Either way, this was what life was now, and if we needed supplies, that’s where we had to go. I glanced over at Fate, keeping a stony expression plastered on my face.
I’d woken up as alone as I’d gone to sleep. He’d been up and as cheery as a cherry on an ice cream sundae this morning. He was having coffee and saying something about how we needed to make a run today and some bullshit about how I had to be the one to go with him. I guess he liked variety. He’d have to look somewhere else if he thought he was going to add me to the mares on his carousel.
“Ask.” He let out a disgruntled sigh and I wondered if my mask had slipped. “God, if I’d known you were going to be like this, I would’ve left a note.”
He was annoyed? I wanted to ask him if being a dick and bed hopping inconvenienced him but then he’d know it bugged me for sure instead of assuming. “Ask what? I don’t have any questions.” Not for him. Not anymore. Every question and doubt had been answered last night, confirming everything I’d thought when the philandering pig who insisted I stay in his room did a no show. Cuddling dick.
I took a step forward and he wrapped a hand around my upper arm.
“I’m sorry you missed the memo, but I’ve struck manhandling from my list of acceptable behaviors.” I looked down my nose at the offending hold, “If you wouldn’t mind?”
“How did you plan on enforcing this new list of rules?” he asked, offending hand still in place.
“If you were a gentlemen, like some others I know, I wouldn’t need to enforce it.” I let the implication of Knox hover in the air, waiting to see if it would hit the target.
His jaw clenched and his grip firmed. I’d call that a bull’s-eye.
“Ask.”
I turned away from him. He could keep me standing in this parking lot all day and night. I still wouldn’t ask. “I told you. I don’t care.”
“That’s it? You don’t even ask? You know, I knew you had a lot of pride but don’t you think this is a bit ridiculous?” he asked, his hand not budging from my arm.
“I haven’t the foggiest idea of what you’re referring to,” I replied, refusing to even look at him.
“Fine. I’ll tell you anyway, since someone needs to save you from your whopping ego.”
“My ego?”
“I was at Lars’s last night. They had a problem over there.”
He dropped his hand. It was probably because he couldn’t achieve the smug look he was going for without being able to add the final touch of crossing his arms in front of his chest.
His hand was no longer forcing me to stay there and listen; I was forced to stay of my own volition. But damned if I’d make it that easy. “You could be making it up.”
“That’s the best you’ve got?” He raised his eyebrows while managing to squint his eyes at the same time.
He wouldn’t be able to pull off a lie like that with the way our co-workers gossiped. If he’d been with Mother last night, someone would have been spilling the beans by morning. I would have heard about it over breakfast. I could hear them now, Can you pass the bacon, Fate slept with Mother and I’d like the syrup as well.
I shrugged in acknowledgment as the toe of my boot sent a pebble flying. “I didn’t ask because it wasn’t a big deal either way.”
“I could tell. I love listening to the music so loud that I can’t hear my voice.”
Every time he’d tried to speak on the way over, I’d turned the volume on the radio up a couple of notches. My back to him, I looked at the supermarket because I had this goddamn smile trying to burst out on my face and it was stubbornly fighting all resistance. A subject change before he caught onto how relieved and giddy I was feeling wasn’t a bad idea. This was pathetic. It was like dying had set me back ten years of emotional maturity, right smack into the awkward teens again.
“I just don’t get it. How’s Malokin making everyone crazy?” It was a stupid question, in the sense that Fate didn’t have any more answers than I did. I knew he didn’t. We’d discussed this several times. But it didn’t matter, because that wasn’t the point. I had to get us back on work talk.
Unfortunately, I was worried the smile on my face tainted the tone I’d asked in. It was a somber question and I’d made it sound like I’d asked for my favorite flavor of ice cream. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed that my question about world disorder sounded a lot like the way I’d say can I have extra whip and rainbow sprinkles.
“That question is really eating you up.” I’d never heard Fate quite so sarcastic.
I put my hands to my cheeks, trying to manually pull the smile down. “It is.” Nah, that couldn’t have sounded as weird as I thought.
I heard Fate shuffling things around as he grabbed several duffle bags before he started walking toward the place. He was moving forward into the store. Back to death and destruction. Oh good, comfortable footing again.
The awkwardness was past, along with the honest moment. A lot of those seemed to be slipping by lately, with my encouragement, and I was starting to get sad about watching them go. But I still wasn’t ready to try and stop them leaving. I always had the excuse of unfortunate timing to fall back on.
I watched his back and the surroundings sucked up all my attention again. Destruction had a tendency to ground you in reality when it was smacked in your face.
He stopped and turned back to see I hadn’t moved. His eyes narrowed as he took in my still form.
I shook my head. “I don’t know about this.”
I’d spent years of my life defending criminals but always holding myself to a higher standard. Was I really going to contribute to a business being looted? Nothing about it felt right.
“Do you know the last time I had to do my own shopping? At least this is something you’re used to doing.” He pushed the sliding duffle bag back onto his shoulder.
“I’m not talking about shopping. I’m not comfortable contributing to this.” I pointed at the store.
He pointed toward our destination. “At this point, it’s either loot or don’t eat. I’ve had to not eat before. We won’t die but it sucks. As far as stealing, I’m going to send the corporation that owns this store a nice check as soon as the postal service is up and running again. I’ll round up if it makes you feel better but I’m eating tonight.”
I gripped my own duffle bag and forced myself to follow him. Those were terms I could live with.
“Stay close to me,” he said, as we headed toward the broken window.
“You have seen me fight, right?” I wasn’t a slouch when it came to hand to hand combat, as I’d proved in the past.
“Stay close anyway,” he repeated, and I knew what scene his mind was replaying. The almost rape. Why was it I could walk around kicking ass for months but get overpowered one time and I was the weak loser? Reputations suck like that. Hell to build and so easy to destroy.
“You know, there was something off about that guy. He was really strong. These are only scattered humans. Not even a true mob.” Not like what I’d seen heading down the beach the other night. It had been a group of twenty or so. They’d taken one look at Fate, machinegun in hand, and had kept walking.
Although word was getting around, even with the crazies, that there was a gang of three thirteen-year-old boys that liked to use pedestrians as target practice. They aimed to miss but they weren’t great shots. Our block was getting more and more peaceful.
“They aren’t a mob right now but in times like these, you don’t take anything for granted.” What he didn’t say was like how I let you walk into a convenience store alone.
I knew it was eating him up, because he felt some strange responsibility for me, so I let the subject drop. I didn’t care for the reminder myself.
We stepped over the low clearing of the empty window frame. The building was worse inside than I’d imagined.