her, nothing about her actions contradicted his assessment of her character.
“I’ve lived my entire life lonely and afraid,” she said, pain evident in her voice. “Running. Hiding. From who I am and what I am. I’m done with that life, Caleb. And before you argue whether I should take this on or not, you need to consider that you’re the reason I no longer want to be that frightened, weak shell of a woman I’ve been for so long. You’re the reason I want?. . .??better. You deserve better than that. I deserve better. Whatever we have, wherever this is going between us doesn’t have a chance in hell if I can’t regain control over my own life. As nice as it sounds that you’ll protect me and take care of me, how long do you think it would take before you realize that you got a shitty deal? And that we are in no way equals in a relationship but rather I’m a codependent leech sucking the life right out of you? You can’t possibly think you’d be happy with a woman like I just described. You’re too strong for that. Your personality is too strong for you to have a much weaker partner. You may as well be a parental figure for all the dependence I’ve demonstrated.”
There was so much disgust and self-loathing aimed at herself that he flinched under the force and vehemence of her words. She simmered with rage, her entire body shaking. The hand that rested on his chest had curled into a tight, white-knuckled fist.
As much as he wanted to do exactly those things she described, he realized that it was grossly unfair to her. And it certainly didn’t do justice to her intelligence or determination. It was his nature to charge in, take control and put her in a box where he knew she’d be safe. But it was no way for her to live. He was starting to understand her frustration, that she was reaching her boiling point. Maybe she was already there.
His protective instincts were strong. Not only when it came to Ramie but when it came to his family as well. The idea of sitting back and loosening his tight hold on either of them went against who and what he was. But if he didn’t learn to do just that, he would very likely lose Ramie.
Maybe not right away but eventually she’d tire of his authority and control.
“I understand,” he murmured. “I get it, Ramie. I do. But we’re going to just have to agree to disagree when it comes to your supposition that you aren’t strong or courageous. This is one area I refuse to back down over. I don’t know of anyone, man, woman or child, who could so stoically endure all you have for the last decade.”
She lifted her head, raw emotion swirling in her smoky, storm-colored eyes.
“But that’s just it, Caleb. I haven’t stoically endured. God, I wish I had or that I could. The problem is I feel too much. I absorb too much. It’s wrecked me more times than I can count. And just when I finally reach a point where I think things will return to some semblance of normalcy again I’m pulled right back into a world of pain and death and misery.”
His hand threaded through her hair, and he stroked her scalp through the tresses in an effort to soothe her.
“Shhh, I understand, baby. Stop beating yourself up. It does no one any good. I’d rather talk about the fact that you just admitted that I was the reason you want more—better,” he amended.
“I do. You are,” she whispered. “But I’m afraid to dream. I never have good dreams, Caleb. Only bad. Just once I want something good and wonderful.”
He wrapped his arm around her waist and then rolled her underneath him. His lips met hers in a heated rush, his tongue sliding over hers and tasting.
As he lifted his head, their lips parting, their gazes locked and held.
“I’ll give you good dreams, Ramie. And I’ll hold you during the bad. And we’ll dream the good together.”
Her gaze was intent, seeking and searching, testing the veracity of his vow.
And then her eyes softened, some of the darkness chased away, sunlight replacing summer storm clouds.
“Dream the good,” she murmured. “I like that.”
His head lowered to take possession of her mouth. Even as he kissed her, his hand slid underneath her shirt, his palm splayed over her belly and then slid upward to cup one breast. He brushed his thumb over her nipple, coaxing it to a rigid peak.
Gently he divested her of the rest of her clothing and then did the same to himself before covering her body with his own.
“Tonight I want you to only dream of me,” he murmured between kisses. “And for you to go to sleep feeling loved and protected. Because I do love you and I will protect you, baby.”
She arched her body into his, craving his warmth and touch. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and returned his kiss, deepening it and responding passionately.
“I need you so much, Caleb,” she whispered, yearning evident in her voice.
“I need you every bit as much. I need you to believe that, Ramie. If you believe nothing else.”