Fish Out of Water

chapter Fifteen

Sighs and Songs


Carragheen’s Pool

Mom, Carragheen and I formed a group.

Mom was utterly focused on the search, so I didn’t even contemplate discussing Kraken with her, even though there was now more to discuss. I mean, bad enough that Mom never told me she used to have a hot and heavy affair with the High Priest of Aegira. Then there was the nuts stuff he’d been spouting back at the meeting.

And the new information from Zorax.

Had Kraken always been a little psycho? Is that why she ended it? Or maybe he ended it ’cause she wasn’t nuts enough for him? And what the hell was the Queen going to do about him? I mean, it was pretty clear (to me at least) what he’d meant back there at the meeting. Whether he was responsible for Imogen’s disappearance or not, he obviously had some whole other evil agenda going on. An Armageddon for the land-dwellers.

Someone needed to rein the nutjob in, and, after what Carragheen told me about poor Leisen, I’d happily be just the someone to do it.

But I needed to know what Mom knew first.

Our group was allocated the southern quadrant of the city. We were to search it in rata, ever-widening swimming circles used for foraging and ceremonial parades. I didn’t tell anyone at the meeting about the cave. But I knew exactly where I was going, as soon as I could shake the others. I wasn’t having any hangers-on this time. Our small party split up, and I used the opportunity to disappear, kicking back the way we came and heading for the cave. But before I even begin to lengthen my strokes, Carragheen was at my side.

I know where you’re going. He was swimming with my rhythm. Let me help.

Yeah, you were so useful last time. I spat the words into his brain like barbs.

Something about the look on his face made me wonder. Had he seen something? Something new? Something I should know about? With that other kind of sight that I now knew he had. I needed to know, even more than I needed to hurt him. Do you think she’s alive?

He didn’t skip a beat. I don’t think it, I know it.

Don’t offer me empty comforts, Carragheen.

Rania, I am not. I know she is alive. I can feel it.

I suddenly realized from the serious expression on his face that Carragheen was talking about that whole other kind of knowing. And I seized his hand. You have seen her? In visions?

No, not quite. No. But sometimes I… feel things. Sense them. Since the visions started. It’s like they, the visions, have… turned me on somehow.

I thought again about Mom’s words. Evolution. Another awakening.

He stopped and turned to me. This has happened to you too?

I nodded, and he asked the next logical question. So, have you felt her out there too?

I felt myself flush. No.

The flush spread. Why would Carragheen have knowledge of Lecanora, my Lecanora, and not me? I thought about Mom, how I had last seen her, moments ago. I wondered if how I felt about the Princess was the problem. I knew when I worried about Mom I could hardly see straight. I certainly can’t be logical, or careful. I wondered if this was the same.

Carragheen read my thoughts. I wonder if we should try together.

I still wanted to kick him, still didn’t know if I could trust him, but I wasn’t exactly knee-deep in other people having visions right now and the idea made sense. I remembered that my mother was able to protect me with her song, when she was so afraid for me, and so focused.

Maybe together, with this thing we both had, Carragheen and I could locate Lecanora.

I nodded, and Carragheen led me down and over to a resting place between some homes. He sat close to me, and I was reminded momentarily of the action on the sofa the night before. But this time the vibe was very different. I got down to business. How do we do this?

I have no idea. But he smiled at me encouragingly and picked up my hands. Think about her, think on her. But not about this, your fears for her. Just... the fact of her. Do you think you can do that?

I nodded meekly, taking his hands in mine. He squeezed them, and I tried.

It was strange, but it was like I could feel Carragheen’s very mind inside mine as I looked for her. Like his mind was watching mine, joined to me somehow. Suddenly he tensed.

“I’m feeling her,” he said.

I tried not to feel like I was in an episode of Ghost Whisperer.

I concentrated harder, freeing my mind of all that was not Lecanora. Focusing on the energy of the man beside me. Feeling like a kick to my stomach his strength and the power of his mind. And imagining Lecanora’s mind too, out there somewhere, waiting to be found.

Like a lightning bolt inside my head, it happened. I felt her too.

