CHASING DAWN
“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
Lao-Tze
I remembered when Thursday mornings meant getting breakfast at the town square just before I left for Earth. And by getting breakfast, I meant killing innocent creatures for the fun of it.
This Thursday morning, however, the moment the sun rose, I stormed out of my room as if someone was after me.
“Wow, Gideon, slow down. Where are you going?” Valoel asked the moment I rushed down the stairs.
I stopped. My entire family was in the living room, and all of them stared at me.
“I…” I looked from my father to my mother and then to Valoel. They wore the same look on their faces—surprise. “School. I’m going to school. You know, to try and kill Tristan’s ènas and stuff.” And then without waiting for them to respond, I raced out the door.
“Is he all right?” I overhead my mother asking.
“I don’t know. I think so,” Valoel answered.
“Can you find out if he’s okay?” My father asked, and not wanting to hear more, I flew into the air.
When I arrived at school, I stopped in front of the main gate before making myself visible. Since I couldn’t sense Tristan, I knew Abigail wasn’t at school yet.
I paced in front of the main gate. The students who passed either smiled or stared at me. I had formed a plan—follow Abigail to the library, and when everyone was busy having fun, kill her unexpectedly so Tristan wouldn’t know what was coming. I could pretend to be involved and let the children play games that would get them to laugh, which would also encourage Tristan to laugh and feel happy. Just when he would least expect it, bang! I’d kill Abigail.
Five minutes passed as I paced, just waiting for her—the longest five minutes of my existence. I was about to give up when I spotted Abigail’s limo pulling into the parking lot, with Tristan invisibly beside it.
When her limo stopped and Abigail got out, her eyes quickly found me. She smiled and waved. I did the same, until her mother got out of the limo and signaled for me to come over.
“Mom, this is Gideon. Gideon, my mom,” Abigail introduced.
I stretched out my hand and greeted her. “Nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Cells,” I said politely, and Tristan, who stood beside Abigail, smiled at me.
“So, you’re Gideon,” Mrs. Cells said, looking from me to her daughter. “The boyfriend from the library?”
Abigail blushed. “He—”
Her mother cut her off and turned to me. Suddenly, I felt as if I were in a spotlight. “A librarian called yesterday to remind Abigail to bring her boyfriend today because the children requested it,” Mrs. Cells said. “A boyfriend whom I was told is named Gideon.”
I didn’t know what to tell Mrs. Cells, and the situation would have been much better if Tristan wasn’t standing beside Abigail and grinning at us. “Mom, would you just—”
“So, are you and my daughter dating?” she asked, ignoring Abigail.
Based on the expression on Mrs. Cells’ face, I knew she wanted me to say no, but I was pretty sure no would be the wrong answer. I breathed in. “I…Abigail says I’m a jerk, and unless I can prove otherwise, I can’t answer that question.” After I said this, both Abigail and her mother gawked at me.
“Honey, is he a jerk?” Mrs. Cells asked with a teasing smile.
We both looked at Abigail. “Hmm…he is…well, you know, he’s…don’t you have work, Mom?” Abigail’s mother and I laughed.
“All right, I know when I’m not wanted.” Mrs. Cells turned to me again. “I’ve got my eyes on you, young man.” She gave Abigail a goodbye kiss on the cheek and reentered the limo.
Abigail and I stood and waved as it drove away.
“That could have been worse,” I whispered with my eyes on the limo.
Abigail looked shy and awkward as she responded, “Way worse.” We started heading into the school with Tristan close behind us.
The day went well—too well. I spent every moment with Abigail and didn’t get any chance to kill her because Tristan was everywhere.
When school was over, I found myself at the library once more. One moment Abigail had been leaving school and saying goodbye, telling us she was going to the library, and the next moment, I was telling her I wanted to join her because the children loved me. What I didn’t tell her was how much I didn’t like them back.
Felix and Ben had both stared at me when Abigail said I was going to be riding with her to the library. Inside the limo, Abigail kept looking at Ben and then back at me, as if she were waiting for something to happen. I asked her what was wrong, but she said it was nothing.
Tristan followed us invisibly to the library.
The book Abigail wanted to read to the children had been delayed in shipping, and thanks to me and my big mouth, I suggested we make up our own story.
We had come up with a ridiculous tale about a pirate captain, an evil stepmother, a beautiful maiden, and an awesome knight. Now it was up to us to act it out.
