The lights in the distance behind them wavered and disappeared, and she could tell they had crossed over to the Other land. Dragos climbed in altitude but just for a few more minutes. Soon they dropped into a large clearing.
She found her land legs as Dragos put her on her feet. She stared around, reveling in the wind and the quiet. The night sky on this side of the passage was strewn with filmy clouds. The shimmer of land magic was stronger than she had ever felt before. It called to her on a silver moon tide, rousing the caged creature that lived in her so that it wailed and threw itself against the inside of her skin, beating to get out. She stared at the etched silhouette of trees that rippled and swayed in the wind, wondering what this little jewel of a place would look like in the daytime.
Dragos shifted, but the gryphons didn’t. They took watch in four points around the clearing. Dragos walked up behind her. He put his arms around her, pulling her back against him. She breathed deep, crossed her arms over his and leaned her head back against his chest. Her blood ratcheted too fast through her veins. She said, “I feel like I’m at home and in exile at the same time. I wish I could settle down.”
“We have time. We’re not going to rush this. And this is not an all-or-nothing situation. If it doesn’t work the first time, we’ll learn from it and try again.” His voice was calm and quiet. He pressed a kiss to her temple. “I’m going to tell you some things now. Some of it is stuff I know, and some is just my opinion. I want you to listen to me: I am not asking you to do anything. If you want to turn around right now and go back to New York without trying, we’ll do that. All right?”
I love you, she almost said. She caught the words back just in time and instead gave him a jerky nod.
“You stand a greater chance of shifting if you give me your true Name.” His arms tightened, although she hadn’t moved. “I’m not asking you to give me your Name. We can try this without it. I’m just telling you that I can help you better if I know it. Sometimes half-breeds get caught in midtransition and they’re unable to complete the change. If that happens I can pull you over with your Name.”
“All right,” she said, her breathing choppy. “What else?”
“I’ve been giving this some thought. I know your mother has put protection spells on you. I could feel them right away when I first tried to beguile you. How long have you had them?”
“Ever since I can remember,” she replied. She tilted her head back to look up at him. His head was dark against the night sky, but she could see the faint lines of his face and the dark glitter of his eyes. “Mom was always worried that something might happen to her before I grew up. She was also worried about me being a half-breed, since I wasn’t as strong as she was and I couldn’t do half the things she could. I think she felt guilty for having me.”
His hand circled her throat underneath her chin. He kissed her mouth. “It’s clear she loved you very much and all she meant to do was keep you safe. She never meant to hurt you in any way.”
“She did,” Pia said.
Dragos continued, “I don’t know this for sure, but I’m guessing those protection spells are hampering your change. They’re very tightly woven around your core. So the way I see it, you have a couple of choices. You can try to shift just the way you are, and for all I know you’ll be able to. But if you want to give this your strongest shot, I think you should at least remove the protection spells while you try to shift. Sharing your Name is another issue altogether. It’s a pretty radical step. But I wanted you to know it’s on the table too.”
Panic tried to take her over. She fought an overwhelming urge to bolt. What the hell was she doing? This was going in the exact opposite direction of everything she had ever been taught. She gritted, “Give me a minute.”
“Take your time,” he said, his voice quiet and calm. He rubbed her arms.
Could her mother have trapped her with the very spells that were meant to keep her safe? How could she trust Dragos so much?
They were standing in the open, but she still felt the cage inside. She had always felt she was never strong or good enough. Next to her mother’s shining, radiant beauty, she felt dull as dirt and inadequate.
She knew her mother had loved her and would have hated to find out she had made her feel this way. But her mother had always been so afraid for her. Had her father’s death made her mother that fearful?
“I don’t want to live this way any longer,” she whispered. Dragos’s hands clenched on her, but he remained silent. She turned to face him. “I can’t take off the protection spells. I don’t know how. Can you remove them?”
“Not without hurting you.” He cupped her face in his hands. “And I will not do that.”
What if I tell you my Name? she asked, unable to say the words out loud.
Then yes, I could.
She looked up at the sky and told him her Name.