“I have her,” I breathed.

Oh sweet mother of us all, I did have her, and she was crying.

She was crying out for me.

But not with her voice. No. She was crying out in some private place in her brain. Or maybe not crying. She was… what was she doing? Oh no. She was hoping. Hoping I would come for her. And she was not alone. She was with Imogen.

Lecanora was trying to tell me something, but her brain was weak and feverish. I could see muddy pictures. She was looking for something when she was taken. Ah, I saw it now. She was searching for some lighsa weed, on the south-western ridges, to take to her mother. To aid her journey back to strength, and vigor.

I concentrated harder, trying to look right into the deepest places of her brain.

Singing. She was talking about singing. She was telling me that I must sing, that somehow this was the answer. I must sing to find her, and sing to save them both. What could she mean?

I felt Carragheen stiffen beside me.

“Oh no,” he groaned. “It’s her. Lecanora’s the second one. This is what I saw. Exactly as I saw it. I had it the wrong way around. Imogen was the first. Lecanora is the second.”

I saw the truth of what he was saying.

But while I felt our minds straining and pawing at the edges of the vision, neither of us could pull back the veil sufficiently to see where they were being kept.

And then it was gone.

It took us a few minutes to center ourselves back in the moment once the feeling dissipated. Once we did, we were both as one mind.

“I have to go back,” I said. And Carragheen nodded.

“Yes,” he agreed. “To the cave. I don’t know if that’s where they are being kept. Imogen, and now Lecanora. But it’s really the only lead we’ve got.”

“No,” I said. “You’re not coming.”

He looked dark and closed as he whispered into my mind. Oh yes I am.

I was blunt. “No. Because I’m grateful for what you just did—”

More than that. Impressed as hell. Blown away. Suddenly not alone.

“But I don’t trust you. And I don’t want you there.”

I watched him watching me. Then I felt him, inside my mind, feeling around.

You’re lying, he said. On both counts.

As he stood to push off, I knew he was right. But I wasn’t going to tell him so.

He shot me one last look, then Mom was suddenly with us. How is it mothers always have a spidey sense for when you’re going to do something they’d rather you didn’t?

Do they implant you with radar at birth?

I was about to spin some line when I looked over at Mom and realized she was bringing news. “What is it? Lecanora?”

I could tell she had something she wanted to say to us. She was shifting uncomfortably in the water. Unusual for her, usually so graceful and light. I went to her, and touched her face.

“Rania, there’s something I think you both should know. About Kraken.”

I could see the torment in her eyes, and I knew she was thinking now was the moment to unburden herself about her affair with the High Priest. I wanted to meet her where she was, wherever it was, but I just couldn’t allow it. We’d taken too much time already. We needed to go. “Mom, it’s okay. Whatever happened, we’ll talk about it later.”

I saw Mom’s eyes widen as she registered that I was following her drift.

“No, you don’t understand. There are things that may be important.”

I caught Mom’s shoulders. “Unless you’re sure that they are important right now, unless you are sure that we must hear them now, I think we should go. We have delayed enough.”

Mom nodded, and touched my hair. “Later, then. Find her, Rania, but please, by the Goddess Mother, take care of yourself as you do. I couldn’t bear to lose you too.”

Before I had time to take in what Mom was saying, there was another interruption. The Gai-ga-lan again, Meegost.

“What is it, friend?” I felt my voice shake as I asked him.

“I have news of the Queen. She has decided to address the nation. In the Eye of the Goddess, and by tele-pad throughout the city. Very soon. She wants everyone there.”

“Do we know what she plans to say?” Mom frowned as she questioned him.

He shook his head. “She has not said, no.”

As he went, Mom answered the question in our minds.

“I think she will tell them about Imogen, and what was done. And about Lecanora.”

Oh jeez. I felt my heart deflate. The Aegiran equivalent of a prime time TV appeal from the family. Great. Now we’d have every fish with half a clue on the case, messing around with any real clues. “Oh no,” I groaned.

