"Where's Adam, he was here. He was with her! Oh God," I fought nausea and lost. I bent over and threw up until nothing else would come out. I felt comforting hands pulling my hair away from my face and as I looked up I saw Larissa's lifeless eyes staring at me. Her chest had been torn open and her heart was gone.
Everything inside of me closed down. Something broke inside of me and just stopped and I stopped with it. Sightless I sat down at Ryder's feet as his eyes filled with grief. "Make me not feel it. I don’t want to feel it. Make it stop."
He reached down and picked me up until I was cradled in his arms, "Find the boy and make sure you remove the body first Ristan, no one else needs to see her like this. She deserves better."
Ryder sifted us into the medical ward again. He said nothing as he placed me down on the sterile table. "Eliran, she needs you."
"Again?" Eliran said as his eyes scanned the damage, "Ristan did well sire," his eyes met mine and grew round in surprise to find them glowing.
I felt my life draining away. Everything inside of me just wanted it to stop. The pain. The death. I'd given too much, I just needed to sleep.
Thirty Seven
She sleeps, free from the pain that took her into this catatonic state. Broke her mind and ripped a hole inside her already battered soul. She had seen too much her mind broke, snapping —as the past clashed together with the horror of watching yet another person she loved be tortured to death.
"I want to know why the fuck I couldn’t feel her Ristan, only her fucking pain, how'd that sick fuck block me from her," I snap, I feel useless, something I have never felt before. Never want to again.
"No clue, I didn’t see this play out Ryder. Her future is unclear to me still, blocked. She's powerful and has a big part to play in saving Faery, beyond that I can't see anything."
"Fuck Ristan, I don’t care about the fucking future. I want to know why she won't wake up right now!" I explode. I hate the vacancy I see in her eyes. She's empty, there's no more fight inside her eyes and I hate it.
"She's catatonic, she has to heal from within," Eliran said as he walked into the room we sat watching her from. Adrian and Adam had both shown up along with their Guild elder.
The two men had wasted no time with questions. Adam had shook with denial and then climbed in the large bed we'd laid Syn in. He'd cuddled her against his chest as tears ran from his eyes. He'd lost his mate, I didn’t fucking blame him for needing to hold her, I didn’t like it either. They comfort her, even when she cannot feel them.
"I want a full research team on the metal pins. I want to know where they came from, how he got them and what effect they have had on her. And I want the information yesterday. Eliran, use the mage if you need to. I want him in pain and screaming to tell us everything he knows and why he went after Syn."
"When do you plan on telling them that Larissa's killer is still alive?" Ristan asked his eyes narrowing as he turned to look at me.
"I don't. Adam would want him dead. I need him alive to tell us who else he is working with. He wasn’t alone, he said the others would come—I want them all dead. I'll tell her when she's strong enough Ristan. Right now I just need her to wake up."
~~~~~~~~~~*
I hear them, their hearts beating. Hands touching, connecting with me, I can sense it all. But nothing makes sense. Nothing brings my mind back from where it has gone. I'm awake but nothing computes, nothing is real. Here there is no pain, Larissa is alive and if I open my mind…if I wake it up I'd have to feel it, have to admit it.
Sleep claims me again, I allow it.
I wake; Adrian is talking to me, trying to pull me from the peace inside my mind. I close him out. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. He leaves and Adam takes his place, he says nothing. He holds me and cries, it threatens to bring me out and I go back to the darkness.
Someone cradles me, his scent calls to me. It's Ryder, his lips caressing mine gently as he demands I wake up, that I come back to him. His hands comfort me as he holds me against his chest and I sleep, held in his arms. I feel safe with him and yet I shouldn't.
I pace inside my mind, knowing I have to come out sooner or later. It would be so easy to just never wake up, to give in to the blackness that takes the pain and holds it at bay. I felt the fracture, the crack inside my mind that I slipped into. It was seductive, the emptiness was comforting.
They take turns, holding my useless form, comforting it. I wish they'd leave it alone. Every time I need it, it refuses to save the people I love, every time. The magic didn’t come, the Fae inside of me failed to help me as well. I hate them both. Everything inside of me is useless. What is the point of having powers if they don’t come when you need them the most?
Adam lays down his hand, stroking my face and staring into eyes that see but don’t register anything. He smiles through his tears, choking on them. "Syn, you gotta wake up. I need you. I can't live without you too. She's gone baby. You're stronger than this. You’re the strongest person I know. I need you. Dammit Syn, I need you."