The carpet felt soft on my bare feet, and I kept my eyes locked on the pale lilac and white roses that adorned the arbor. I listened to the music and counted my steps, and I tried desperately not to think about the night Ridley and I had spent together and how I’d wished it would last forever.
When I reached the altar, I took my place next to Ember and turned to watch Tilda. She came out a few seconds later and met Kasper. As soon as she saw him, her eyes filled with tears and she smiled. He took her hand, then he leaned over and whispered something in her ear, causing her to smile wider. Then hand in hand, the two of them walked down the aisle together.
It was only when they made it to the front, and the officiant had begun the ceremony, that I allowed myself to steal a glance around the room.
Kasper’s family sat in the front row, and by the rigid way his father sat, it was obvious that he’d once been a member of the H?gdragen. His mother seemed more relaxed, hanging on to her husband’s arm, her eyes brimming with tears.
Naima, Kasper’s little sister, was the spitting image of him. She couldn’t have been more than ten, with black corkscrew curls and a wide toothy smile, watching Kasper and Tilda with intense fascination.
But soon my eyes wandered beyond them, and it only took me a moment to spot Ridley, sitting in the third row. He was alone, no Juni by his side, and he was looking right at me. His dark eyes met mine, and for a moment I forgot to breathe.
Then Tilda turned to hand me her bouquet so she and Kasper could exchange rings, and I looked away from Ridley, forcing myself not to gaze in his direction again.
Tilda’s hands were trembling as Kasper slid on the ring, and she laughed nervously. From where I was standing I could see Kasper, and how his love for Tilda warmed his dark eyes when he looked at her.
To seal their matrimony, they kissed. Tilda put her hands on his face, and Kasper put his arm around her, and the kiss was chaste but passionate. As they embraced, I wondered if I’d ever seen two people who loved each other more.
THIRTY-SIX
interlude
Ember never missed an opportunity to dance, and she was out on the floor, twirling around underneath strings of fairy lights. Devin had been chosen as her reluctant dance partner, and she pulled him along with her, forcing him to keep up with her moves whether he wanted to or not.
After the ceremony, we’d moved to the reception in the adjacent party room, which was really just a small ballroom built for occasions like these. A three-piece orchestra had been set up at one end of the room, with Tilda’s sister Ilsa singing with them. Ilsa had an astonishing range and an amazing voice somehow suited perfectly for the covers of Etta James, Rosemary Clooney, and Roberta Flack that she was performing.
I sat at the side of the room, trying to hide in the shadows as I sipped my sparkling wine and watched the dance floor. Since Tilda and Kasper had invited so few people, it left the floor rather sparse, even when most couples were dancing together.
Unfortunately, that made it all too easy for me to see through them to Ridley at the other side of the room. He was standing near the buffet, absently picking at the vegetable skewers on his plate, and when he looked up at me I quickly looked away.
Tilda had been slow dancing with Kasper, their arms around each other as they talked and laughed, but she stepped aside so Kasper could dance with his little sister. As she walked across the dance floor toward me, Kasper spun Naima around, making her giggle uncontrollably.
“Is your plan to hide in the corner all night?” Tilda asked with a crooked smile, as she sat down in the chair next to me.
“I’m not hiding,” I lied and took another sip of my wine.
“Mmm-hmm,” she intoned knowingly.
“It was a beautiful ceremony,” I said, changing the subject.
Her smile turned wistful as she watched her new husband. Naima had taken to standing on Kasper’s feet, and he held her hands as they waltzed around the room, both of them smiling and laughing.
“It really was,” she agreed.
“I’ve never seen Kasper happier.”
Watching him now, so relaxed and beaming, reminded me of what he’d said the day before. Work was important to him, but it wasn’t his life. It wasn’t what defined him, and it wasn’t who he really was. This—the guy dancing with his kid sister, smiling at his wife—was Kasper.
His words had stuck with me, and as I watched him I couldn’t help but wonder—if the balance of working a job that mattered and having a life outside of it was possible for him, could it be possible for me too? Had I been wrong in assuming I had to choose one over the other?
“You’ll have to talk to him eventually,” Tilda said, pulling me from my thoughts, and I looked over to see her gazing at me seriously.
I thought about playing dumb and asking who, but I knew Tilda would see through that, the way she always saw through my acts.
So instead I simply said, “I know.”