They are so going to get me arrested and my mom will kill me for it.
Simi pointed to the schematic Bubba had produced from memory of what he liked to cal the numerous “unfortunate incarcerations” he’d had at the parish lockup. “See, now the Simi can napalm that and—”
“That might kil them, Simi,” Nick pointed out.
She looked up innocently. “Your point?” Nick was too stunned to answer her honest question.
So Madaug answered for him. “We need Brian alive to test him.”
“Wel , poo.” Simi crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. “You just take al the fun out of it then. You sure you don’t know my akri?”
They ignored her.
Caleb leaned back in his chair to study them. “Can’t a lawyer get in to see him?”
Bubba nodded as he studied his diagram. “Wel , yeah, but a lawyer ain’t going to spring him.”
Caleb smirked. “Depends on the lawyer.” Bubba looked up with a scowl. “How you mean?” Caleb’s eyes gleamed like a demon eyeing evil. “I know one who owes me a favor.”
“You know a lawyer?” Bubba’s voice was fil ed with disbelief.
Caleb rubbed his hands down his shirt. “Hey, beneath these
… wel , they’re basical y crappy clothes.” Nick frowned at his choice of words. Only Caleb would consider his nice designer shirt and jeans crappy. “But beneath them beats the heart of someone who knows the right people wil ing to sometimes do the wrong thing for the right price.”
Bubba wasn’t completely sold on it and neither was Nick.
“Yeah, but we need to do this before anyone else gets kil ed.
We have to know if this is a cure.”
Caleb pul ed out his cel phone. “Can be arranged. Trust me.”
Nick wasn’t any more wil ing to buy into this than Bubba was. Not to mention, there was one real y important, as yet unaddressed factor. “How much is this going to cost us?” Caleb held his hand up. “Hi. This is Malphas cal ing to talk to Virgil Ward. Is he in?” He gave them a crap-eating grin as he waited.
Nick could hear the tone of a deep voice on the line, but he couldn’t make out the words.
“Hey, Virg. Long time.” Caleb laughed at something Virgil must have said. “No, it’s nothing like that. We rather have a situation where we need to get in to jail, not have you get us out.”
He paused again to listen. “Yeah, I agree. Stupid is my middle name, you know that. I’m pretty sure you’re the one who gave it to me. So can you help a brother out?” He rol ed his eyes. “No, you can’t have my soul for it. I don’t even have my soul. Yeah, I know you’re a bloodsucking attorney, but you’re going to have to placate yourself with money like the rest of the mundanes.”
Nick passed a scowl to Mark, Bubba, and Madaug, who looked as puzzled as he felt. Caleb was definitely an odd duck.
“Is that real y what you want as payment?” he flashed another grin at them. “Done. Can you meet us outside the jail in about twenty minutes? Yeah, we’l see you then. Thanks, bud, and yes, I’m wel aware of the fact that I owe you.” Hanging up the phone, he winked at them. “Let’s go stun us a zombie.”
Nick couldn’t believe Caleb had accomplished it so fast.
“I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be. One of you guys is going to have to feed the vampiric lawyer some blood and it can’t be me.” Nick rol ed his eyes at Caleb’s bizarre humor. “Why? You afraid of a little bite?”
Caleb laughed. “I’m anemic.”
“And I’m Catholic. Doesn’t that knock me out of the running?
”
Caleb shook his head at Nick.
“The Simi gots some barbecue sauce in her bag. It kind of looks like blood if you squint at it the right way. And it don’t coagulate between your teeth like blood or give you them funky burps, not to mention it tastes a lot better too. Especial y over that type A stuff. Bleh! I’d rather eat my shoes. But that O-flavored blood … yum!” She straightened and held one finger up in a gesture that strangely reminded him of Smokey the Bear. “And just remember, kids, three out of four demons al prefer barbecue sauce over hemoglobin.”
“Oookay.” Bubba stepped away from her, which said something. When Bubba repudiated you, you knew you were the poster child for weird. “On that note … I guess we need to get into the truck.”
Grabbing his keys and the cattle prod, Bubba led them outside to his giant dark green Armada, which he said he’d bought because it was one of the few things large enough to haul al of his zombie-kil ing gear.
And it was great for tailgate parties.
Nick cast a doubtful glance at the cattle prod before he got into the back of the truck while the others piled in. “So, out of curiosity … any ideas on how we’re going to get a three-foot cattle prod smuggled into jail?”
Caleb buckled himself in. “That’s why we need Virgil. He can smuggle in anything.”
“You think a lot of him, don’t you?”
Caleb shrugged. “I’ve known him a long time and have seen him do things that would put hair on your chest.”
“Yeah, like what?”