It always seemed as though Helena was paying attention to what I said. She never took her eyes off me, though this could be for another reason entirely.
I went through the flash-cards with her, saying, and spelling out, each word.
‘Cat,’ I told her, pointing to the drawing that Jack had done. ‘C – A-T. Cat. A cat goes …’ I waited for Helena to say something. But, as usual, she did not make a noise. ‘What sound does a cat make, Helena?’
Nothing.
‘Meow,’ I said, in a ridiculous, high-pitched voice. ‘A cat goes meow.’
Next card. And the next. No response.
‘Look at this one, Helena,’ I said. ‘This is a family. Family. F-A-M-I-L-Y. It’s just like us, see? There’s a mother, and a father, and look, there are even two daughters. That’s you and me, right there.’ I pointed to the two stick-figure children in triangle shaped dresses.
‘The taller one is me,’ I said, pointing to myself. ‘Avalon. Can you say Avalon?’
Helena opened her mouth, and my heart stopped momentarily. She took a deep breath, only to exhale slowly.
I sighed, but continued.
‘The smaller one is you.’ I pointed to the smaller stick-figure. ‘Helena.’
I waited and watched her expression to see if any recognition registered in her eyes. She tilted her head slightly.
I’d had enough disappointment on my birthday.
‘All right then,’ I said, stacking the cards together. ‘That’s enough for one day, huh?’
I turned from Helena and faced her dresser, placing the flash-cards upon its surface. I caught my reflection in the mirror above the chest of drawers, and noticed that I looked gaunt and tired. I was snapped from my thoughts by a sudden noise behind me.
‘Vahh,’
I spun around to look at Helena, sending the flash-cards cascading to the floor. She was picking at a scab on her knee, and showed no sign that she had spoken at all.
‘What did you say?’ I asked, kneeling in front of her. I tried to make eye contact with her, but she merely shied away.
‘Say it again,’ I ordered her. I held Helena by the shoulders, and gripped her tightly. ‘Come on … I know I heard you say it this time. You tried to say ‘Ava’ didn’t you?’
I waited with baited breath. She had to say it again, she had to, because then I would be certain that all of these lessons weren’t in vain.
‘Helena!’ I scolded, shaking her a little in an attempt to get her attention.
She didn’t seem to like that.
Helena wailed, and pushed me away from her, bringing her knees up to her chin, and wrapping her arms around her legs protectively.
‘Damnit!’ I cursed, standing and walking to the door. ‘Fine!’
I stormed from the room, slamming the door behind myself. I could hear Helena wailing through the closed door.
Of course, I felt guilty that I had upset my little sister, but it was hard.
My mother poked her head out of her door and peered down the hall at me. ‘What are you doing now?’ she asked.
‘Nothing!’ I shot back, a little too defensively.
My mother emerged from her bedroom, and rolled her eyes when she heard Helena sobbing in the next room.
‘What did you do now?’
‘Nothing,’ I repeated, agitated. ‘I’m going for a ride.’
I turned on my heel and swept from the hall, slamming the front door behind me on the way out.
I was mostly angry with myself for getting my hopes up. I knew my family wouldn’t believe me if I told them Helena had spoken for a second time without anyone hearing it.
Frustrated, I stepped onto the front lawn and whistled loudly, knowing that Hawthorne would hear me, wherever he was. It would only be a matter of seconds before he was at my side.
I waited, walking around to the side of my house, which faced the forest. Any second now I would see my furry white companion emerge from the trees.
A minute passed.
I whistled again, louder this time.
Another minute passed so I tried calling his name.
Nothing.
Pursing my lips, I decided to walk a few meters into the forest, to see if I could find Hawthorne. I was not too concerned that something had happened to him. Hawthorne could take care of himself, and I had never encountered anything scary in this forest, even as a child. The scariest thing in this forest had always been me – setting things on fire.
The woods were quiet. I couldn’t even hear footsteps.
‘Hawthorne!’ I called again.
This time I heard distant trotting. A few seconds later, Hawthorne emerged from the trees, looking sheepish.
‘Hey,’ I said, slightly miffed. ‘Where have you been?’
He slunk to my side, pressing his nose against my arm as an apology.
‘Got better things to do, huh?’ I asked, ruffling the fur on top of his head. He seemed to be acting strangely guilty.
‘You want to go for a ride?’ I asked him. He could use the exercise. I’d noticed a change in his weight over the last two months of inactivity. He’d put on a few pounds.
Hawthorne looked over his shoulder, as if contemplating the decision. Had he really been too busy to come when I called?