I wasn’t sure anymore.
‘I’m trying so hard, Avalon, but you’re pushing me away. You can’t keep feeling sorry for yourself all the time. You need to stop feeling guilty, and start living. I mean, if you had any feelings for me at all, it shouldn’t be a problem, should it?’
‘How can you say that? You know how I feel-’
‘That’s just it,’ said Jack. ‘I don’t know, because you won’t talk about it. Obviously I care about you far more than you care about me.’
‘No,’ I shook my head, alarmed. ‘That’s not true.’
‘I feel like I’m getting nowhere. You hold me at an arms length, but you bring me closer when it suits you. Don’t you see how confusing that is?’
‘I’m not trying to be difficult,’ I said. ‘I’ve never … I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.’
‘Avalon,’ Jack took a deep, steadying breath. ‘I’m a simple Mage. I don’t want much. I don’t want to go on adventures, or be famous. I want to work, save my money, and buy a house. I’ve never had a proper family, Ava. I don’t know what it’s like to be loved or appreciated. Eventually, I want to get married, and have children, and all of those other things that normal Mages do. And I am not afraid to admit it. But you … you’re afraid of everything.’
Was that the kind of man Jack was? A family man? Suddenly, I understood Jack’s determination to commit to me, and earn my commitment in return. He wanted to invest his future in us.
‘I told you, Avalon. I’ll follow you anywhere until you send me away. So I need you to tell me something right now, okay?’
Jack meant the world to me, but I was afraid - afraid of destroying something else that was beautiful and pure. I was a Fire-Mage and would ruin everything I touched.
‘Okay,’ I agreed, my voice breaking.
‘I need to know,’ he said, ‘if …’
He seemed to be struggling to find the right words.
‘What?’ I pressed. I’d say anything to make him happy. It was clear he had wanted to talk about this for a while.
He took a deep breath. ‘Am I wasting my time?’
It stung worse than I had anticipated. It was as though a vice had clamped down on my chest.
‘No!’ I said at once, gripping his arm tightly. ‘Don’t think things like that.’
‘I need to know … what are you afraid of?’
I closed my eyes, trying to find the right words to describe how I felt. ‘How can … how can someone as selfish as me, deserve someone like you?’ I finally asked.
Jack cupped my chin in his hand and tilted my head up. ‘You are mine, Avalon Redding, and I am going to keep you.’
His voice held such authority and determination that I couldn’t say no, so I simply nodded.
Jack sealed his statement with a kiss, which I returned gladly. Of course, I’d never tell Jack that I’d been his all along.
‘I am a selfish person,’ I said, my voice shaking slightly. ‘I act first and think later. I’ve always been that way.’
‘I don’t think you’re selfish,’ he said.
‘No, it’s true. I can give you a whole list of reasons why I am a bad person.’
‘I can give you a whole list of reasons why you are a good person,’ he challenged. ‘What about all the work you’ve been doing with Helena? That isn’t selfish.’
I sighed and looked away. ‘Why do you think I’m doing it, Jack?’
‘Because she’s your sister-’
‘No.’ I looked back at him. ‘Because I feel guilty.’
‘There’s no reason to feel guilty,’ he said, his brow furrowed. ‘It isn’t your fault.’
‘If I hadn’t run away in the first place …’ I trailed off, taking a deep breath. ‘It mightn’t have happened.’
‘You can’t blame yourself for something like that.’
‘Who else is there to blame?’
‘The Realm,’ said Jack, waving a hand over his shoulder as though the Headquarters were right behind him. ‘It’s them who did this, not you.’
Chapter Four
The Posters Around Town
‘Avalon! Avalon!’ A booming voice called my name from somewhere in the distance. I broke away from Jack and looked around for the source of the noise.
It was my father. He was running as fast as he could down the street, away from the heart of town.
‘What the-?’ I watched his progress as he drew nearer and nearer.
My father caught up to us, wheezing and spluttering, clutching a stitch in his side.
‘Dad!’ I said, grabbing him by the shoulders. ‘Are you all right?’
He coughed, doubling over, trying to catch his breath.
‘Jack, what’s wrong with him? Is he okay?’
Jack bent down and placed a hand over my father’s chest, searching for the cause of my father’s condition.
‘He’s fine,’ said Jack, straightening up. ‘For his age, I mean. Mr. Redding, you really shouldn’t be running long-distance. How old are you? Sixty?’
‘I’m fifty-one!’ he said irritably. ‘Shut up for a minute, will you?’