Crossing the room with Zoe on her left and Nicole on her right, Allie was conscious of other Night School students watching them and she raised her chin and lengthened her stride – hoping she looked confident. Fearless.
‘Just ignore everyone else,’ Eloise said when they arrived. ‘We’re having our own exercise party.’
So, as the other students practised dangerous-looking martial arts moves, throwing each other to the floor in complex ways and fighting over fake weapons, the three girls were an oasis of calm, warming up with a series of yoga stretches. Gentle as they were, every single one hurt Allie in some way – as if they sought out each injury and poked it hard. But she kept that to herself, biting her lip when she wanted to cry out.
At some point, though, Eloise must have seen the pain in her face, because she whispered, too quietly for the other girls to hear: ‘This will get better. One day you’ll notice it hurts less. And then it will hardly hurt at all. I promise.’
Relieved somebody had seen through her, Allie nodded fiercely. She needed to believe those words. She had to get strong again.
Strong enough to fight.
When training ended, Allie was exhausted. She’d sweated more than she ever thought possible and her muscles felt so worn she wobbled when she walked.
She took a long shower to give herself time to recover. By the time she’d dressed, the other girls had gone and she was alone in the changing room.
The big room felt different when it was empty – sounds were hollow, and shadows seemed to move for no good reason. She threw on her clothes and hurried out – to find Sylvain leaning against the wall in the corridor.
At the sight of him, tall and lean, his blue eyes watching her cautiously, her heart sped up.
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘What’s up?’
‘Nothing.’ But he said it with such elaborate insouciance she knew he was faking it. ‘I just thought I’d walk up with you.’
‘Cool,’ she said, faking it, too.
Their footsteps were nearly silent on the linoleum floor and they were halfway down the long corridor before Sylvain spoke.
‘There was something I wanted to say earlier and I didn’t have time.’
‘OK…’
‘I wish…’ When he hesitated, she glanced up at him curiously – it wasn’t like Sylvain to be unsure of himself. ‘I wish you had come to me instead of… when you ran away.’
Too tired to dodge the subject, Allie sighed. It was all anyone wanted to talk about anyway.
‘I guess I should have. But I thought I had to do it on my own. I wanted to make something happen.’ They’d reached the foot of the staircase and she turned to look up at him. ‘Can you understand that? Does it sound crazy?’
‘I can understand why you felt that way.’ He was choosing his words carefully. ‘But I think you should have thought it through. You could have come to me. I would have told you the truth.’
‘Would you?’ she asked with a touch of bitterness. ‘Or would you have gone to Isabelle and told her what I was planning? To protect me.’
‘Have I ever done anything like that?’ He held her gaze and Allie realised that he hadn’t. Not once.
‘No,’ she said slowly. ‘I guess not.’
His eyes still held hers, as if he was waiting for her to understand something – to figure something out. Or as if he had more to say.
They were on the stairs now and as Allie reached for the banister her hand brushed his accidentally. She felt that touch like a shock, and jerked her hand away.
‘Sorry,’ she said, as heat rushed to her face.
‘For what? For touching me? It’s allowed, you know…’
His voice was gentle, teasing, but Allie wasn’t ready for this. She hurried up the stairs.
‘What is it, Allie?’ They’d reached the ground floor now, and his voice echoed in the grand hallway. ‘We’ve touched more than hands, you know.’
Instantly his words summoned images of that night. Snow falling. His lips warm against hers. Her fingers tangled in his hair.
She shook her head as if that could clear it all away.
‘We can’t,’ she said. ‘I can’t.’
‘Why not?’ The vulnerability in his expression as he looked at her then made her heart flip. ‘You know I like you. And I thought you liked me. But suddenly it’s over and you won’t even talk to me.’ When she didn’t speak he took a step closer. ‘You can’t lock yourself away for ever because of what happened, Allie. You have to keep living.’
‘Gabe already tried to kill you once because of me, Sylvain,’ she said. ‘That’s enough. No more. No one else dies because of me.’
He looked stunned. ‘Is that what this is all about? You’re trying to protect me from Gabe and Nathaniel?’ He held up his hands, trying to make her look at him. ‘Allie, I am not Jo.’