I didn’t know what to tell them. Hell, I didn’t know whether I should tell them at all, they would only worry and make unnecessary plans. There was nothing they could do. Something was coming for me. Maybe I would fall ill and would pass away slowly like Noah’s Madeline.
Jack’s voice was a distant echo, “Ava? Ava, tell me what happened, sweetie.” His hands were on my shoulders and I felt Hawthorne’s nose nudging against my ear, his warm breath washing over me. Too close. Everyone was too close. I felt as though I might spontaneously combust at any moment. The walls were closing in and I was drowning in deep, dark ice.
“No.” I managed to mutter.
Jack fell silent as I seemed to be talking now. What was I saying? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t even remember controlling my mouth. Did that really come from me?
“No, what?” Jack asked, “What is it?”
“Don’t.” My voice cracked with effort and a fresh wave of sobs rolled forwards. I was not in control.
“Don’t what?” Jack seemed to be getting angry at my unhelpfulness.
“Jack, stop shaking her!” Camryn’s voice cracked like a whip.
Was he shaking me? I couldn’t even feel it. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die.
“I don’t want to die.” I gasped, my arms clutching at my waist.
“You’re not going to die.” Jack said irritably.
“Something must have happened.” Camryn mused.
“You don’t say.” Jack hissed.
“No, no, no.” The words came from my mouth, but I had no control over what I was saying.
“She has gone into shock.” Jack said, “Camryn, hand me that rug.”
Bustling could be heard, and then a sudden weight was put across my shoulders. I was so cold. The rug did nothing.
Hawthorne was whining loudly next to me, the sound reverberating through my skull. Suddenly everything was much too loud. Too close, too loud. I needed space. I needed air. Space. Air. I could hear Jack and Camryn arguing, but it was so loud I couldn’t make out the words. All the sounds around me became one and I could not distinguish one noise from the other. Far too loud. Cramped, cold, loud. Cramped, cold, loud.
“I need space!” I found myself shouting. I need space, I need space, I need space. Again and Again. Before I was aware of it, my fists and feet were jerking out, making contact with everything around me. I kicked and punched my way free of the deep, dark ice. Space, I needed space.
“Avalon!” Jack’s voice rose above the deafening noise that was everywhere.
I was scarcely aware of the cries of pain that came from both Mage and animal. I was flailing, trying to break free. I didn’t know what was going on. I was most definitely beyond going into shock. This was something different. This was panic, fear. All self control seemed to be lost and over come with terror. I wondered if other people had behaved so cowardly when they discovered that they would die. I was a coward. I didn’t want to die. Would my demise be so anti-climatic that no one bothered to remember me? I’d always hoped I would either die old, surrounded by the people I loved, or doing something heroic to save another. That would be a good way to die.
“Avalon!” Jack’s voice reverberated through my skull again. I felt several pairs of hands upon me, holding me down. Didn’t they understand I needed space? I was drowning.
One thing I was certain of was that I would not die from illness. Becoming unwell was rarely fatal to a Mage, as a Healer would often be close by. The rare exception of course was Noah’s Madeline. Besides, Jack loved me and would not allow me to become ill.
Then what would it be? I couldn’t think about it anymore. But how could I not? How can anyone forget something so scarring? I would be thinking about my own death until it finally caught up with me. Was that really any way to live out my remaining days; obsessing over my demise?
“For the love of god, Avalon, calm down!” Someone had restrained me for I could not raise my arms any longer and a great pressure was on my body. It was several seconds before I realised I was on the stable floor, and the world was looming above me. Jack. Jack was looming above me too. More seconds passed and I realised that he was sitting on my chest, pinning my arms to my side with his thighs. Camryn was holding down my legs with great effort. My vision seemed to clear and I was seeing red no longer. My chest was heaving up and down, and tears streaked my face. Finally I regained control of my body and went relaxed. I simply lay there sobbing and shaking.
“I think she’s calming down.” Camryn panted, removing herself from my legs.
Jack however did not move and simply watched me sob beneath him, making sure I would not lash out. Through my tear clogged lashes I saw a smear of blood from Jack’s nose. No doubt I had caused that. But of course I could throw as many punches as I liked at Jack and it would leave no lasting damage. That isn’t to say it wouldn’t be painful for him.