In His Keeping (Slow Burn #2)

She needed that reassurance and it could only come from them. No one else. If she’d been desperate to save them before, that desperation had multiplied tenfold. Because if they died before she could have answers to the questions that swirled in her mind at supersonic speed, making her dizzy and light-headed, her life would forever be incomplete. An important part of herself would always be out of reach. How could she expect Beau to accept her when even she didn’t know who she was anymore?

She’d been fully aware that her father hadn’t always been on the straight and narrow, that he had a murky, questionable past, but that when her mother swept into his life, his future had been irrevocably altered and he’d made a concerted effort to be the man she deserved.

But now, for the first time, she questioned whether he’d truly left his old life behind. Whether the “good” man she’d always considered her father to be was yet another lie in an ever growing list of lies and untruths. Lies of omission were even worse than outright lies in Ari’s opinion. Because lies of omission were blatant attempts to hide the truth. To keep a person from ever discovering the truth. It was sheer manipulation and it wasn’t honorable, nor did it speak to a person’s integrity.

It hurt to think that a man Ari had always looked up to, idolized and worshipped, was capable of such deception. Because now she was forced to question every other aspect of her past. What else had he kept from her? What else had he outright lied to her about? Was it all a lie? Every part of her existence?

Through the fog of her grief and utter despair, she saw Ramie suddenly sag, listing in the opposite direction from Caleb. He immediately made a grab for her though his hands were infinitely gentle. He guided her back toward him and then simply pulled her onto his lap, cradling her tenderly, his lips pressed against her brow.

There was profound relief in his eyes that she hadn’t endured the unthinkable. But Ari was sick with worry. What did it mean that she seemed to only see the past?

Ari couldn’t stand. Her legs were so rubbery and she was so utterly devastated that her strength was completely gone. So she half crawled, half dragged her numb extremities toward the couch where Ramie lay in Caleb’s arms, awake but drowsy and lethargic.

Apology was in Ari’s eyes and on her face as she met Caleb’s gaze. Once again he surprised her because she was met with tenderness and sympathy.

“I know she’s tired. I know what a toll this takes on her. But please. I need to talk to her before she goes under. I have to know.”

Ramie stirred and directed her cloudy gaze at Ari. “I’m okay, Ari. Much better than the other times. I’m only tired because of the mental strain of maintaining links, in this case, four separate entities. I’ll try to answer your questions if I know the answer. Just be patient with me. I’m a bit slow when I come out of a session and my thoughts are unfocused.”

“You trying is all I ask,” Ari murmured

She leaned her elbows on Caleb’s knees, hoping he didn’t mind the extra burden, but it was the only way Ari herself would be able to support herself and keep from sliding to the floor in a useless heap.

“Everything you talked about was in the past. A long time in the past,” Ari said hoarsely. “But what about now? Did you pick up on anything that would help us find them?”

Sorry and apology swamped Ramie’s eyes. She weakly reached for Ari’s hand and drew it into her grasp, squeezing in a show of comfort and support.

“Nothing,” Ramie admitted. “I’m so sorry, Ari. I would have gladly endured anything if it helped you. The impressions I did get were strong, despite the events being from years ago. There were flashes after the passages I related aloud. But they were random. You as a baby. Then as a toddler. A young girl. A preteen and then a teenager blossoming into a woman. The lovies, as you call them, were like silent observers of events that transpired over the years. Almost like a history, the history of you and your family. They are very special items. I hope you can keep them for many years to come.”

Ari rocked back on her heels, wrenching her arms from Caleb’s legs, not wanting anyone to touch her, to see her, to witness the horrible, gut-wrenching agony that consumed her. It was all for nothing. Instead of being able to find her “parents” and bring them home safely, all she’d received was life-altering news that flayed her heart open, leaving it bleeding.

“No!” she cried out, shaking her head, refusing the truth that stared her right in the eye.

She stumbled upward, weaving, unsteady, again warding off Beau’s hands when he tried to help her. He backed off, at least giving her that. She couldn’t bear to be touched. She felt dirty. Rejected. Unworthy. When for her entire life she’d felt assured of her place in the world. Assured of her parents’ love. She felt . . . betrayed . . . in the worst possible manner. The kind that went soul deep and ripped her to shreds, leaving her with . . . nothing.

And no one.

The sudden feeling of being utterly alone in an unfamiliar, dark and cold world, where she had no safe harbor and nothing was as it seemed, filled her with despair to her very soul. In a single moment, she’d been stripped of everything. And she no longer even knew who she was.