“Don’t you get smart with me, Nicholas Gautier. I’m too mad at you right now to take it.”
He had to clamp down on his own temper. If he’d learned anything in his life, it was that his mom didn’t react wel to direct conflict. A nice, contrite Nicky was often one who avoided being grounded even when he deserved it. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m not trying to be smart.” He was trying to get her to stop screaming at him. “I got covered in—” He paused before he said the word “blood.” That would flip her out even more. “
—goo during the class.” A smal lie, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t give her a heart attack and him a restriction that lasted until he was bald and middle-aged. “I—um, I wanted to take a bath at Bubba’s before I headed back and got goo al over the club, which might get you into trouble.” Not to mention the sight of his bloody clothes would have panicked her into cal ing the police, and the last thing Bubba needed was another arrest on his record. “I should have cal ed and let you know first. I’m real y sorry. I guess I spent more time in the shower than I meant to. Did you know Bubba has one of them steam things that comes down from the ceiling? You should see this bathroom, Mom. It’s the coolest awesome ever.” She refused to let him distract her. “Are you al right?”
“Yes, ma’am.” A little show of respect always went a long way in soothing her.
She sighed. “Then I guess there’s no harm. But you did scare me, Nick. I just want you to know that.”
“Sorry, Ma. By the way, Bubba said he’d walk me over to the club.”
“That’s mighty nice of him.” Her voice was final y back to normal and not the I-want-your-butt-on-a-platter tone it’d been a few minutes ago. “Tel him I said thanks.”
“I wil . Is it okay if we stop for something to eat too?” Her tone turned sharp again like she was accusing him of something. “I thought you ate at Mr. Hunter’s?”
“I did. But I’m hungry again.”
“Oh.” She went from angry to calm so fast that he wondered if she wasn’t the Ferrari of moms. Her top speed had to be
.65 nanoseconds. Maybe less. “You must be growing again.
You want to come get some money?”
“Nah, Mr. Hunter gave me some earlier.”
“Why?” Boom! Her anger returned. Granted it was tinged with something he thought might be fear or suspicion, but the primary tone was definitely anger.
“Taxi money in case I needed it to get to work or home. He didn’t want me on the streetcar after dark ’cause he said he didn’t want me to get hurt.” Which, when combined with what Mr. Poitiers had given him, was close to a hundred bucks.
They kept this up and he might actual y start making some progress on his ever-pathetic col ege fund.
“I don’t know what I think about that, Nick.” What was there to think about? From his point of view if they were wil ing to throw money at him and he didn’t have to do anything for it, he was more than wil ing to take it. “Wel , while you figure that out, can I eat?”
She made a sound of aggravation. “I swear you’re the lippiest child on the planet. Yes, Nicky, grab something to eat and I’l see you within the hour or I wil come and get you myself. Do you understand? And you wil be a very sorry young man if I do.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I love you, baby.” Must be some mutant form of maternal bipolar disorder. There was no other explanation for the frightening mood swings.
“I love you, too, Mom, and I real y am sorry I worried you.”
“It’s al right. It’s what you’re best at anyway. Remember to eat some vegetables, and neither french fries nor ketchup count.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Nick hung up the phone and dressed in his jeans and the Triple B big bal s and brains T-shirt Bubba had loaned him. The best part of it was Bubba’s logo on the back that featured a photo of Bubba holding a shotgun over his shoulder as he leaned up against an oversized computer that had smoke coming out of the top of it and a bunch of bul et holes in the monitor. It read:
Computer Problems?
Dial 1-888-Ca-Bubba
If I can’t take care of your problems one way …
I’ll take care of them anotha’
And in smal print under it, it read: We tend all manner of ills for you. Zombies, rodents, and vampires. If you got a pest, we got a cure. Just call us now. We wil believe you.
Yeah, Bubba real y wasn’t right in the head, but Nick loved the commercials he and Mark filmed for the store. They were hilarious. And always ended with that slogan. “Ca’ Bubba.” Sad thing was, he knew for a fact that Bubba had used a few people’s computers for target practice, and he didn’t want to think about Mark and the anti-zombie duck urine.
Shaking his head, he toweled off his hair and went downstairs to where Bubba, Mark, Simi, Caleb, and Madaug were discussing the great jailbreak.