“Is…is it very serious between the two of you?”
“No!” My denial was so vehement she frowned. Great, didn’t that sound nice? No, we can’t have a relationship because he’s technically dead, but my God is he gorgeous and fucks like a Trojan.
“Then why…?” She looked genuinely puzzled.
Sighing, I lay down on the bed. How to detail mindless lust to your mother?
“Well, it just happened. It wasn’t planned.”
A look of horror crossed her face. “Did you use any protection?”
“It wasn’t necessary,” I answered truthfully without thinking.
She clapped a hand to her mouth. “What do you mean, it wasn’t necessary? You could get pregnant! Or a disease!”
It took a lot of effort to keep me from rolling my eyes. I could just imagine my reply. Good news, Ma. He’s a vampire and an old one, so no pregnancy or diseases. It’s impossible.
Instead, I just told her not to worry.
“Don’t worry? Don’t worry! I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to drive into the next couple of towns where no one knows us, and I am going to buy you condoms! You’re not going to end up young and pregnant like I was—or worse. There’s AIDS now. And syphilis. And gonorrhea. And even things I can’t pronounce! If you’re going to engage in that kind of behavior, then at least you’re going to be safe about it.”
She grabbed her purse with a determined gleam and headed toward the door.
“But Mom…”
I followed her downstairs, trying to convince her not to leave, but she ignored me. My grandparents eyed me from the porch, faces drawn together like thunderclouds as my mother got in her car and drove off. It was definitely time to call that landlord.
The landlord, Mr. Josephs, told me I could move in the following weekend. It couldn’t come soon enough. I occupied myself with showering, shaving, brushing my teeth, anything but wondering what Bones was doing. Maybe I was worrying for nothing. Maybe it had just been casual for him, and I wouldn’t even have to tell him it couldn’t happen again. After all, the man was a couple hundred years older than me and a former gigolo. I certainly hadn’t robbed him of his virginity.
A car pulled into our driveway around six, and it didn’t sound like my mother. I looked out the window, curious, and saw it was a taxi. A familiar bleached head appeared next as Bones got out of it.
What was he doing here? Another panicked look revealed my mother still wasn’t back, but if she showed up now and saw him…
I ran down the stairs so fast, I tripped and landed in a heap at the landing just as my grandfather opened the door.
“Who are you?” he demanded of Bones.
I was mentally coming up with a story about him being a fellow college student when Bones answered him in perfectly polite tones.
“I am a nice young girl here to pick up your granddaughter for the weekend.”
Huh?
My grandmother poked her head out, too, mouth open at the sight of Bones in her doorway.
“Who are you?” she parroted.
“I’m a nice young girl come to pick your granddaughter up for the weekend,” he repeated the odd line, staring her directly in the eyes with a flash of green. She soon got the same glazed look her husband wore, and then nodded once.
“Oh, well, isn’t that nice? You are a nice young girl. Be a good friend to her and set her straight. She has love bruises on her neck and didn’t come home until this afternoon.”
Sweet Holy Jesus, why couldn’t the ground just swallow me? Bones stifled a laugh and nodded solemnly. “Don’t fret, Grannie. We’re going to a Bible retreat to scare the devil out of her.”
“Good for you,” my grandfather said in an approving voice, expression blank. “That’s what she needs. Been wild all her life.”
“Go have a pot of tea whilst we pack, both of you. Off you go.”
They went, still with empty eyes, and trod to the kitchen. Soon I could hear the water being sloshed into the kettle. They didn’t even drink tea.
“What do you think you’re doing here?” I asked in an angry whisper. “If only the movies were right and you couldn’t come in unless invited!”
He laughed at that. “Sorry, luv. Vampires can go anywhere they please.”
“Why are you here? And why did you trick my grandparents into thinking you’re a girl?”
“A nice girl,” he corrected me with a smile. “Can’t have them believing you’d taken up with a bad sort, can we?”
I was in a rush for him to leave. If my mother came back, it would take more than a flash of his eyes to convince her that he wasn’t what she’d see him as—her nightmare, come to life.