“You didn’t say anything about pain, Ilyan.” I said, second guessing myself.
“It may not hurt at all, Joclyn. I have never known anyone to be able to fight my magic before, so I don’t know what’s going to happen.” I could feel the warmth in his hands build as his magic congregated right under his skin.
“But you have done this before?”
“Many times, Siln?. You have nothing to fear.”
I nodded and pushed my magic down to my toes as he had asked, nodding my head once it was done.
“Brace yourself.”
I cringed at his words. I didn’t know how to react or what to prepare myself for. I closed my eyes and felt the muscles in my face tighten in expectation. At first it felt as it always did when Ilyan pushed his magic into me, warm tendrils circling through my body, but then they began to grow. It reminded me of when I was sick, when his magic would whoosh into me with a speed I never expected. This time I could feel his power, but also a wall inside of me, the force of his magic building against the barrier I unwillingly kept within myself.
“Ilyan,” I gasped when the pressure began to build into a pain.
“Let me in, Joclyn. You have to break your barrier down.”
I tried to focus through the pain, tried to find a way to break the barrier I wasn’t even sure I controlled. I felt the pressure grow, Ilyan’s intent to break the barrier obvious. And then I felt it – what could only be described as a tear inside of me. I focused on it, trying to force it to get bigger. The pressure within me grew and I did the only thing that made sense to me; I relaxed my body, starting at the tiny tear in my barrier.
As soon as I did, I felt the wall fall away, the tense shield inside of me disappearing. With the disappearance of the barrier, the pressure of Ilyan’s magic flooded into me. It was stronger than anything I had ever felt. I arched my back in an attempt to escape the pressure, the heat which bounded into me. I howled as it continued to build, Ilyan yelling and swearing in a panic as he sat over me.
Before it became too much, before I felt I would be torn apart by the intensity, it slowed. The heat swelled in a spot inside of my left shoulder and seeped away from the rest of me, the pressure leaving and my body relaxed.
I wasn’t sore. I wasn’t hurt. My body felt heavy and tired, my lack of sleep from the night before and the exertion of the last few minutes draining me. I sunk into the blankets, letting my body fall like a dead weight.
“Joclyn.” Ilyan shook my shoulders, but my body didn’t want to respond. I could hear him. I could feel the desire to answer, to reach out and touch him, but I couldn’t make myself do it.
“Joclyn! Please be alright!”
I felt heat from the spot in my shoulder seep away from the whole, magic that was unmistakably Ilyan’s crawling through me. I opened my eyes to him, surprised to see his face so lined with worry.
“Oh, God! Thank you!” He grabbed my shoulders and lifted me into him, my body collapsing against him. “Are you alright?”
He pulled me away, his eyes dragging over me. I could still feel his magic seeping through me.
“Did I hurt you at all?”
“I’m fine, Ilyan.” I was surprised at how weak my voice was.
His face lit up at my words, relief washing over him. The tendrils of his magic returned to my shoulder, but the all-encompassing warmth remained, his shield around me already in place.
“I’m so glad. You have no idea…” Ilyan shook his head, abruptly ending his thought.
I leaned forward into his chest; my body too tired to support my weight. “Was that supposed to make me so tired?”
“No, but I may have exhausted your body a bit more than usual. I can’t normally push that much magic into a person.”
“Why not?”
He hesitated.
“Because I kill them, Siln?.” My body tensed, and I felt Ilyan’s magic instantly move into me, relaxing me. It was odd to have him so willing to calm me, he had never used his magic on me so freely before.
“But I thought you said that the ?tít was safe?” I asked, alarmed.
“It is Joclyn. I could never hurt you. I was just scared,” he pulled me to him, his arms wrapping heavily around me. “So scared.”
“How do you know you wouldn’t have hurt me, Ilyan?” I tried to ignore the fear that was growing inside of me.
“I know, Joclyn.”
“But you said you killed someone?” I asked, my voice breaking.
“I was very young at the time. You asked me why I was in the monastery, and that is why. Repentance for my sins I guess you could say. It was an accident and I have since learned to control it.”