Chapter Twenty-eight
You need to remember, Severine, that a lonely heart is better than a heart left in pieces...
Severine cringed at the advice her mom had given her as a teenager. She couldn’t be more right.
It had been seven days, only seven crappy days. Her emotional wounds were fading, but the humiliation was still there. Severine wondered if that would ever go away. It wasn’t enough to make any classes with Macsen okay. In fact, Severine weaseled her way to another seat in the back. It was on purpose that she picked the seat furthest from Macsen's.
Sometimes, she was optimistic that she’d get over it all. And then she’d see Macsen walk into class or around campus, and anger like she had never felt before would kick in. For now, her hatred for Macsen was a constant. Or maybe that was the only way she knew to protect herself.
“So are you sitting here the rest of the semester?”
Severine cut a look at the girl she had been sitting next to for the past week. Her name was Tosha. She didn’t say much, but when she did, it instantly held Severine’s attention. “Yes. It’s permanent.”
Tosha rolled her eyes. “I don’t believe that.” She stopped typing and pointed a finger at Macsen. “Tall, dark, and brooding makes eyes at you during class.”
Severine adjusted her laptop screen and stared at it blankly. “Good for him.”
“Did he f*ck up?”
Severine gaped at Tosha. This was the only class they had together, and usually, Tosha sat by herself. It wasn’t a statement or a cry for help. Everything about her was too much. If there was anything scarier than a beautiful girl, it was a girl that had brains to go with it.
She intimidated Severine like no one else could. But sitting next to Tosha made Severine feel protected. No one would come over here and say something to her. Not even Macsen. “Yeah. He did.”
“Sorry.” Tosha shrugged her shoulders, but she didn’t look sorry. “People sometimes aren’t ready for my word vomit.”
“I wouldn’t be sorry. I’d rather have someone blurt out the truth than hide it.”
“Ah! So you’re a lover scorned.” Tosha smiled like she had Severine’s biography figured out.
But there were always two sides. What would Macsen’s story be?
“Lover scorned? How many historical romances have you read?”
Tosha turned her head and focused all her attention on Severine. “I don’t read that mush, unless I’m bored at my mom’s and it’s the only thing to read. Then yes, if I have to deal with reading how a Duchess’s bosom heaved, okay. One book is better than nothing.”
The lecture went on in front of them. Tosha reached into her book bag and slid a book in her direction. “I read her.”
“Noelle Rae? Who’s that?”
“God.” Tosha rubbed her forehead repeatedly. “Are you kidding me? I want to punch you in the face for not knowing who she is.” Slowly, she slid her copy towards Severine. “Read my copy; although, if you lose it, I will find you and kill you. It’s my signed copy.”
“Why-”
“Oh, and if I see any pages have been dog-eared, I will make you buy ten hardback copies. Ever bought a hardback?”
This girl was a psycho. Severine slowly shook her head. “No.”
“Yeah, trust me. It isn’t cheap.”
“If this is your beloved signed copy, why are you carrying it around? And why are letting me borrow it?”
Tosha smiled. It was a smile that altered her face completely. An iota of content peace consumed her smile. The rest was monopolized by hidden discomfort. Everyone had a story. Tosha just hid hers better than others.
“I’m letting you borrow it because you need it. And Noelle Rae’s writing is complete genius. It will take you away from your problems, even if only for a little while.”
Severine slid the book back. “Since you look like you’re ready to have a stroke, I think I’ll pass.” Tosha’s face fell slightly. Severine spoke quickly, “I’ll just buy my own copy.”
“Is that one of those, ‘Oh, I’ll buy my own copy’ just to get you off my case, or ‘Oh! I’ll buy my own copy’ because I need to smell the pages and carry it wherever I go?”
Severine smiled. “Like you?”
“If you carry it around like me, you’re a f*cking genius.”
“Why does this story mean so much to you anyway?”
