I stepped to the side, pushing him away. “You knew,” I said accusingly. “You knew what was happening—what had been happening to us all day—and you didn’t say a damn thing.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I had no idea until right now. Until I just tasted you. Something shattered between us when we came together and I know you felt it too.” He gazed at me in open wonder. “Your blood is calling to me right now. Just being this far apart is making me crazy. I need to touch you.”
He felt different to me too, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. It was too much. “How could this happen?” I scooted away. I needed some space. “Cats and dogs don’t play together, and if this really is true, the universe is playing some kind of cruel joke on us.”
“It’s no joke,” Rourke said, taking another step toward me. “Jessica, when I first saw you striding toward me in the bar, all confident and headstrong, it was all I could do not to bend you over a barstool and take you right there. But I marked it up to a regular male response to a gorgeous woman. I didn’t think about it any more than that.” His eyes were still wild, firing a beautiful green. “When I realized you hadn’t set me up, and you were in real trouble—my beast went crazy trying to get you out of there and out of harm’s way. I had trouble controlling his impulses, and it pissed me off. That has never happened to me before. It seems I’ve been denying him the whole time I’ve been with you, pushing him back, scolding him. He never stopped urging me, fighting with me, until this very moment. When you got in my face, I finally gave in to what he’s been pushing me to do all along.”
“And what was that?” I asked warily.
“To taste you.”
I knew in my bones what he was saying was true. I’d been denying my wolf just as hard. But that didn’t make it any easier to swallow. Rourke was nothing like any of the wolves had thought, but I still wasn’t ready. I’d just turned into a wolf—now I had a mate? It was too much, an insane amount of too much. “I can’t think. None of this is making any sense.” I put my hand to my forehead. “Why us? Why now? It takes some a thousand years to find their true mate.” I turned. “I need some air.” Before he could object I darted out the door, slamming it firmly behind me.
My wolf had gone quiet for once, her head angled at me like she wanted to ask a question. I cannot talk about this with you. I know where you stand, you’ve been abundantly clear on all fronts. You accept him. I get it. But I can’t deal with this right now. His scent is still inside me, driving me crazy. His taste is still on my lips. I crave him even now. Holy shit, I had a mate. And he was a cat.
I ran headfirst into the woods.
20
I followed a well-worn path leading away from the cabin. It ran without stopping straight into a wall of densely packed pine trees. I had to duck my head and pull apart low branches to get through.
Inside was a tiny clearing, ringed tightly with tall trees. The grassy field in the middle was so perfect and green, it appeared to have been freshly mowed. That was inconceivable. Rourke didn’t come up here and mow lawns.
I paced into the middle and looked up. The trees were entrancing, like a beautiful forested cathedral made of swaying boughs with a rooftop of the purest blue. The edges of the sky were fading to orange with the setting sun.
We have to do something, I told my wolf. I have to get my mind off of all this. She mimicked lying on the ground and barked. You want to shift? She yipped. What if I can’t shift all the way? She snapped the air in front of her and flicked her muzzle. It’s not a stupid question. We did that whole Lycan thing, and I have no idea how it happened, or how to do it again. She turned away from me like it wasn’t any concern of hers. What if I’m not in control as a wolf? I’m not ready for a repeat of the last time we were in our full true form. My wolf turned around slowly, her eyes clear as she put her paw up against the opaque barrier between us in my mind. I had dropped it momentarily when we’d fought the rogue, but it was still there. She was telling me it still held, it was still strong.
I was in control whether she liked it or not.
Okay, let’s try it then. I’ve really got nothing to lose.
I shimmied out of my clothes quickly and lay down on the grass, pushing Rourke and the kiss from my mind. It took gargantuan effort. All my body really wanted to do was run back to him.
I closed my eyes and focused on my wolf, which wasn’t hard because she had situated herself front and center, waiting for me to get with the program. Okay, this is all you. I’m trusting you to know what to do. She growled, urging me along. Fine, fine, I’m going.