“I don’t know, Rania,” Mom sighed. “I think the Queen might be doing this to make peace. With her community and her ancestors. I think she feels a great responsibility for what has been done, like she cannot make right with her people, and get her daughter back, until she fixes this. And I think she’s right.”

Trust the old mothers to stick together. Okay, time to split, regardless of what Imd was doing. I needed to find Lecanora.

“Well, I’m not going,” I insisted.

I made ready to head for the cave. Carragheen was with me and this time I didn’t even think about protesting. Even Mom wasn’t telling me to stay. In fact, no-one was arguing with me, even though I could tell that they were horrified that I was ignoring the Queen’s command.

Within moments, Carragheen and I were skimming through the water, picking up speed, humming ourselves longer and faster. We had no idea what awaited us at the dark cave, but I could sense that both of us just wanted to get there, to find out, and (hopefully) to get this done.

Okay, so, great.

We were going out to face who-knows-what, possibly some evil that the monster Kraken has unleashed, and we had some maybe-defense of our own, in the form of some pretty pissweak song thing that might or might not work if we hit the right notes.

Ran be with us. ’Cause nobody else is tonight.

The city was sparkling and peaceful below us. Impossible to believe that dark things had been nesting here, twisting the minds of peaceful people. As we swam, we heard the heralds’ calls, warning everyone that the Queen was about to deliver a message of supreme importance, and that all must immediately stop what they are doing, and come to the Eye of the Goddess.

We reached the outer edge of the city, where the darkness lay, and I felt the now familiar clammy fist grab my stomach and squeeze. Carragheen sensed the moment’s hesitation in me. He stopped, treading water beside me, and turned me to him. He asked the question into my mind. Are you sure you must come? I can do this. You have done enough. The purple-blue of his irises was even darker than usual, and his pupils were huge inside them.

I nodded and something made me take his hand as we continued, swimming through the ever darker water, until we could see the outline of the cave in the distance. At the sight, the blood inside my veins seemed to freeze, and my heart-rate galloped upwards inside my chest.

I thought about my conversation with Dad, his words about courage. And Ran’s words about how the land-men would help. She’d made it sound like it was gonna be a long campaign.

I shook my head. For now, I needed to concentrate my energy on finding Lecanora. I knew with a powerful certainty that they were there. In the cave. My whole being filled up with the knowledge. Imogen. My beloved Lecanora. Waiting there, hoping. Waiting for us to come. My rib-cage stretched painfully with the hammering of my heart as I waited every second for the crippling pain to strike us down. I could almost feel the sting and crush of it, the absolute obliteration of my senses. As we moved closer, I knew it must happen soon. This was the moment last time, the moment they used the weapon, whatever it is.

I heard Carragheen talking into my mind.

Let it go, Rania. Don’t let the fear control you. We need to get there.

So I did. I focused on the dark water in front of me, on humming and swimming faster and faster, on Carragheen’s hand in mine, sure and true, pulling me forward, knowing this was what I wanted, even as his heart dreaded the outcome.

It felt like seconds passed and then we were there.

Now that we were this close, I could see from the outside that it was some kind of large, weed-covered hillock. More sand than rock. It was almost perfectly round, with a conical part on top. I tilted my head, trying to understand what it was.

Carragheen, again, answered me without me asking the question.

No-one knows. It’s called the Cave of Sighs in the ancient songs. They think it may have been a place of the old dolphin sorcerers. It has perfect acoustics, so there’s speculation that it may have been a place of worship. He looked at me seriously. Or of burial.

I raised an eyebrow at him. Great, lovely. Yeah, right. Let’s go ferreting around for kidnapped girls in some ancient, secret grave. This was exactly the right way not to make me feel better about this whole creepy expedition.

I steeled myself. Let’s go.

The mouth of the cave was wide, but immediately inside it curved suddenly inward, creating a narrow tunnel. The tunnel was dark and twisting with a sandy floor, and the temperature was even cooler than the water outside. Because of the twists and turns, it was impossible to see how far the tunnel went, or where it led.

Carragheen took my hand again. Onward.

