Freak of Nature

chapter Fourteen



Lucas sat at his desk, tapping his foot. He was the only one left in the lab; everyone else had gone home. There was a reason for that, beyond his usual overworked, overachieving ways: He was dying to see Kaitlyn—alone.

He wanted to make sure, to see for himself that the upgrade worked, even though the confirmation would tear him apart.

What he needed was a legitimate excuse to go back to her room. He looked around the office and grabbed a folder off the desk. It would have to do. He’d make something up if he was stopped, not that they would, the guards usually left him alone. With Harrington back, however, he’d rather play it safe.

He hurried out the door and down the long hallway.

He was anxious to see Kaitlyn, but there was a twinge of fear in his chest. He didn’t know if he could handle the probability of a completely blank stare. Seeing her look at him like that would be like a bullet through his heart. Self-inflicted. Would she remember what had happened between them last night? The coding should not have erased the memory, but she could be confused by it, or just write it off as insignificant. He wasn’t sure how her brain would access the information.

She hadn’t acknowledged him all day, not that she’d really had the opportunity. If she was still in there she would have found a way to let him know. A glance, anything, but she had been robotic all day.

As he turned down the J-shaped hallway that led into the dormitories, his step faltered. A janitor stood in the middle of the walkway, pushing a broom. The older gentleman glanced up and acknowledged Lucas with a tip of his hat.

“Evening,” Lucas responded, sidestepping around the man and clutching his folder. Nothing more was said, and Lucas left the janitor behind, the sound of the steady swish of the broom fading the further he walked. When he finally stood in front of her door, he closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath.

Before he had a chance to knock, her voice filtered through the door. “Come in, Lucas.”

Of course she knew he was coming. She most likely knew before he made it down the second hallway. It was one of the things she was programmed to do. She could detect motion and potential threats. Her mind filtered sounds at an unprecedented rate, and her body was always on alert.

They key scraped the lock and Lucas pushed open the door. His body was tensed.

Kaitlyn was sitting on the edge of her bed with her feet planted on the floor, staring straight ahead. The TV was on and she was watching a National Geographic documentary turned down low. She reached for the remote and clicked it off. Lucas rubbed his arms as goose pimples formed on his skin; the room was cold—colder than would be bearable for a normal human, though Kaitlyn’s thin cotton dress showed she was unbothered by it.

“Kaitlyn, would you come with me for a walk? I’d like to ask you some questions.” He opened the folder to punctuate his statement, but closed it quickly when he realized there was nothing in it. Smooth.

“Okay.” Kaitlyn stood up and smoothed her dress down before slipping into her shoes.

Lucas fought the urge to tell her to grab a jacket, that it was cold outside. It stung him that he so often gave her human characteristics; he wanted her to be fully human. To react to the weather. He had never seen her shiver.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he held the door open. She slid past him, causing him to inhale sharply as her skin touched his. Even though he knew she could no longer feel for him, she still tied him up in knots. He would probably never get over her. And he had done it to himself. That was the worst part.

This was not going to be easy.

Kaitlyn inclined her head. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

Lucas was at a loss for words as they made their way outside. The sun was dipping below the horizon, low enough that the sidewalk lights had already flickered on. The fragrant smell of a burning fireplace filled the chilled evening air. He glanced sidelong at her, hoping for a response to the cold, but she just fell into step beside him, her arms hanging loosely at her sides.

“Do you like the new upgrades?” Lucas tilted his head to the left to see her clearly.

“They are interesting. The slang chip and the facial recognition will be very useful. Humans express so much with their faces,” Kaitlyn responded stoically looking up at him briefly. “Sixty to seventy percent of meaning is derived from nonverbal behavior in communication. I think I’ll understand people better now.” Her gaze carefully scanned the perimeter.

Lucas knew she was looking for threats. As she was programmed. He flinched at the reference to ‘humans.’

“Like now,” she spoke up again, her grey eyes moving to settle on his face. “You flinched. I know it bothers you when I say humans. I wouldn’t have picked that up before.”

“We should have thought of adding the program sooner.”

“I agree. I didn’t realize so many words had double meanings.”


They drew near to Kaitlyn’s favorite tree. He wondered if she would notice the sturdy birch today. The new chip should have removed that preference from her mind.

Lucas realized he had a lot in common with the tree. Kate shouldn’t be attracted to him and yet she had been.

She didn’t say anything as they passed the large tree.

A wave of sadness washed over him; the old Kaitlyn was gone.

“Can we go that way?” She pointed off to the right where a slant-roofed gardner’s shed sat illuminated by a security light.

“Of course.” Lucas was puzzled that she would want to change direction. Maybe her sensors had picked up on something in that area.

Once they reached a large oak tree, Kaitlyn sat down and shifted to the side to make room for him.

After a slight hesitation, Lucas sank down to the ground beside her. He braced himself for the cold, distant Kaitlyn. Her knee brushed his and sent a jolt through him. He longed to touch her, to lean over and capture her lips again and feel her warmth, but he kept his hands by his side. He would have to live with his decision. His unhappiness for the sake of the project. Dear God, what had he become?

“What did you want to ask me?” Kaitlyn asked, her palms resting lightly on her thighs. In the twilight, her legs looked long and pale.

