TRUTH OR DARE
*Gideon*
“I won’t blame you for this.
I won’t dare judge you!
For it wasn’t your fault that
I only saw what I wanted to see.”
Melody Manful
It had been a long week, the longest week of my life. I didn’t mean to stay away from Earth, but I did. Now I was back in the place where I spent most of my existence, and I felt as though I were a stranger.
Earth had never looked or felt so different; standing near a San Franciscan cemetery didn’t even bring me joy. I felt nothing, but then again how was I supposed to feel anything when Abigail was crying right in front of me?
Abigail was standing beside her mother, and they were looking at the gravestone in front of them with tears in their eyes. I couldn’t move or even make a sound when she turned and scanned the cemetery as if looking for someone. Tristan stood invisibly beside them.
I didn’t want to be in the cemetery. I had stayed away an entire week, during which I did my best to avoid everyone, but how could I stay away when Valoel was constantly breathing down my neck? She wouldn’t leave me alone until I returned to Abigail, and it was an ultimatum I couldn’t say no to.
When D brought me home after the incident on the bridge, I refused to return to Earth. All I did was think about Abigail, and when I couldn’t get her out of my mind, all I did was attack angels. I told myself that I wasn’t in love with her. The reason I killed wasn’t just to forget her; it was also to convince myself that there wasn’t a new Gideon, that I was still the same old hateful Gideon. But nothing I did proved me right. I couldn’t believe that a single human was all it took to turn my world upside down.
After about half an hour, Mrs. Cells left in one car, leaving a limo and two guards behind for Abigail. The limo was parked beside the cemetery, not far from where Abigail stood. The bodyguards stood beside it, watching her.
Gideon, how have you been? I missed those days when I was away from Tristan and he couldn’t force his thoughts into my head.
Can’t you for once in your godforsaken life pretend you don’t exist?
Although I felt Tristan’s emotions, I only caught a fraction of the pain he was in, and even though it faded after a few seconds, I had never experienced such pain in my life. I was sure his pain would kill anymore who felt it for more than a few seconds, but Tristan looked unfazed.
So, where have you been? And there he went again acting like nothing was wrong.
Did you talk to your parents about whatever this connection with us is? I didn’t want to feel his unbearable sorrow any longer.
My father knew nothing, and my mother started crying when I told her. Why don’t you ask your father?
I can’t ask my father. We don’t ask each other personal questions. Questions weren’t the only thing my father and I didn’t ask. We didn’t talk much, and he hardly acknowledged my existence because he was scared of me.
I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to—
Why do you always pretend you’re fine, even when you hurt so much? I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me and my messed up relationship with my father.
Because I have to, Gideon; it’s my job to be strong for everyone, and I can’t allow myself to feel weak.
I didn’t even know what the hell Tristan meant by that.
You’re allowed to feel. I don’t know how the whole nice guy thing works, but I’m pretty sure you are allowed to scream when you’re hurting like I know you are.
Really? Gideon, when the angels think of a savior, they think of me! When they need a hero, they call out to me! I have to protect our race and the humans from you! Tristan’s voice rang out in my head. I could feel his sadness and confusion—the feeling of anger was new to him.
I can’t even have a second to breathe for myself. Whenever someone around me hurts, I hurt three times as much, so yes, having the weight of the entire world on my shoulders really hurts! Suddenly, he sounded angry.
Shouting and anger wasn’t something I thought Tristan could do or feel; after all, he was normally calm, collected, nice Tristan, and it seemed I forced him to open up.
No matter how much I try, I can never help everyone. I can’t protect them all, and it kills me. But, I shouldn’t complain.
I’m sure you can take a break from being a nice guy, and you don’t have to protect everyone. I had no idea where the words I was saying were coming from or why I felt bad for Tristan. Was I sick again?
Tristan laughed. You are really starting to sound like you care.
It’s all part of the act, Tristan, so don’t be fooled by it.
“Dad,” Abigail cried. “I am so sorry. This is all my fault.” Both Tristan and I turned to Abigail, who was now kneeling beside a gravestone, crying.
“No, Abigail.” I didn’t know what came over me, but I was beside her in a flash, and to my great surprise, I was visible.
“Gideon,” she cried and whirled to face me.
Making sure her bodyguards wouldn’t see me, I created an illusion so they’d continued to see Abigail kneeling by the graves until I left.
“Are you okay?” I asked in a worried voice, staring at her curiously. I knew why she was sad. I just didn’t know why she wasn’t shouting at me for answers.
“No,” she glanced at the two graves. “They’re both gone because of me.”
“No, it’s not your fault.” I turned away from her.
“Yes, it is, you were there…” She paused. “It was you, right?”
I nodded in agreement.
“How did you…?” She inhaled, and I realized the questions were forming in her mind.
“You should go home.” I didn’t want to tell her who I was. Valoel had said to come see her, and that was what I was doing. Now I had seen her, and she had seen me, so I needed to get away from her so that I could start longing for her. Great plan!
“You’re not going to tell me why you saved me?”
“I didn’t save you, Abigail.” Immediately her sadness was replaced by confusion.
“What are you talking about?”
I didn’t know the right way to tell her that I actually failed in an attempt to murder her.
“What are you talking about, Gideon?” she demanded.
Did I dare tell her what she wanted to hear?