“What?”
“I want to create a ?tít inside of you that will hold some of my magic. It will never infiltrate your body, and I will always have control over it. But this way I can keep a stronger barrier around you, as well as be able to track you if we ever get separated.”
Ilyan had spoken very fast, his voice strained like he was having a hard time breathing. I raised an eyebrow at him in confusion.
“A ?tít?” I repeated. I had never heard of what he was talking about, and just when I thought I was getting a decent hold on our abilities too.
“Yes. Think of it like a bubble inside of you that holds my magic. It will help me to keep you safe, as well as allow you to leave this tiny room from time to time.” I jumped in excitement, and Ilyan smiled broadly at my response.
“I can leave?”
“If you let me do this.” He wasn’t as excited as me. My hope deflated like a punctured balloon.
“What’s the downside?” I didn’t want to hear it, but I could tell from Ilyan’s tone that there was one. I knew I was right when he sighed and looked away, his classic hesitation. I reached out with my free hand and pulled his chin back to face me.
“Ilyan. What’s the downside?” He sighed again, and I ran my finger along his hairline out of habit, it was something I would do to Ryland. I regretted it instantly. His face went blank as he stared at me. I pulled my hand away, screwing up my face like I had eaten moldy cheese – which was actually how I felt inside.
“I have only done this to someone who has undergone the Z?lství a few times before. I am not sure how it will work. It could upset the balance between you and Ryland in some way. It could upset your magic and you could fight against me even more when I try to heal or calm you. It’s a risk.”
My heart plunged down like a lead weight. Hearing him talk about the connection between Ryland and I breaking made me uncomfortable. Silly, considering that the connection was the reason I was being tracked, the reason I was bound to enter the T?uha on a daily basis, and a probable cause of my nightmares. I wouldn’t have to have a ?tít if it wasn’t for my bond with Ry. The only good part about my bond was Ryland, and he didn’t even remember me anymore.
“What if it does break the connection between us? Will my body turn against me like before?”
“It’s a risk,” Ilyan said, his other hand joining to mine. I could still feel his magic surging through me, his shield keeping me hidden from Ryland, keeping me safe.
“And if it does? Do you still have your mysterious back-up plan?” Ilyan smiled, that odd look back in his eyes.
“Yes.”
“And what is this mysterious back-up plan?” I asked, hoping to get some more information out of him.
“Something a good friend told me about eight centuries ago.” He smiled coyly and I could tell that was all I was going to get out of him.
“I hate cryptic answers, Ilyan! Why do you always have to be so mysterious? It doesn’t add to the good guy persona very well.” I groaned and threw myself back on the bed in frustration, pulling Ilyan with me.
“Strangely, I am only cryptic with you,” he said as he pulled me back to sitting. “And, I only do it to protect you.”
“My Protector.” The words cut into me a little too heavily this time and I felt fear pit in my stomach at what it could mean. It all felt a bit more real after having been attacked.
“Yes, Siln?. And as your Protector, I need to be able to keep you safe.” He paused and looked away from me, the pained look back in his eyes. “Will you let me place the ?tít?”
I groaned and dropped my head to my legs. I understood Ilyan’s warnings, but part of me, a very selfish part, desired the freedom that a ?tít might give me. Ilyan ran his free hand over my back, his other still attached to my palm. I wished I had the strength and the ability to cast my own shield, to keep myself safe, but I wasn’t there yet. And even if I was, I knew I didn’t have the focus to keep it up 24 hours a day. Reluctantly, I nodded my head.
“Okay,”
“Lay down, Joclyn.” Ilyan whispered. I could still hear his trepidation even though I had given him the okay.
I laid down slowly. Ilyan’s hand slid up my arm to rest on my shoulder, his fingers never losing contact with my skin. His other hand moved to my other shoulder leaving his head to hang over me.
We looked at each other, nerves and a heavy sense of personal space invasion creeping through me. I wanted to push him away, or at the very least, stop him from looking at me.
“Try to push your magic into one place, Joclyn. Move it all to your toes, or your stomach. Focus it somewhere. I am going to have to battle through the barrier you have against me. It may hurt a bit, but the less you fight me, the less it will hurt.”