Bubba scowled. “Why? What’s going on?”
“Who let loose the zombies?” one of the guys asked.
“Yeah, and they don’t move slow,” another inserted. “They’re like super zombie mutants on speed.”
The tal est of the guys pointed to his swol en and red eye.
“They look like a rival footbal team that I swear we played a couple of weeks back. Which is how I got the black eye. I was trying to keep Tabitha from committing murder.” Madaug moved past Nick, his mouth hanging open. “Eric?
Is that you?”
The one holding his eye turned with a stern frown. His black hair was teased to stand out al over his head like Rob Smith from the Cure. He wore even more makeup than Tabitha, which included black lipstick, guyliner, and black blush. Even his fingernails were painted black. A color that swathed him from head to toe. “What’s my kid brother doing here?”
“Mazel tov, Eric!” Bubba slapped him on the back so hard he staggered. “Your brother is the one who gave us the zombies.”
Eric’s face was a mask of disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Madaug?” Eric turned on his brother then. “What the he—you doing? Mom and Dad are going to ground you for life.”
“I know,” Madaug said wistful y. “I’m trying to undo it. But …” He shook his head as if he’d had a thought and was banishing it. “Never mind. You’re worthless. You haven’t passed a science test since fourth grade.”
Eric shoved him.
Madaug pushed back. “Don’t start with me, you cross-dressing freak. I can’t believe I share a common gene with you. I swear Mom and Dad found you at a rest stop.”
“They found you in a toilet drain, jerk weed.” Tabitha separated them. “Quit, you two. Save your energy for kil ing what’s important. The undead.” Bubba rested the top of the ax against the floor. “Hang on a minute, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this … but since what we’re dealing with is innocent kids Madaug messed with and a handful of real y stupid adults who should have had a life other than playing video games, and you should consider that’s coming from a gaming addict, we can’t kil them.” He passed a stern look to Tabitha. “These ain’t the undead, Tabby. They’re living, breathing morons and we have to save them.”
Tabitha sighed in disgust. “I’d rather stake them al and let God sort them out.”
“And I’d rather not go to jail for the rest of my life,” Eric said sternly. “No offense, but I know what they do to good-looking guys in prison and I’m way too cute to be resisted.” Mark snorted. “Pah-lease. Your worse problem what with that black lipstick and long hair is that they’l mistake you for a woman. I highly doubt they’d lock you up with the men dressed in that getup. More like you’d go in with the prostitutes. Hey …
you know, lockup might not be so bad for you.”
“ADD applicants,” Bubba snapped, “can I have your attention for a minute. We need to get out there and find these people before they eat anyone else. Bring them here so we can try to undo what Madaug did.”
Eric pursed his lips. “Where we going to put them? The tub?”
Bubba glowered at Eric before he went to the wal , pul ed down a gun, and showed a hidden …
Cel —one that was completely padded and with steel reinforcements and restraints hanging from the ceiling. Nick had never seen anything like that in his life.
Tabitha laughed. “Oh my God, Bubba has a sex dungeon!” Bubba narrowed his glare on her. “You’re too young to know about such things.”
“Are you kidding? My aunt owns Pandora’s Box on Bourbon Street. From the looks of those restraints, I think you went shopping there.”
Bubba made a sound of deep aggravation as he glanced at Eric. “Can you muzzle her?”
“How you think I got the black eye? And for your information, she don’t hit like a girl. She might be from an al -estrogen family, but some dude trained her wel .” Mark arched one brow. “Looks like bad eyeliner to me. You sure you got hit by a girl?”
Bubba whistled. “And we’ve lost focus again, people. I swear it’s like herding cats. For the next five minutes I want al of you to banish the sarcasm and focus. I know I’m asking for a miracle, but this is life and death. Okay?”
“A’ight,” they said in unison.
Bubba nodded at al of them. “We have got to protect the city. I want al of you out there patrol ing for zombies. When you find them—”
“Stake them!” Tabitha pul ed out one of her steel spikes to il ustrate her words.
Bubba snatched it from her. “No. Get them to chase you back here, where Mark and I wil be waiting to tranq them. Is everyone clear? No murder. No bloodshed.” Tabitha rol ed her eyes. “What a waste of a good night.” Madaug was aghast as he looked at his older brother. “Do Mom and Dad know you’re dating a homicidal lunatic?”