“We began courting after a few weeks of knowing each other, and it was a year before we were engaged.” He laughed humourlessly, “If I had known … I would have tied the knot a lot sooner so I could have called her my wife. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the woman dearly, but I thought we had all the time in the world, and that there was no need to rush. She often pestered me into setting a date. I wish I had.
“At twenty I set the date for our wedding. She was thrilled. We were to be wed in just a few months time. But of course, fate intercepted. Madeline grew fragile, and ill. She wasted away to nothing in a matter of weeks. She died very quickly, and I regret to say that it was a painful death. No one could figure out what was killing her. No one knew how to help, not even Jack Greenwood, the local healer, a man who could cure anything.”
“Jack?” I said shocked, “But this was eight years ago, he would have been a child-”
“Pardon me, Jack Greenwood senior. You’re friend’s father. Mister Greenwood Senior did everything he could. He had never failed before. In the end it drove him mad and he disappeared.”
“Poor Jack.” I whispered. My first and best friend had a secret that he hadn’t even shared with me. Of course Camryn would know. Hadn’t Jack said that they had known each other since they were children? I felt sad that I had never bothered to ask about his family. I thought of his usual happy, smiling face and tried to remember if his eyes ever gave away the fact that he was unhappy. I couldn’t recall. I had always been so absorbed in my own misery.
“So Madeline died, and I was left alone in this world. Miss Redding, do you ever wonder what it is I am doing during those endless hours in my study? Do you ever wonder why I often leave home and travel the world?”
“I did wonder, sir, but I thought it was not my place to ask.” I admitted.
“I’ve been looking for an explanation. I’ve been researching history, looking for other cases like Madeline’s. I’ve been studying medicine to discover a cure. But of course we rely on Healer’s far too much these days, and it does not occur to society that we may encounter something that even they cannot fix.”
I understood now the excessive researching, the endless studying that Noah did. I even understood why he had requested my presence during this time. I was a reminder to him, a reminder of why he was scouring the earth looking for an answer. I held the face of his dead fiancée, and he needed my face to ensure that his heart kept aching, and his mind kept reeling for answers. It hurt to know the truth, but could I blame him for using me? Could I blame him for making me think that I was something special? I was nothing.
“I’m sorry that I used you and hurt you.” Noah said quietly, looking up at me and piercing me with his beautiful eyes.
“But not sorry that you did it.” I whispered. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I tried my hardest not to.
“No. I would do it again if it led me to an answer.”
“Yet it didn’t.”
“No.”
A gaping hole seemed to have formed in my heart, pulsating and beating out my vital fluids for everyone to see. My legs shook and I felt weak, but I stood there quietly, waiting.
“You are very different from Madeline though,” Noah continued, breaking his gaze, “She was lively, happy, outspoken and always had this look in her eyes like she knew more than she was letting on; a private joke that she was always smiling at.
“You, however … You are quiet, nervous, shy, and the look behind your eyes suggests an internal torture. You always look worn-out and beat down. In this respect you only remind me of Madeline towards the end of her life, when she was giving up hope for herself.”
My face rippled into a look of sorrow. I felt pity for myself now, because I knew he was right. What would a man like this want from someone like me? I was boring compared to his Madeline. An echo.
“Stop it.” I whispered. I didn’t want to hear any more.
Noah stood from the bed and paced himself towards me so we were a mere foot apart. He barely staggered now. He was beginning to sober up, I assumed, though his eyes were still very red and unfocussed.
“Someone so pretty and pure shouldn’t have so much on their conscience.” Noah said softly. Something glinted in his eyes, but it was gone a moment later.
He placed a hand on my burning cheek and looked down at me, though I avoided his eyes. I took a step back from him, but he just took another step closer for every one I took to get away. I found myself bumping against his work desk, which, as usual was littered with rolls upon rolls of parchment.
“Please don’t be angry with me, Avalon. It’s been eight years since I held my Madeline.” He murmured, studying my face.