It was like the song, the song with funny words. I knew they were the same. I knew because of how the song made me feel, how fear slowed when I heard it. I knew the warmth was supposed to be the same.
I knew I was missing something.
If only I could figure out what it was, then I could get out of here.
Go…
Clunk
I froze.
He always tried to find me at night, but he hadn’t found this place. Not yet. The only place I was safe in here. I had hidden here every night, in the times I should have been sleeping. Nights, I sat. Days, I ran.
Forty-two days.
Like the marks in the floor.
I had forgotten why I was keeping track. Why did the days matter? I had forgotten what the lines meant, but still I marked them. Every day a new line. Every day a new mark. I was sure they were supposed to mean something, but I had forgotten.
I forgot everything.
Except the song.
Clunk
I knew he was close. The clunk was closer. I had to move. If he found me here, I would have nowhere to hide.
I stood and ran, not willing to see if he had found me. My foot dragged. It didn’t work right after Ryland yesterday. I held onto walls, keeping myself steady, and moved as fast as I could.
I ran from the safe place, through the hall of doors, through the door that led me to what looked like a school, and beyond that a library. The biggest one I had ever seen. I could be safe in the library, but I kept going.
I jumped at all the noises. I cringed away from the rats that watched me run. But I kept going until I reached the room where the desk was, I hid underneath it, hoping it was far enough.
My heart beat loudly, and my breath came hard. I couldn’t stop the pounding in my ears. I knew Cail was right behind me.
The door opened before I could stand and find another spot. Cail’s heavy footfalls entered. I hid behind the desk, trying to ignore the deafening sound of my pulse in my ears.
He had found me.
I tried to keep my breathing even, but I knew it was no use. He was looking right at me. I stood slowly, my hand slipping against the side of the desk.
“Y...y...you ca...can’t have m...me.” I stuttered the words out slowly. It only increased his smile. He shook his head at me dejectedly, looking at me like I was the disgusting filth I knew he saw me as.
I moved my chin toward my collar bone, my nerves catching at his stare, my eyes not quite willing to leave him. I began to twitch and his smile grew.
“Oh, Joclyn,” He mocked. I had to remind myself that that was my name.
“Don’t you think this has gone on long enough? Can’t you give in? It’s already been a week.”
I twitched at his words, my eyes darting around. A week? Wasn’t it longer? It felt longer, much longer. Forty-two marks, weren’t those the days? I looked at Cail questioningly, but he only smiled more.
“No one is coming for you, Joclyn. It’s time to end the game.”
Was I expecting someone? I couldn’t remember. The warmth in my shoulder grew again, and I instinctively moved to scratch at it.
“Wh...wh…who?” I managed to get the one word out, but I could instantly tell that Cail was playing with me. There was no one there to help me, there never was.
“You can’t even remember? I wonder what you can remember. I wonder what you are holding onto.” He looked at me again, and I twitched away.
Clunk
I jumped and Cail smiled at my movement. More noises could only mean one thing. Ryland was coming. Ryland hurts. I knew nothing other than pain from Ryland. Somewhere deep inside me something yelled at me that there was once more, but I couldn’t remember what it was anymore. It was forgotten like everything else. Only one thing mattered.
Ryland hurts.
I knew I needed to run. I moved out from behind the large desk, my eyes getting wider as the sound increased. I jumped at each thump, my eyes so wide they burned. My leg dragged from where they had caught it in the doorframe yesterday. I could see Cail smile when he saw it still hurt.
I didn’t wait.
I just moved. I went through the door that would take me through the apartment, then the hall with the fingers. Cail watched me as I went. Cail never hurt.
He just came first.
Thirty-Four
I screamed as the bone cracked.
It always cracked.
And then healed.
Always healed.
“Come back here! Let me finish what I started!” Ryland was angry, always angry. Always hurting.
I dragged myself to the room with books. I could hide there until it healed. I heard him behind me, he was too close. He wanted to end it. He wanted me gone.
He told me so.
He said it had been too long. Two weeks.
No, eighty days.
I had lost track, I didn’t know which made sense.
Lots of lines on the floor.
Which day? How long?
I didn’t know how long.
I clawed at the warmth in my shoulder, my fingers wet with blood. The warmth was there all the time now, it was nice. I liked it. If I got it out I could see what caused it. I could hold it in my hands.
I got to the books and pulled myself into the corner where the rats lived. They let me in. They sat on my lap.
Song.
Song.
No more words.
Words were gone.