Tosha shifted in her seat and held her copy in her hands. “It’s a story—one that I’ll never forget. The characters have changed my life. They made me cry, they made me feel pain, but now I feel grateful for my own life.” Tosha glanced at Severine sadly. “Whatever you’re going through, I can promise you that someone out there is feeling something worse.”
Severine nodded her head. Not because it seemed like the right thing to do, but because Tosha was right. “What are you, a shrink?” Severine whispered.
“Nah.” Tosha shrugged her shoulders and smirked. “I should be, though. I tried to get my friend Emilia to read it, but she refuses to.”
“Too much for her?”
“Everything is too much for her.”
“She go to school here?” Severine asked.
“No. She’s transferring next year, though.”
Professor Bannister ended class for the day. Severine had no idea what was said. She really wanted to care, but Tosha had her attention.
“She’s touring the campus today.”
“Not much to see,” Severine mumbled as she shut her laptop and slid it into her bag.
Tosha stopped in the middle of the aisle and moved her head to the side to stare at Severine. “You should meet her. You two have a lot in common.”
Severine didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or insult. “Yeah?”
“Oh yeah,” Tosha smiled cryptically and slung her bag over her shoulder. She scooted over so Severine could walk down the wide steps next to her and continued talking. “She’ll like you. I can just tell.”
Severine smiled anxiously. It would be nice to meet someone who didn’t know she had been screwed over by Macsen Sloan. Her slate was clean with someone new. A smile came to her face at the thought.
They walked out the doors, and the freezing air met them brutally. Severine wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and followed Tosha.
“Oh,” she nudged Severine in the side. “She’s over there.”
“Emilia!
Severine scrunched her eyes and saw a girl with light caramel hair sitting on one of the tables scattered across the frozen grass. She inclined her head in greeting and stared at Severine. “Why is she sitting outdoors...willingly?”
“She’s a people watcher.”
“A what?”
“You know...someone who watches other people.”
Severine talked as she dug through her pockets to find her pair of gloves. “That seems kind of creepy.”
“It sounds creepy. But believe me, people are oblivious when they’re talking, fighting, gossiping. You can find out so much when you’re in the shadows.”
Severine squinted to look closer at the girl sitting statue still. She wasn’t pretty. That was too simple of a word.
Her face was lovely. One glance wouldn’t be enough. With every new glimpse, you’d find something special about her.
But the intensity in her gaze made Severine want to back away and run the opposite way. She smiled in their direction. Severine felt like it was only directed at Tosha.
“Severine, wait!”
Her eyes slammed shut before she turned to have another confrontation with Macsen. Emilia would get her people watching in for the day. Even if this conversation went nowhere with Macsen, someone would get something out of it. All Severine would possess afterwards was more confusion and a whole lot of anger.
“I’ll leave you alone,” Tosha recited quickly. “Emilia and I will be waiting at the table.”
Macsen jogged to where she stood. His dark locks were covered with a baseball cap, as usual. The strands that peeked around the cap showed he hadn’t cut his hair in a while. It gave him a boyish charm. It made him look sincere. Severine knew what was really behind his sweet smile and captivating eyes. She wanted to warn every girl to ever cross his path again.
“You actually waited for me.”
“Are you dying?”
Macsen frowned. “No.”
“If you’re not dying or bleeding from the eyes, let’s not talk.” Because it hurts too f*cking much.
“Shit.” He adjusted his bag. His hold on the brown strap made his knuckles turn white. “You won’t make this easy for me.”
Severine glanced down at the ground before looking back up. One look away could refuel her determination to stay firm. “Everything could’ve been easy between us. Someone couldn’t keep it in their pants.”
“I told you I f*cked up!” Macsen’s voice rose slightly. They were now being people watched by everyone. He moved his face closer and lowered his voice for only her ears. “Do I need to grovel on the ground for you?”
Before everything crumbled around them he didn’t have to do anything. He already had her. When Severine spoke, her words came out choked. “I’m not asking you to do anything.”
