Echo Soul Seekers

thirty

Daire

When I get to Paloma’s, I’m not sure what to expect after staying out all night without telling anyone.

At the very least, I expect they’ll be worried.

At the very worst, they’ll be really, really angry.

Though maybe not Paloma. As a fellow Seeker, her expectations of me and my comings and goings differ from that of the average grandmother’s.

But Jennika? She’ll be in a frenzy for sure. My absence will hit all of her triggers. She’ll put two and two together and come up with three: Me + Dace = an unplanned pregnancy. Never stopping to think that I’ve got my own story to live—one that reads nothing like hers. Besides, Dace and I were careful, it’s not a baby we were making.

Though the scene I’m confronted with when I push through the door is not the one I expected.

Jennika is curled up on the couch, staring into the fire with a blanket wrapped snugly around her, while Paloma sits in an adjacent chair, sipping from a mug of fragrant herbal tea. The two of them sitting quietly, as though they weren’t even thinking, much less worried, about me.

I mumble a quiet greeting. Shooting a tentative, questioning look at Paloma, who merely smiles and nods in return.

“Did you have a good night?” Jennika asks, her eyes dark and sooty from the makeup she must’ve slept in. Breaking her own cardinal rule of: Thou shalt go to bed fresh of face. Leading me to believe she spent the night here.

I fill the space beside her and fold my knees underneath me. “The party was good.”

“And the after-party?”

We exchange a look. That’s not a question I intend to answer.

“At least tell me you were careful?” she prods.

I take a deep breath, unable to believe I’m having this conversation in front of my grandmother. “Of course.” I bite down on my lip, fingering the shiny gold key at my chest as I stare hard at her. She looks different. Vulnerable and soft in an almost malleable way. Like a long occupied space has suddenly vacated inside her. My voice softening, I add, “For the record, I really was listening during all of those awkward sex talks you forced on me.”

A ghost of a smile crosses her face as she wraps an arm around me and pulls me tightly to her. Burying her nose in my hair and inhaling deeply, she says, “Guess this means you’re back together?”

She pulls away and looks at me, and I nod in reply.

“You’re all grown up now.” She trails the pad of her thumb down my cheek. “I’ve got nothing left to teach you.”

“That’s not true,” I say, surprised to realize I mean it.

But she just shakes her head. “As it turns out, it appears I’m now learning from you.”

I squint, unsure of her meaning.

“I went through the box.”

I look to Paloma, seeing her smiling faintly as she nods toward my mom.

“And then Paloma and I had a long talk.”

I clamp my lips shut, not sure what that means.

How much of a talk?

About Django?

About me?

About me choosing to accept the biological inheritance he fought to deny?

Does this mean she knows I’m a Seeker?

She pushes a lock of hair from her face and levels her gaze on mine. “I think I’m beginning to realize just how much I don’t know about the world. Not to mention how much I’ve denied what I couldn’t bear to face. And while I won’t claim to like it—while I don’t like it one single bit—while I can barely wrap my head around the kind of future you face—I’m also left with no choice but to accept it. If I could do something, anything, to change it, I would. If I could volunteer on your behalf and take your place, I’d do that too. But Paloma tells me I can’t. Says I’ve done all that I could the last sixteen years, and now I need to leave you in the care of a force far greater than me.” She swallows hard, plants a kiss on the side of my head. Her voice a mere whisper, she says, “You know, I think Django would be proud of you—to know that you’re trying to complete the very thing he tried hard to flee … I think he’d be amazed by your courage and strength. I know I am.”

“I met him,” I say, seeing the way her gaze widens at the words. “During my vision quest. He came to me. Helped me. I couldn’t have survived it without him. He was so handsome too. I can see why you fell for him as hard as you did.”

Jennika’s gaze travels to a distant place—smiling faintly at his memory.

“He’s everywhere, you know. Paloma taught me that. You can talk to him wherever and whenever you want. But, honestly, I think he’d prefer you move on.”

She nods, pulls me back to her. “Don’t let that boy hurt you again.” The words are a fierce whisper.

“Still calling him that boy?”

Her shoulders lift, as she flips open the blanket, inviting me in.

“He didn’t mean to hurt me the first time. It was a misguided attempt to protect me, that’s all.” I inch closer, allowing her to envelop me in a cozy layer of wool.

“And don’t forget that you’re not just a Santos—a Seeker—you’re a Lyons as well. I’m part of that equation too, you know.”

“How could I forget?” I snuggle against her. “Besides, I wouldn’t have it any other way, would you?”

She shakes her head slightly, tightening her blanket around us, as we gaze into the flames. Watching as they crackle and spit, devouring the vertically stacked logs in Paloma’s kiva fireplace.

Our reverie broken when Paloma says, “Look—it’s raining!”

I look toward the window and, sure enough, the panes are streaming and wet.

“Not quite the snow I tried to manifest, but it’s a start, right?” I glance between my mother and grandmother.

Smiling with contentment when they say, “It is indeed.”

We remain like that for the better part of the morning. Three generations of females, staring into the rain—contemplating a future that yawns wide before us.

* * *

“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” I glance around the tiny hotel room while Jennika packs up the few things she brought. “I mean, I can see why you wouldn’t want to stay—this place is pretty dismal. Still, I’m going to miss you. It’s nice having you around. Especially now.”

“Why especially now?” She starts to fold a T-shirt into thirds, then gives up and squashes it instead.

“Because I hated lying to you. It feels so much better to have it all out in the open. It’s good to know you’re on board.”

“Did I have a choice?”

We exchange a look.

“At least you know for sure I’m not crazy. The visions—the crows—the glowing people—it’s all real.”

She sighs in a way that tells me that just because she accepts it, doesn’t mean that she likes it—doesn’t mean she wants to delve into the details. Then she motions for me to sit on top of her suitcase so she can zip it shut.

“So, where do you go from here?” She grits her teeth and tugs hard on the zipper.

“The Rabbit Hole. You?” I push down with both hands in an effort to help her.

“First home and then Harlan’s.” She secures the shiny black lock with a satisfying click.

“Yeah?” I look at her, my smile growing bigger when she swats at me, pushes me to my feet.

Doing her best to nix my hopes, she says, “I’m committing to meeting him for a drink. And if that goes well, I’ll let him buy me dinner. We’ll see where it leads. Baby steps, right?” She heaves her bag off the bed and yanks hard on the handle, pulling the bag upright. “Need a ride?”

I shake my head and follow her to the door. “It’s not far. Besides, I could use the walk.”

“It’s still raining,” she warns.

“Yeah, and I’m still trying for snow.”

She hugs me to her. Crushing me so tightly, I’m left gasping and laughing, as I croak, “I can’t breathe!”

“You be careful out there.” She slowly draws away. Fussing with my hair, rearranging the tumble of curls that survived the night surprisingly well.

“You be careful too.” I follow her to the car. Waiting until she drives away before I cross the street, ready to make good on my destiny.