Chapter Eleven
Severine stood up and buttoned her jacket. She kept her gaze focused on the belt of her coat, cinching it securely. Thayer’s eyes were centered on her. Her fingers gripped the strap of her purse tightly, her toes curled in her heels as she walked out of the room with Macsen. Thayer’s eyes still bore on her, through her, around her. She didn’t have to look to know. He looked past the surface of her skin, down to the true marrow of her thoughts.
Macsen led the way. For once, Severine let someone else take the lead. She wanted to turn back and shout out to Thayer to reach for her. But she walked through the door Macsen held open for her. When he let go of the handle and let the door shut behind them, Severine clutched onto the notion that any friendship, future, or hope for her and Thayer was eradicated.
You’re making the right choice.
But if she was making the correct selection, why did her heart feel so indignant?
Her mood was obvious. Macsen was silent as he reached for her hand. He held it gently between his own. She could slip away if things became too much, if the walls of her choices came crushing down. Macsen would treat her feelings with easy care. Just what she craved.
Don’t break me, please, Severine silently pleaded as they walked closer toward his truck.
She slid into the cab and glanced around at the cloth of the seats. The air around her smelled of cologne, one of her favorites.
Macsen jumped into the driver’s seat, and the truck started up loudly. He rubbed his hands together and quickly turned on the heat.
“I never pictured you driving a truck,” Severine said.
“Did you picture me in a tiny car? Too compact; I need room.”
Severine nodded and glanced at the logo on the steering wheel. “Chevy, no less? My grandpa would approve of you,” she joked.
Macsen’s lips thinned as he gripped the back of her seat, looked out of the rear window and backed out. “This is Thayer’s. He’s a getting a ride home from someone else.”
Her smiled dissolved. Of course, this truck was his. Even when she tried to get away from him, he still managed to torture her.
“So, do I wanna know why you texted me to come meet you, and we only stayed there for five minutes?”
“I missed you?”
Macsen drummed his hands against the steering wheel, while the red light in front of them cast a faint glow on them. He glanced at her with a confused expression. “What’s really bothering you?”
“We left everything so awkward this morning.”
“You left this morning,” Macsen pointed out.
Severine crossed her arms and angled her body to stare at him. “You were being a dick.”
He drove with one hand and moved his head to the side to rub his neck. “Sev, come on. Just tell me what the f*ck’s wrong.”
“I can’t understand why you’re pissed off!” Severine finally confessed. “Why? Tell me why, because I’m all confused right now.”
He pulled up near her dorm and turned the engine off. Finally, Macsen turned his head to look at her. They had never been alone, never given the opportunity. But how he stared at her made her nerves and aggression fade. The two emotions scattered away like leaves in a storm.
Everything happening between them was what she wanted. Severine shifted across the seat, more than drawn. After tonight, she wanted to be close to him. Whether he knew it or not, Severine had made a decision for herself. That choice was looking her in the face with a look of reverence.
His cell phone buzzed, and he glanced down at the screen. Severine followed the action and saw the name Haley flash across the screen.
Severine shifted backwards. Macsen tossed his phone onto the dashboard and grabbed her leg to keep her from moving. She sat perfectly still, not moving, not breathing; just taking in his large hand holding onto her like a lifeline.
Severine released a deep pent-up breath. It sounded like a pant. “You talk to her a lot?”
He shook his head no, his eyes never leaving contact of where their skin touched. “It’s not how you’re making it sound.”
“Macsen, I made it sound like nothing. Just asking.”
“You said it in that way. You know it, too.” He hesitantly withdrew his hand and leaned against the driver side door, clearly making himself comfortable. “Of course, we talk. But, like I said, not in the way you’re thinking.”
“What am I thinking?”
His shoulders moved up in defeat. “I don’t know. I’d love the chance to figure that out.”
Severine didn’t want to talk in circles around Macsen. She slid closer, and he watched her movements. “You have that chance.”
“Do I really?” Macsen asked harshly.
Severine took a deep breath. All around her was Thayer. She clenched her eyes shut and placed Macsen’s hands in her lap. “Who am I with now?”
Even though he was confused, he pressed closer. “For now, me. I’ll give you that. But I want you to only see me.”
Afterwards, Severine might regret showing how vulnerable she truly was. Macsen gained the right to view her secluded side. Shoving aside all her fears, Severine pressed closer. Her knees were positioned against his thigh. She unhurriedly guided his hands to her waist. His grasp was gentle. She wasn’t a bird; she wouldn’t break in his hands. Severine wanted to tell him, but things were hanging on by an already thin string.
“I do only see you, Macsen.”
“Can you tell me what’s reflected in your eyes isn’t the truth?”