We swam slowly, feeling our way, the knowledge that the girls were here intensifying with each passing yard. I started to be able to see Lecanora in my mind, as well as feel her.

She was calling to me. Come, Ransha. But be careful, please be careful.

I felt like exploding, like screaming out: I’m coming, I’m coming.

But I didn’t get it. They found us, every other time. What was stopping them now?

A thought occurred to me, and I stopped suddenly just before we reached the tunnel’s end. Were they in there? Waiting to ambush us? And what could we do about it if they were? Nothing, because we had to press ahead. I really hated no-win situations.

Then another possibility dawned. Could the baddies be back in the city, listening to the Queen’s speech? If it was one of The Triad, they would have to be. Perhaps they assumed all the searchers would be there too, including us. Perhaps they assumed that we could never be so heretical as to disobey Imd’s command.

Man, they don’t know me at all.

I’d incur the wrath of Aegir himself to find Lecanora.

Could this be what the Queen had intended, in calling the nation together? Was she deliberately trying to throw the baddies off the scent? Buy us some time? I thought about Mom’s face as she had considered the news of the Queen’s address. A moment of confusion, then calm agreement. And yet she was frantic for Lecanora.

Why would she have endorsed the Queen’s speech, this time-wasting?

Because she knew I’d ignore it, but that whoever had the girls would not.

The tunnel ended, and then we were in a small clearing within the cave. And there they were. Propped against the back of the cave, huddled together, two shapes, naked and alone. I saw immediately that their arms and legs were bound with vine, but not their mouths. They looked over at us but didn’t call out. I remembered the vision, and wondered if it was true. Wondered if their voices were completely gone, stolen somehow. The thought made bile rise in my throat, and my head spin. Imogen looked weak. She was lying down, and very pale. Lecanora looked furious, the steely spirit I knew so well flashing from her blue-gray eyes.

But she said nothing.

As I sped over to where they lay, a question buzzed in my brain. Why hadn’t I been able to reach her, telepathically? Why hadn’t anyone been able to reach either of them? They were here, after all. They were alive. Their voices may have been muted, but surely nothing had been done to their minds. Please Ran, mother of us all, please not that. I’d been trying to reach her, the whole time we’d been swimming, even in the tunnel. Why couldn’t she hear me?

Only now, as I saw her and moved towards her, did a thought break through from her.

What took you so long?

Relief gushed through me like adrenalin. Her beautiful mind was still intact.

Oh, you know, I responded. This and that.

Suddenly I was aware that Imogen was talking too.

Rania, you came. Lecanora kept saying that you would. Thank you. But we must leave immediately. One of them is never too far away.

They? I couldn’t help myself. I knew we should make haste, move off, but it was the question that had been burning at the back of my consciousness for days.

Lecanora answered me. One of them is in The Triad. I saw the ring.

I felt, rather than saw, Carragheen slump inside himself beside me. I looked into his mind and before he could cover it up, I saw that some tiny, desperate part of him had been hoping it wasn’t his father. Even after all he knew of him, all he knew him capable of, he had hoped that this was not something his father could do. Even as all the evidence mounted, and began to point to him, Carragheen had hoped for an eleventh hour reprieve for the father who had bullied and failed him his whole life. But now he believed that it was not to be.

I took a moment. I am so sorry, Carragheen. But we don’t know yet, not for sure.

He looked bleak.

Remember, you are not him, I said privately into his mind. As I said it to him, I remembered him saying it to me. I am not my father. And as I said it to him, back to him, like some demented parrot, I knew suddenly and very clearly that it was true. I wanted to show him, to make him see that I really meant it. What you are doing here is right. You have always done the right thing. Leisen, now this. Everything will be all right.

Carragheen straightened almost immediately, and occupied himself with action, working quickly on the girls’ bonds with a knife he produced from a belt around his waist. Lecanora began to stretch her body, swimming in small circles and ensuring she was ready for movement. Imogen, on the other hand, could barely move. She was not emaciated, so she had been fed, but her prone position had caused her muscles to atrophy.

She would not be able to swim alone.