Lucas flushed. “Oh. Umm, I just kinda made that up. I wanted to see you.”

“I was hoping you would come by.”

“You were?” he said, surprised. He hadn’t been expecting that at all.

She nodded and cast her grey eyes upward to meet his. The moment their gazes met, he felt like he was falling.

He couldn’t stop himself; it was as if she was pulling him towards her, drawing him in. Next thing he knew, his lips were crashing down on hers, and her arms were behind his head, pulling him closer. His eyes widened in surprise, and he dropped the folder. She was soft and pliant beneath his hands, her mouth moving against his, timid, and then needy.

She’s still in there—but that’s impossible.

All thought left his mind, and he closed his eyes, allowing his body to relax into hers. Nothing had ever felt so right in his life even though he knew it was so wrong.

He broke away gasping. This wasn’t possible. She shouldn’t be acting like this. He had fixed the coding personally. “Kate…”

“Why did you stop?” she gasped, curling her fingers into his shirt as if going to pull him back.

Lucas dropped his hands from her shoulders and tried to gather his thoughts. “What do you feel for me?”

“I-I don’t know. I like the way you make me feel when you kiss me. Everything fades away, and it’s just us. My mind calms.”

“Is that the same way you felt yesterday?”

“Yes. Why are you asking these questions? Do you not want to kiss me?”

“What?” Lucas couldn’t help the laugh that burst from him. He traced a palm down her cheek. “No, it’s not that. I want to kiss you more than I’ve ever wanted anything before in my life. It just doesn’t make sense. You shouldn’t have emotions towards me. You shouldn’t have emotions at all. You weren’t programmed that way.”

As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back.

Her face went still, as if a mask had dropped down. “You’re right. I wasn’t programmed that way.”

“Kate, please…” he said, “you don’t understand. Yesterday, I found out there was an error in your coding that would leave you vulnerable to forming attachments. Forming attachments like…but I fixed it. So this can’t be. It shouldn’t be possible.”

He knew her mind was whirring, processing the information. There was a certain look to her eyes when it happened. Maybe nobody but Lucas could tell, and only because he had studied her for so long—and not just as a robot.

“You fixed me?” she asked coldly.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I meant I fixed the coding. If you still feel this way, it’s amazing. It’s astounding….” He shoved a hand through his hair, trying to pick his words. “It shouldn’t be, but it is. There’s more to it than coding, here.”

“So when you ‘fixed’ me,” Kaitlyn said, as if he hadn’t spoken, “I was no longer supposed to be attracted to you?”

Lucas paused to take a deep breath. “That’s what I expected, yeah.”

“And you did it anyway?” Her grey eyes flashed with anger and her jaw tightened.

Oh shit, she’s pissed. He scrambled to think of the words to right the situation. “You don’t understand. I did it for you.”

Her voice raised. “For me?”

“Yes, it could be a liability when you leave here. I couldn’t stand the risk of you getting hurt.”

“So you wanted to take away what little feelings I had left? What little there was of my humanity?”

Lucas looked down at the ground, shame settling over him.

“Well I’m sorry to inform you, but it didn’t work.” She moved to stand up, and Lucas grabbed her arm.

“Kate, please just hear me out. You’re leaving in a couple of days. I don’t know if we will see each other again. Do you really want to waste what little time we have left together arguing? I’m begging you. Please, I was an idiot, but I really thought I was doing what was best for you.””

She pulled her hand away and stared at him. Several emotions flashed across her face. Lucas saw the moment logic took over her thought processes, and her grey eyes softened. He was thankful she was able to see the situation objectively. Even though she was clearly upset only a moment ago. If she never talked to him again he would never forgive himself.

One dainty, long-fingered hand flitted to rest on his arm. Lucas stood up to tentatively pulled her towards him. When she didn’t resist his shoulders relaxed.

“As much as I hate to admit it, I can comprehend why you would think it was a good idea. But you should have asked me first. I deserve a choice. You took that away from me. You can’t imagine what it’s like having others make ever decision for you.”

“You’re right. I should have talked it over with you. I’m sorry. I really am.”

“So, I shouldn’t have feelings for you, but I do. What does that mean?” Kaitlyn pulled back to look up at him.

His lip twitched. “That I’m irresistible?” He looked away, bashful. That was so lame.

“It does seem that way, doesn’t it?” She looked pensive. “I guess I don’t understand why they don’t want me to have feelings or emotions. There are soldiers everyday that do their jobs well, and they have families and people they care about.”

“You’re not supposed to be any old soldier, though,” Lucas said. “You are supposed to surpass the best soldier. And emotions get in the way.” Lucas touched her cheek; her skin was warm.

There was a long silence before she spoke again. “Are you going to tell Professor Adams?”

Lucas stuck his hands deep in his pockets and looked off in the distance at the towering trees. The sun was gone completely; night had fallen. He knew he should tell the professor. “Not unless you want me to. As far as I’m concerned, the coding is correct. I did my part, and you have done a convincing job of fooling everyone.”

“I don’t want you to tell them.” She held out her pinky.

“You learned that from Quess?” He laughed.

She nodded and waited. Lucas held out his own hand, so much larger than hers. They hooked pinky fingers, and shook.