Amaia sat, but she couldn’t relax. “You wanted to see me?”
Michelle took a deep breath. “Yes. I wanted to tell you that I forgive you.” They locked eyes, and Amaia’s limbs relaxed slightly. This was what she had craved. Michelle broke the stare first. “I couldn’t in my last life. I felt too betrayed, deceived. Time has given me some perspective. I’ve been able to think it over, and I know now that this was all Lawrence’s doing. I never trusted him, not from the beginning. Any man who would exploit you the way he did couldn’t be trusted.”
“What made you change your mind? Whether Lawrence did this or not, the fact still remains that I’m a vampire.”
“I realized that I was blaming the victim.”
Amaia couldn’t help the puzzled twitch of her face. “Michelle, I’m not a victim.”
“Michelle?”
Amaia didn’t know her birth name. “I’m sorry. I call you Michelle in my head when you’re a woman.”
Michelle smirked and nodded. “That makes sense. I like it.”
“I’m glad. But Michelle, I’m not a victim.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not. I chose this.” Amaia didn’t know why she contradicted her. Michelle had forgiven her, had accepted her. Why ruin it? Because, if Michelle didn’t want the real her, then it was all just a fa?ade. At this point, Michelle either needed to accept her for who she was, or there was no future for them. It would be easier to face the truth now than draw it out in degrees.
“How could you choose it?”
“Lawrence asked me if I wanted to join him. I did. I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of you. What do you think? You proposed to me. You were going to take me away from the world I knew, and I was letting you.” Amaia touched her hand to her chest, feeling an echo of the pain she had felt during her mortal life. “Do you know how difficult that was for me?”
“Yes, Amaia, I do. Even more so now that I’ve lived as a woman. But we dealt with those issues.”
“Yes, you were able to assuage my fears for a time, but they were always present. Lawrence offered me a chance to be strong, to live forever, to never have to be weak. I already feared losing you—”
“So you decided to break from me permanently?” Michelle shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I had thought you would join me. Lawrence said if you really loved me, you would agree to be turned as well, and we could live together for eternity. Nothing could possibly have made me happier. But if you turned me down, then I would know you didn’t really love me, and I would know I had made the right decision. I would have given up my mortal weakness for eternal strength.”
“You had Lawrence turn you into a vampire because you didn’t trust my love for you?” Michelle’s voice dipped low as if trying to mask the hurt.
“That’s not fair, Michelle. I was protecting myself.”
“You wanted this?” Her disbelief was unmistakable.
“Yes. I told you: I’m not a victim. I love being a vampire.”
“Of course you love eternal life, but is it worth the price?”
“What price?”
Michelle huffed, as if it should be obvious. “Your humanity. Having to subsist off of blood.”
“You don’t understand.” Amaia leaned forward. “Those are the things I love. I love drinking human blood. I don’t miss my humanity because I despise it in humans. I love killing.”
“I can’t believe you’re capable of killing someone. It’s not possible.” Michelle leaned back, shaking her head.
“I killed you.”
“That’s different. You weren’t in control of yourself. I could see it in your eyes. They looked the same as someone who has been driven mad by fever.”
“That may be true. The circumstances were different than my other kills, but not my enjoyment. In fact, out of all of my kills, yours was the most enjoyable. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve spent the rest of my life chasing the high I felt from killing you.”
Michelle paled. “I refuse to believe it.”
Amaia shrugged. “That doesn’t surprise me. You also refuse to believe that there is no god. I hate humans, Michelle. Killing them is a joy.”
“You love me though.” Her voice was sure. Amaia wished she could have that strength of belief.
“It’s not the same for me. You don’t understand.”
Michelle leaned forward, so far that her hair curtained them. “Teach me.”
Chapter 34
Palermo, December 1794