“A debate for another time, perhaps.” He wound a lock of my hair around his fingers, seeming fascinated by the way the end curled. He brought it to his face and inhaled before tucking it back over my shoulder, his hands smoothing down my back. I shivered helplessly. “I’ve had too much wine to philosophize.”
“You seem lucid enough to me,” I replied lightly, though my heart had taken up an elevated rhythm at the stroke of his long fingers over my shoulder blades. “I hope you’re not planning to use the claim of intoxication as an excuse to flirt.”
“I never need an excuse to flirt—though I prefer to call it ‘appreciating your allure’—any more than I need an excuse to breathe. And you are more intoxicating than wine, Lady Ruby.”
I laughed to cover the way his words sent honey through my veins and how I had to make a concentrated effort to push the feeling away. “And you flirt almost as much as you breathe.”
“You don’t mind, though, do you?” he asked softly. “Not really.”
“I wish you’d told me sooner about the third trial,” I said quickly. Kai’s smile grew. He knew I was changing the subject.
“You realize what would happen if the queen found out I revealed even the smallest detail of the trials? I’m sorry if it took a while before I trusted you enough to risk my life for you.”
I let my breath out slowly. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But, Kai… what do I do? If I can’t do whatever she tells me to do, where does that leave you?”
“I don’t know. But know this: There will be a price to pay if you don’t pass. You won’t walk away without losing something you care about.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t go, then. What if she decides to take my failure out on you?”
His hands cupped my shoulders and slid with careful purpose up my neck and into my hair, his thumbs stroking my cheeks, leaving trails of warmth over my skin. His gaze fell on me, dark and heavy, but his mouth quirked up on one side. “Are you saying you care about me?”
“Of course I do,” I whispered, unwilling to lie after the way he’d opened up to me. “You’re my friend.”
“Just your friend?”
His head dipped slowly, slowly toward mine. I could have pushed him away.
I didn’t.
Suddenly I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t care. I wanted the comfort—no, the excitement—of his kiss. I was tired of fighting the sense of ease I had in his company, the knowledge that we were so similar, so complementary. Our worlds weren’t at odds. I wouldn’t have to bury my nature, my very essence, in order to be with him. It could be so much easier than it had ever been with—
Thoughts fled as Kai’s lips met mine. They were warm and firm, gentle but confident, pressing and moving with gentle abrasion, back and forth, sending sparks through the sensitive flesh that had suddenly become the center of my universe. His tongue came out to touch the crease where my lips met and my breath drew in sharply, my mouth opening. The electric joy of it lit something inside of me, and then I was struggling to get closer, my fingers diving into the thick, bright waves of his hair. He pulled me tighter against him, his chest a hard wall against my softer frame, his strong arms holding me securely, as if they didn’t want to let go.
He pressed me back against the mattress, his weight making it dip, and his lips found their way to my throat. I moaned, and somehow that brought me to my senses.
“Wait, what are we doing?” I gasped.
“I didn’t think I’d have to explain it,” he murmured.
I pushed at his shoulder and he sat up immediately. We were both breathing hard, and he ran his hands through his hair to leave it comically spiked.
“You should go,” I said.
“First,” he said softly, reaching out to rub his thumb over my bottom lip, “what’s your answer?”
All I could think about was the warmth of his touch, the way my lips tingled at the gentle contact.
“What was the question?” I asked, struggling through layers of feeling.
He gave a satisfied chuckle, and the dark sound seemed to trail invisible fingers against my skin. His voice was soft but challenging. “Am I just your friend?”
I shook my head, coming out of the sensual fog he’d woven around me. He waited, but my confusion kept me silent.
I did feel more for Kai than friendship. I couldn’t deny it, but I wasn’t ready to admit it to him. And no matter how hard I tried to let go of Arcus, thoughts and memories of him were always there. He was a part of me. I wasn’t ready to let that go.
After a minute, Kai stood and went to the door.
“There will be reckonings, little bird,” he said, turning in the doorway. “With the trials tomorrow, certainly. But after that, with me.”
SEVENTEEN
THE NEXT MORNING, I JOLTED AWAKE with a racing heart. The nightmare faded so quickly that I could only grasp pieces of it. I’d been wandering dark hallways, crying out Arcus’s name, and listening to him answer, each echoing repetition of my name coming from farther and farther away. I knew if I didn’t reach him in time, he’d be lost to me forever. And the arms that reached out from the walls would drag me down into the deep, never to surface again.
I poured a glass of water from the pitcher on my nightstand and drank in agitated gulps, waiting for my heart to quiet. The nightmare and my third trial were jumbled together in my thoughts, as if the first was a bad omen for the second. I reminded myself I wasn’t superstitious and dressed in my tunic and leggings, waiting for Kai to come to my door like usual.
When he didn’t appear, I went to his room and found it empty. I called his name, as if he might materialize out of the ether, but there was nothing but lingering traces of soap and sandalwood. I stared at the meticulously tidy room, feeling lost. Kai had been with me on the way to each trial. Had the masters separated us on purpose?
I tried to shake off worry as I traveled alone to the school, my midsection tying itself in knots. I concentrated on my breathing, swallowing past a lump of fear in my throat. After what Kai had told me about his third trial, I wondered if taking it myself was worth it. He seemed to regard his decision not to kill his friend as a failure, but I viewed it as a show of character. He’d refused to become a murderer just to pass the trials. In his place, I would have done the same. It was only afterward that the consequences—the loss of his family’s land and fortune—had made him doubt his choice. How would he fare this time?
If I failed the third trial, I’d have to leave Sudesia empty-handed. Even without the book, the knowledge of the masters could have helped me defeat the Minax; otherwise it would remain free. I had to weigh the cost of preserving my principles—following the path my mother and grandmother would have wanted me to take—against saving a kingdom.
I hoped the queen wouldn’t ask me to kill. I’d had to make that choice in the arena, and I didn’t want to make it again.
Master Dallr once again took me up the hill to the temple of Sud, where I said a brief prayer. Then I followed a somber procession of masters trudging on foot over the barren lava fields in the general direction of Sud, the belching volcanic monster named after the goddess of the south wind. I kept looking back as I walked, hoping to see Kai loping behind us to catch up. He didn’t appear.
We came to the ruin of walls, what might have once been a dwelling. Inside, a stairway led to underground tunnels. They sent me in alone.
Torches showed me the way, and as Kai had described, it felt like a long time before I arrived at the end: a wide, echoing chamber carved from black stone, a river of lava dividing the two sides like a bloody gash. My pulse played an irregular beat in my neck. A bead of sweat trickled from my hairline down my cheek.
The river was only a few feet across. With a running start, I could probably jump the distance. But I doubted that was the point.