Severine nodded but never answered him. Her lips pressed against his. And he was ready for her.
Her hands gradually moved away from his shoulders to his hair. She knocked aside his baseball hat, gripped the strands of his hair, and kissed him deeper.
The consequences of this will come later. The hell with it. All of this felt right. He could collect her. Keep her forever. It might be the greatest capture.
She felt his tongue press against her lips, felt the stubble scattered across his cheeks scrape her skin as he moved his head and deepened the kiss.
Her legs lifted, and she was straddling his lap. His body already seemed accustomed to her. She sank closer to him, just as he moaned into her mouth. All of this was fresh to her. Severine did what felt natural. This moment was a soothing balm to her feelings. She felt sated.
Her fingers drifted down his stomach toward the hem of his shirt. Everything in this moment was running like clockwork.
Until she caught the scent of Thayer.
Severine jerked away. Her back hit the steering wheel with a thud. She had encouraged this moment. Wanted it. Now it was tainted by her thoughts.
Macsen leaned his head against the headrest and stared at her with wide eyes. He swallowed loudly. Severine watched his Adam’s apple bob reflexively. She was still wrapped around him, close enough to feel how hard he was.
Inside, her heart was racing. Not from the kiss. It felt natural and easy. Instead, Severine felt as if she had been caught. She glanced around the cab, still paranoid.
Could Macsen feel her worries?
Severine finally moved off Macsen and adjusted her dress. She stared straight ahead, staring at nothing.
“What did we just do?” Macsen’s question came out with a slight shake. She wanted to take his nerves away. She had enough for the two of them. Her conscience urged to kiss him again, to snatch back the moment that was taken away from them.
She didn’t play upon her actions. Her heart warned her not to get any closer. “Are you worried?”
When he turned to look at her, Severine could see his honesty, even in the dark. “I’m worried about nothing.” For a second, he paused and raked a hand through his hair. “Where are we now?”
I have no f*cking clue...
Even as her mind yelled out those words, Severine wanted to hold on tightly to Macsen. Everything about him was right. He was absolute in himself. Right now she needed him. People like Severine, the ones that were too strong, too prideful, needed someone to keep them grounded. Maybe all this time, she had been waiting for someone like him.
With each thought that tumbled through her mind, she mentally shifted back. Severine was too ahead of the game. It was just a kiss. But it represented everything she could have, if she just plunged from the ledge of her fear and simply trusted.
Her smile was sweet as she nudged him, but her stomach was in complete knots. “I don’t know? The same place we were before we kissed?”
Those green eyes of his, that were normally so cheerful, bore straight at her with determination. “And what just happened...it meant nothing?”
This time, Severine veered away. He clutched her arm tightly from moving any closer to the door. Severine clenched her teeth together and frowned at his hand. She snatched her arm away. “No. Not nothing. Haven’t you ever just kissed anyone without anything happening afterwards?”
“Someone like you?” Macsen shook his head and slammed his baseball cap onto his head. “No. No one like you.”
“Me neither.”
“Tell me. Why the hell aren’t we together?” Severine gave him a bare expression. He pushed closer, his voice hushed. “You didn’t enjoy that? You haven’t been waiting weeks to do that?”
Severine was slow to respond, but when she did her words came out firmly. “I’ve been thinking about it.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
I’m sitting with you, in your brother’s truck. His presence is painted everywhere. “Nothing is wrong.”
“I know that’s bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit!” Severine snapped back quickly. “You think that kiss hasn’t already changed everything?” Her mouth opened up to say more, and on second thought, she meshed her lips tightly together to keep any more words from escaping.
“Go ahead, say the rest. What are you thinking?” Macsen said in a rush.
“I’m really thinking nothing except that maybe, maybe if I hadn’t kissed you, you wouldn’t be saying this stuff right now!” Her finger blindly reached behind her for the door handle. The air hit her lungs with a contentment she had never experienced. Thayer’s essence couldn’t smother her now.
She forced the door to close with her hand. It never slammed shut.
Macsen scrambled out behind her and ate her footsteps in seconds. Severine whirled around. Only inches separated them from crashing together.
“That was going to happen in the long run.”
Her mouth opened before she could think her words through. “By your watch, it would have been later.”
Severine wanted to regret it. But when he wrapped both of his hands lightly around her neck and kissed her aggressively, it was hard to feel anything but a strong amount of satisfaction. His lips moved over hers persuasively. Everything about this kiss made her positive she would be agonized by it later. Who would ever really want to pull away from this? Severine’s arms wrapped her arms tightly around Macsen’s waist. This time, she was the one to moan out her approval.
He was the first to pull away. With their noses touching, he rasped out, “What’s there to really think about?”