Carragheen took charge, using the vines to bind her again, this time to his broad, brown chest. I experienced a sudden, small moment of jealousy. The makeshift gurney looked so intimate, and he smiled at me, into my eyes. Let us go, he telepathed to us all.

We moved off through the cave, but before we got to the tunnel, Carragheen halted briefly, and talked into each of our minds.

I think I know why no-one could locate you telepathically while you were missing, and why we could not communicate with you until we were standing right in front of you. I’ve heard of this cave, in the legends. I think this place is a Hailnor, a place where no thoughts can penetrate. It’s part of what made it so secret. No-one inside it could be found with the mind. Something about the naturally occurring spherical shape. It will be hard for us to communicate once we are in the tunnel. But it will only take us a minute or two to pass through.

Huh, made sense. But please Ran, if they find us, please don’t let it be while we’re in the tunnel. Who knows what this creepy place might do to our ability to fight back? With that thought in mind, I moved like lightning through the twisted entryway, desperate to make the open space of the ocean floor before anyone could catch up to us.

I felt the erratic beat of our four hearts as we raced through the darkness.

We must get back, we must get back and tell Imd what happened here.

We were almost at the mouth of the cave. I could see the deeper, blue-blackness beyond its mouth, about to envelop us, when she appeared. I was in front, with Lecanora behind me, and Carragheen carrying Imogen at the rear. At first I didn’t recognize her, she looked so wild. She’d been swimming hard, her chest rising and falling rapidly. But she was smiling beatifically and her eyes had this strange look, far off yet focused. She looked like a passionate novice nun, supplicant and ecstatic. But then I saw the flash in her eyes as they met ours.

It was in the little spark of her that was angry that she was able to look a tiny amount like herself. It was Rila, the Queen’s handmaiden, and she was carrying something, a box? Maybe the size of a small dvd player. I remembered her as such a sweet thing, so kind and willing to help. It was impossible that she was part of some evil plan to hurt us.

But why had she waited? Why hadn’t she blasted us with whatever she had there?

Rila spoke, and it was clear then that she wanted us to understand.

“It’s not like you think,” she started, softly. “It’s not cruelty. It’s Aegira’s future. If only you had not been suspicious, this would have happened with no pain. We would never have killed them. My master wanted no death. But The Great One, he understood the need for sacrifice.”

I tried to affect an open expression, because I had only one thought in mind. Use her desire to explain. Move her. Move her out of the mouth of this cave, this mind and sound trap. “We must all make sacrifices to the greater good. The Princess understands this. And Imogen, with her angel’s voice, she must too. People with great gifts must help others.”

I was nodding at her, coming towards her like I understood. She was busy with her little speech, and so she wasn’t aware that I was shifting her ever so slightly further out of the cave. I was almost out now, and Lecanora was level with the cave’s mouth. Carragheen and Imogen were still a few body lengths behind.

“I know what you mean,” I said, trying to use this gentle, reassuring voice. “It’s hard when you’re different, when you have a dream. I get it Rila, ’cause I’m different too.”

As I talked I inched forward, trying to get us out of the cave. Because I knew at some point I was going to have to break it to this crazy bitch that I wasn’t leaving without these two women, and then she was gonna blast me with whatever hell she could unleash.

I needed to be able to fully link up mentally with Carragheen when that happened. I wasn’t sure we had any chance against this thing anyway, but I knew for sure our chances were shot if we were stuck in this alley that cut us off from each other’s thoughts.

Rila nodded enthusiastically, like she thought that maybe I was starting to get it. “You’re so right,” she whispered passionately. “So few people have a vision.”

Oh, baby. You have no idea, the list is growing by the day.

“And it makes you different. Sometimes you need to do things that don’t seem right…”

With that, she broke off and stared into the mid-distance, a moment of uncertainty. For the first time, she looked like the Rila I knew, sweet, seeking reassurance. Could I exploit it?

“Sometimes you can still do the right thing and pursue the greater good,” I said.

Lecanora and I were out of the cave now, and Carragheen was almost with us.

