THE STRUGGLE
“It would be easier to break,
but I’m going to keep my head high
just to make you believe I’m stronger,
so I can hurt in silence.”
Melody Manful
No matter what I did, sleep wouldn’t come. Instead, I stared at the red letters of the clock as they flashed the numbers of each passing minute.
The next day, I stayed in bed until Sunday evening when my mother forced me to get out of bed to get some air.
When Monday came, I lied and told my mother that I hadn’t been feeling well, so she allowed me to stay home. I was no longer crippled by my fear, but I was still unsettled and sad.
When I woke up Tuesday morning, I felt better than I had in days. I decided if Gideon was going to kill me, he’d have done it by now. I still told my mother I wasn’t yet well enough for school, and this time, she decided to stay home with me.
It didn’t take her long to figure out that I was upset rather than sick, because I turned down every medicine she tried to give me. She asked what was wrong, but since I didn’t want to drag her into my crazy world, I said it was nothing and that I had just needed some time alone. Her way of trying to cheer me up was for us to eat a lot of ice cream and to model the new dresses in her clothing line. At first I didn’t want to do anything, but once she convinced me to try on a few dresses, I found I actually enjoyed it because it kept my mind busy.
My friends stopped by to visit after school. They assumed I was sick because I had already missed two days of classes. Tristan looked sad and distracted throughout the whole visit, but I wasn’t sure what was wrong with him.
“I think something is going around school because Gideon is out sick, too,” Jake said.
“He hasn’t been to school?” I asked in surprise.
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Tristan said.
“Well, I’m fine now. I’ll be in school tomorrow,” I said.
My friends stayed a little longer with me. Sarah and Tristan walked me through what I had missed at school. After they all left, I was left with tons of homework assignments and a mind filled with questions about why Gideon wasn’t going to school.
When I went to school on Wednesday, I immediately regretted my decision because I spent the day jumping at every little sound I heard. Luckily for me, Gideon didn’t show up for classes. While I was relieved he wasn’t there, I wasn’t completely relaxed. When school ended for the day, my friends and I went shopping for Sarah’s dress for the dance. The boys quickly got tired of shopping because she was being so picky about the dresses and couldn’t decide which one Caleb would like.
“At this rate, only Mrs. Cells could tell you how good you look and you’d believe it,” Danny said, exasperated.
Sarah instantly gave him a hug. “You’re a genius,” she told him. “Let’s go visit the fashion goddess.”
We all piled into one car and drove to my mother’s boutique. My mother was more than happy to help Sarah, and when she asked me why I wasn’t going, I lied and told her it was because I wasn’t up for it.
Tristan offered to take me if I wanted to go, but I told him I was too far behind on my schoolwork and needed to catch up. I pretended I was fine that Gideon wasn’t around, but it was a lie. I missed him making fun of everything, and making me feel special. I missed how he made me laugh and how he always knew what to say. Remembering the good times didn’t stop me from thinking about the nightmare version of Gideon, though. I remembered how much he scared me, and I decided maybe it was better that he wasn’t around. Whatever he was, he wasn’t good for me.
After the rather long shopping trip with my friends, they said goodbye and left. My mother and I drove home together. As soon as I got to my bedroom, Logan called me to come outside for training, since I had texted and cancelled our last training session after Gideon left.
“Don’t look so down. You’re making up for missing practice on Friday,” Logan said the moment I stepped unto the field.
Logan stood beside a table covered with guns, arrows, and bows.
“Why did you call and cancel anyway?” He asked.
“Like I told you before, I had a headache.” I walked past him. It was more of a heartache, but how was I supposed to tell him I went to ask a boy out only to find out he wasn’t human? He wouldn’t believe the truth anyway.
One of the weapons on the table caught my eye. I walked over to it and asked, “Logan, is that an AK-47?”
Logan smiled when he picked up the gun. “Yeah, isn’t it a beauty?” He handed the gun to me.
I took it carefully. “Wow, that’s beautiful.” My voice filled with delight. “Hint, hint, my birthday is coming up.”
“Girls ask for dolls, Abby,” Logan teased. He reached for the gun, but I shook my head. I wasn’t yet done admiring it. If only I could show the same interest in all the fancy dresses my mother bought me.
“Screw the dolls. Let’s go blow something up,” I said as Logan handed me earplugs and shooting earmuffs. I put down the gun so I could adjust the ear protection, and then I picked it back up.
“I’m guessing with the mood swings, you must have a guy problem?” Logan ventured. “You looked sad when you came out.”
“What is this, Logan, a therapy session?” I hung the AK-47 around my neck.
