And then my whole identity would go spinning into oblivion. I wasn’t ready for that. Instead, I asked him how he’d managed to agree to the engagement when he’d left me late the previous night.
“They came for me this morning,” he said, peering up at the cloudless blue sky. “Well before dawn. I’d barely slept because I was worried about our third trial. When Master Dallr brought me to the throne room, and the queen said I merely had to give her the right answer to a question, I was relieved. After all, I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone I cared about.”
“Until you found out she intended to foist a fate worse than death on you,” I said, attempting a light tone.
“I don’t know that it’s worse than death. I did point out that my second chance was contingent upon you passing the trials and that you hadn’t passed yours yet. She said, ‘Her success depends on yours. You can both pass, or both fail. Your destinies are intertwined.’”
I gave a half laugh. “How you must have loved that. Being told I’m your destiny whether you like it or not.”
“Then she asked if I would marry you, and I thought at first she was making a joke. But she had the same look in her eyes as she had when she ordered me to execute Goran. Utterly serious. So I said yes.”
“So marriage to me is like an execution.”
“Better than an execution, I hope.” He grinned and waited, but when I didn’t smile back he added, “It was unexpected. And I know you didn’t expect it, either.”
“No.”
We were silent for a long time. The hill leading to the school came into view and he said casually, “Not that I hadn’t considered the possibility. But I didn’t think it would be so soon.”
I stumbled and Kai righted me. I turned to face him. “What?”
He didn’t quite meet my eyes. “It’s not unthinkable. The idea of us being married.”
“Not unthinkable. What a ringing endorsement.”
“I’d considered it, that’s all I’m saying. For a very distant future. After several hundred liaisons with—”
“A hundred other girls.” I flapped a hand at him. “The only reason you considered marrying me is that you’d be sitting on the throne one day.”
“Well, now that you mention it”—he rubbed his chin thoughtfully—“that would be a benefit.”
“I’m glad you think this is funny.”
His smile disappeared. “I don’t, actually. I’m merely relieved the trials are over. You do realize that we’ll both be initiated as Fireblood masters now? That’s something to celebrate, surely.”
“Is that before or after the ceremony that chains us to each other for eternity?”
He put a finger to his chin. “Probably after. It’s going to be a busy week planning a wedding on such short notice.”
My instinct was to hit him, but if I started, I might not stop. Kai had either lied or lied by omission about so many important things. How could I ever trust him again?
“I’m tempted never to speak to you again.”
“That might make the wedding rather awkward.”
I forced myself to take a deep breath and think reasonably. No matter what he said now, he was not the marrying type. “You must have a plan to avoid it.”
“I don’t have a plan.”
“Well, make one.” My temples began to throb.
“If you can think of something, by all means. My plan is to get my island back and give the queen lots of grandnieces and grandnephews in gratitude.”
I wheeled on him. “I’ll stab you in your sleep first.”
“Now, that’s a little extreme.”
“Kai.” I grabbed the lapels of his tunic. “Be serious for a minute. How are we going to get out of this?”
We had reached the foot of the hill. For once, he didn’t complain that I was mussing his clothes. He just kept his hands by his sides and stared at me. “I don’t know.”
I let him go and we continued up the hill, my mind in turmoil. The queen had me cornered, and if there was one thing I hated, it was feeling trapped. I had come here to find a way to destroy the Minax I’d released, not to have my life upended. I’d seen the trials as a way to prove myself, to master my power, and to gain access to knowledge. I hadn’t realized the cost. I knew I’d have to take vows to become a master, but I hadn’t expected them to include wedding vows.
I also didn’t know what to make of the fact that it had been I, not Sage, who had stopped the lava. If that were even true. I didn’t know what to make of the lullaby. I didn’t want to think about those things at all. I was feeling more and more like the queen’s plaything. The walls were closing in and I needed to find a way out.
Kai seemed too willing to accept the queen’s manipulations. I wanted him to be as angry as I was, and the fact that he wasn’t made him seem like another adversary. I knew that wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t help it.
When we reached the carriage, I said, “I’m going to walk.”
His voice held surprise. “It’ll take you over an hour to walk back.”
“Good,” I said, turning away. “I need time alone.”
NINETEEN
THE NEXT DAY, I STOOD ON THE queen’s whitewashed stone balcony overlooking the castle grounds. The hum of an excited crowd floated up from an open area below. This was where the queen addressed her subjects during festivals or other formal occasions, and it seemed like the whole island had shown up for today’s announcement.
My legs began to tremble with the urge to run, to escape their stares. It was nothing like the arena, I told myself. No one was howling for my death.
Behind me, the doors to the throne room had been flung wide, letting sea-salted air circulate among the chattering courtiers like an uninvited guest. The nobles stood in groups, peering at me from behind fans or openly staring with a mixture of doubt, shock, and fascination. I tried to look demure and royal, since that was my role today. But sometimes I couldn’t resist staring one of them down until they shamefacedly looked away. After all, I outranked everyone but the queen—supposedly. And I was angry enough at the way I’d been backed into a corner to take advantage of that fact.
I knew I didn’t look my best. I had dark circles under my eyes after a sleepless night. Every time I’d fallen asleep, I’d dreamed of the Minax hovering over me, its black tendrils reaching out to feather across my skin in a possessive caress. I’d jerked awake, staring wildly at the shadows gathered in the corners and wondering why it felt so real. After the third nightmare, I’d given up on sleep. I lit a candle and listened to the wind rattling the casement as I tried to come to terms with the queen’s claim that my mother was her sister.
I couldn’t accept it. It was impossible.
So I’d moved on to thinking about what I needed to do next: get through the initiation ceremony, which the queen had informed me was in two days. Then I could figure out how to destroy the Minax. Then focus on finding a way to escape the madness of this engagement to Kai. For now, I had to play the queen’s game. This wasn’t King Rasmus’s arena, but I was here to perform.
Though, perversely, some part of me wanted these spectators to like me. No one here hated me for my gift. In fact, judging by many rapt and smiling faces, they seemed more than ready to embrace me as the lost heir. As I absorbed their unabashed approval, I was overwhelmed with painful longing. If things were different, this could have been the home I’d always wanted. For the first time, I contemplated how much it would hurt to leave Sudesia.
I smoothed clammy hands over my skirts. My gown had once belonged to the queen but had been altered to fit me. Embroidered roses, leaves, and vines trailed over the crimson fabric in a masterpiece of gold thread. Each stem sported perfect little thorns that looked so sharp, I was almost afraid to touch them lest they draw blood. A thick gold necklace had the appearance of lace. Several bracelets clanked together as I moved, and a gold filigree crown—a humbler version of the queen’s—was pinned in my upswept hair.