Suddenly, Rila snapped back from her ponderings. I was only a few yards from her when she made the switch. “Rania,” she commanded me, her voice changed, imperious. “Move away from the girls. Now. You know what this thing can do,” she said, holding the silver thing above her head.

That thing? Is that what they’d been blasting us with? Could that one, innocent-looking dvd-player-thing have caused all this? Then I remembered the vision, the thing being held to Imogen’s lips as she screamed, and then could scream no more.

Mother of us all, I thought, she’s gonna do it.

My mind raced for a clever solution, but couldn’t find one. I was going to have to try brute force. I was about to give Carragheen a signal, but he was already in my mind.

I don’t think we can, Rania, I think she’ll be quicker.

No choice, I responded. Now.

With that I launched myself at her, aiming to drive my thumb and forefinger against the fragile flesh and bone of her throat, disable her before she could get to work on us. My fingers were almost there, I could almost see how her eyes were going to look as I stabbed at her neck, and I was disgusted to realize I wanted to hurt her the way she’d hurt me.

But Carragheen was right, she was faster, and after she did it I realized why. Why they’ve always been faster. Because all she had to do was utter one single, perfect note, while she held that thing asunder. She was no Imogen, no Lecanora, in the singing stakes, but it had the desired effect. Whatever she did, however she did it, the weapon was activated.

We heard nothing, and I thought about what Rick had said: like a dog whistle.

All four of us were instantly hit, and we went down onto the sandy floor, onto our knees, a blinded, seething mess of pain and fear. The last lucid thought I had was:

How can something so deadly be so silent?

Before I succumbed to the sea of pain, I looked up at her, and could see the triumphant smile on her face. She knew she had us. She knew her plans were safe.

She was gloating. The little bitch was gloating as we writhed and died in front of her. Imogen. Lecanora. Carragheen. Me. And it was all the extra incentive I needed to summon the last atom of my strength and seek out Carragheen’s mind. I could hardly locate it among the smoke-blue fog of pain and struggle, but I did. One last silver thread that was still him, even amid the shock and bite of it.

I sent a tiny message into the part that was left. Help me, sing with me. I felt him pick up the thought and claw back through the deep mire of the thing that was attacking us, clamp down hard on the parts of my mind that he could find, and seek out his song. I did the same.

At first it was thready, I was fighting so hard against the agony of what she was doing to us. But then I looked at Rila again, saw her gloating triumph, and the rage took hold.

It made my song stronger, and my strength seemed to feed Carragheen, and his song swelled and nourished me. I had no idea what notes to utter, but then I looked over at Imogen and Lecanora, mute and cowering, and a protective surge was added to the white hot flash of my fury. It changed the song, and Carragheen’s voice followed mine, keeping tune with me the way his mind was clinging to the parts of mine he could find.

And as we sang, the pain receded a little. Not completely, it still filled all of the available spaces of our bodies and our brains, but it released its deathlike grip a little. Now I consciously tried to feed it. The song. I thought about all the things I knew and loved about Lecanora. Her beauty, and her brilliance. Our shared history. How kind she was to me when everyone else was not. How much my mother loves her. Something in that thought almost tripped me up for a moment, but I brushed it aside. I had to focus. I had to do this right.

Carragheen started feeding thoughts and memories into my brain. He could see how this thing was working too. He was thinking about the two of us dancing at the wedding, and about the dance of the dolphins, and kissing me on his bed. Whatever it was I was doing made the song stronger still, the notes higher, more perfect. The pain receded further.

I could see it was having the same effect on Imogen and Lecanora too. Their eyes focused again, they were watching without looking crippled. We were doing it. Protecting them. And Rila looked different too. Afraid. She raised the thing higher and her note changed. It was shriller, had a more vicious edge. The pain redoubled. The singing was starting to take a toll on Carragheen and me. I could feel it draining my strength, and wondered how long I could go on. I felt the answering fear in Carragheen’s brain, and a part of me started to surrender.

We tried, I thought, as I felt the song start to let go, and the pain start to build again, towards what could only be the end of us all. At least we tried.