Macsen held his hands in the air. The gesture showed how he was just as lost in this situation as she was. Severine wanted to link her hands with his. He took that want away from her with his mistakes. “I’ll leave then.”
“Wait,” Severine gritted out. She regretted it the minute it came out of her mouth.
Macsen was barely a few steps away. He was by her side in a second. “Yeah?”
“I want you to answer something for me.”
“Anything.”
“I need this for myself. Not you.” Snowflakes fell from sky and landed all around them. One of them touched Severine’s lips. She brushed it off impatiently. Macsen stared at her fixedly. When he gazed at her like that, Severine doubted everything. How could the person in front of her screw up?
“I just wanna know why. Tell me why you did this to us?”
His shoulders tensed, and he stepped away. “I made a huge mistake.”
“I get that.” Severine put her hands up to air quote, “‘Mistake’ is your new favorite word. There was a reason behind it. Just tell me.”
Severine wanted an acknowledgement to her question. Mistake and f*cked up, could only get you so far. She wanted the truth.
Macsen adjusted his hat and nodded his head back and forth. “I can’t give that to you.”
“Because you don’t know?”
“Because it’d break you, and you’d never want to see me again.”
“I’m already broken,” Severine admitted. “Just give me the truth.”
For a brief second, it looked like he was going to. “I’m not doing that to you.”
There was no response to that. And even if she wanted to say anything, she couldn’t, because he walked away. Severine stared at the place he’d stood with anger building up in her body. She asked for his help and even that hurt.
None of this could be let go. The image of him with another girl reared up angrily in her head. It was a record stuck on repeat. One minute it was gone, but the image would reappear to replay again.
Over, and over, and over.
Severine made her way to Tosha and Emilia and sat down on the frozen seat across from them.
“That seemed intense,” Tosha mentioned lightly. She was dying to hear the details.
Severine nodded at the two of them. “Not much to say about it. Macsen’s a dick.”
Emilia placed her elbow on the table in front of them and propped her chin on her fist. Her dainty body was encased in a dark red coat. The collar was popped up, not for fashion, but to keep the wind at bay. It caused her fish tail braid to wrap around her shoulder and hang in all its caramel glory.
Emilia was her own unique brand. She was a vintage chic. It made Severine envious to see a girl so put together when her own life felt like it was crumbling around her.
“You two have a story.”
Severine raised a brow at Emilia’s probing question. This was how she said hi to someone? Severine drummed her glove-clad hands on the table. “Yeah. Doesn’t everyone have a story?”
She raised a brow, and Tosha shoved her face close. “I told Severine you were a people watcher.”
“Severine?”
“No. Seh-vreen.” The correction rolled off her tongue. It was by habit.
“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Emilia’s enigmatic words came out slowly. How much did she see in Severine?
“Mmm...thanks,” Severine said uncomfortably.
“That guy that ran away all coward-like...is he your boyfriend?”
A laugh burst out of Severine’s mouth. It was brittle. “Ah, that’s a big no.”
“So he made a mistake?”
“You tell me, Watch-Woman Emilia. What did you see from our exchange?”
“I saw a guy wanting your attention. I noticed a girl who looked broken, but strong at the same time.” Emilia paused to flip her hood up. “By the way, any girl that can hold her own is a friend of mine.” She held her small gloveless hand out in between the two of them. Severine felt as if she had passed some test. She removed her hand from her coat pocket and firmly shook the girl’s hand.
It seemed stupid. But Severine felt an alliance with Emilia.
Severine shook her head and replied firmly. “Tosha said you’re thinking about going here next year?”
“I’m not thinking about it. I am coming here.” Briefly, she looked around as a tiny smile played on her lips. “This place is going to offer me so much more.”
“Yeah? Bitter temps or better people watching?” Severine teased.
Emilia smiled and her own hidden secrets shown in her light brown eyes. Even observers had their own story.