“All right, I can take a hint. I’ll butt out,” he said. “Oh, I looked over the footage from your balcony a few nights ago,” he told me as he pulled on his own earmuffs. “Definitely looks like you jumped. Dangerous, but cool.”
“I guess I slipped,” I lied. I knew I hadn’t jumped off the balcony, but I couldn’t have Logan snooping around outside my room in case I wanted to sneak out again someday.
“You should be careful though. It’s a long drop from your balcony.”
“Got it, mom,” I teased, and then I aimed at the target at the middle of the field and fired. Some of the bullets hit the target, but others flew past it.
“So, who is this guy you’re angry at?” Logan asked as he shot his own gun.
I fired again. “I’m a little busy here, Logan!” I shouted over the noise. The bullet missed the target again.
“Where’s your head, Abigail?” Logan asked. “You’re disgracing a very beautiful gun.”
“My head is here,” I lied. My mind really wasn’t. I only came to training because I needed the distraction. I needed to get my mind off Gideon.
“Let’s change guns,” Logan said and traded his gun for the AK-47. “And please, shoot the target and not the ground this time.”
Even though I was trying hard to hit the target, once again, I only managed to hit its edge a couple times. Most of my bullets flew through the empty air and hit the ground. Logan let me get away with this for a few more minutes, and then he stopped me when I shot an arrow from the bow and couldn’t hit the target like he knew I could.
“Abigail, your head isn’t in the game,” Logan said, and he sounded irritated. “I’ve told you again and again, this isn’t a joke. You can’t come here and not take this seriously.”
“I am taking this seriously!” I shouted defensively.
“You can go inside now,” Logan said, and then immediately he reached for the bow in my hand. He turned his back on me, and he started cleaning up, making it obvious that our conversation was over.
I yanked my earmuffs off, put them back on the table, and then walked into the house and didn’t stop until I reached my bedroom. Logan had never sounded so angry with me before. I felt it would be best to just leave him alone.
When I got to my room, I was angrier with myself than I was with Logan. I was angry that I couldn’t stop thinking about Gideon long enough to get my head into training. He was gone, and still he remained a distraction!
Thursday morning when I went to the kitchen for breakfast, my mother was already in there.
“Good morning, Mom.” I gave her a kiss and then hoisted myself onto the kitchen countertop.
My mother liked rooms with an open floor plan, so our black and white, modern kitchen, with its horizontal curved countertop and two huge glass cupboards, was airy and open. On the wall hung an oversize black and white photograph of me when I was little.
I ate breakfast with her, and we talked about her new collection. We also talked about my father coming to visit soon, which made both of us happy. For once, I put my anger and fear aside long enough to feel happy together with her.
Once again, Gideon didn’t come to school. My friends didn’t think it was a big deal. Jake and Danny said he went to a convention for bad boys. And Sarah said he wasn’t there because he found out he was too cool for school. For some reason, they all said he might have been sick the first day, but he was just milking it now. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t there, but I stopped being frightened of him. I actually wanted him to come back to school so I could make him answer all my questions.
Danny and Jake finally asked two girls to the dance during lunch. The guys were fooling around, asking to borrow suits, and the girls couldn’t wait to wear their beautiful, one-of-a-kind dresses. I smiled and pretended to be interested in their conversations, but I felt a little sad to know I wouldn’t be shopping for a dress or even going to the dance.
After school, I decided to try and move on. Well, move on, as in go home and let Logan find information on Gideon. That was if I could admit I had a guy problem and apologize to Logan for wasting his time during training yesterday.
Later that afternoon, I found Logan outside. He was setting the place for our next training session. I asked him if he would help me find information on Gideon. At first he said no, but after I apologized for my lack of concentration during our last session, his face lit up.
“I thought I taught you better than that, Abigail,” he said when I explained I wanted us to hack into every database we could to find information on Gideon.
“No, you did. I’m not saying you should do it. I just want to use your computer, that’s all.”
He didn’t say no, so I rushed to get his computer. I searched for Gideon Chase in every database I could find, including the FBI, CIA, and Interpol, but nothing came up. Well, there were other Gideon Chase’s on the planet, but none of them matched my Gideon.
“That’s odd. Is this guy an alien?” Logan joked when he tried and couldn’t find anything either.
Gideon was suddenly like a mystery that couldn’t be solved. However, I loved solving mysteries.
“There has to be another way to get the information we need,” I mused.
“How about a sample of his hair?” Logan asked, “Or maybe Gideon Chase isn’t really his name.”
Logan spouted off a lot of reasons why Gideon’s name didn’t show up anywhere. I had only one, and it was the fact that he wasn’t human.