I still couldn’t believe the fast, unexpected twist in my plot to kill Abigail. How had I let four days go by without killing her? Was I going soft? Why couldn’t I just get rid of her? Had I even been trying hard enough to get rid of her? Of course I had.
So why the heck was I sitting beside her with my hand in hers, playing with a bunch of useless children?
“I’ll be the pirate!” Vincent exclaimed when we asked for volunteers.
Once the roles were assigned, we started acting out the scenes of our story. Finally, we reached the ending, and I, playing the awesome knight, rescued the beautiful maiden, Abigail.
“O wonderful knight, thank you so much for rescuing me.” Abigail curtseyed.
“My pleasure, beautiful maiden.” I bowed. “Marry me,” I said and stepped closer, taking her hands in mine. “Please, marry me,” I said earnestly, and then Abigail’s heartbeat quickened, and I realized it was because I was standing so close.
“Where’s the pastor?” I heard someone ask. I stared into Abigail’s beautiful eyes.
What the hell was I doing? Was I sick?
“I’m here,” someone said. “Dearly beloved—”
“I object!” Vincent shouted, and both Abigail and I turned to him. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” We all laughed, except for Tristan, who for some reason didn’t seem to understand what I was doing. He stood invisibly behind the children.
“We are…blah blah…” the young pastor said. “You are married. You may now kiss the bride.”
My eyes met Abigail’s, and for a split second, I wanted my lie to be true. I wanted Abigail to be my girlfriend. I wanted it to be true so I could kiss her. Yeah, now I knew for sure that I was sick!
Abigail’s heart pounded faster when I leaned toward her. What was wrong with me?
“We don’t...” Whatever Abigail started to say trailed off.
I could feel Abigail’s breath on my lips because of how close we were. It took every bit of willpower I had to not kiss her fully on the lips. When my lips finally touched her, they pressed against the corner of her mouth.
The children cheered, and at the sound of their voices, I pulled away.
My eyes met Tristan’s, and the look on his face was indecipherable. Could he tell something was wrong with me, or was he as surprised as I was?
After that rather awful displacement of my sanity, I said a quick goodbye and left, coming up with a ridiculous excuse that I needed to go home and help my mother move furniture. Abigail offered to drive me, but I said I’d take the bus.
But, of course, I didn’t go to the bus stop or home to help my mother with her furniture. I went straight to the Underworld to visit D. I wanted to see her because she was the only friend I had. I wanted to ask her if she knew of an angel disease I didn’t know of, because I was certain I was sick.
“D, open this stupid gate or I’m breaking it down!” I shouted as I retracted my wings.
Every time I wanted to visit D, I had to wait behind the monstrous gate for her to open it. The Underworld was the darkest place I knew. Its huge, iron black gate extended high into the dark sky. Behind the gate lay an envelope of darkness out of which voices of unfortunate souls could be heard.
The Underworld wasn’t my favorite place, but I didn’t dislike it. The sad cries and screaming were like sweet melodies to my ears. I liked listening to the cries of lost souls asking for help in a place where help never came.
“D, I swear if you—”
“Relax, Gideon. I could hear you all the way from Earth!” D appeared beside me. “What’s the problem?”
“Remember the human girl that I wanted to kill?” I asked. I didn’t know why I said wanted to kill, because I still wanted to kill her. Didn’t I?
“Tristan’s human? Is she dead? Did you come here so we could celebrate?”
“No, she’s not dead!” I shouted angrily. “She’s still alive and—”
“Alive?” she asked, sounding surprised. “Don’t you have a three-day policy or something?”
Worst friend ever, pointing out my failures when all I wanted was help.
I glared. “Don’t you think I know this already?”
“Why are you so worked up? Can’t you just kill her now or later? What’s the problem?”
“The problem is that I can’t kill her!” I shouted. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, and the air around me was too dense, suffocating me. Was I having a meltdown? “Whenever I try to hurt her, I feel…I feel something.”
“Feel something? What the hell does that mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I wanted…I want to kiss her,” I said, and D broke into laughter.
“Wait. You’re serious?” she asked. She stopped laughing after seeing that I wasn’t joking. “Well, go kiss her and then kill her. Problem solved.”
“But I can’t…it’s Friday tomorrow.” What the hell was wrong with me? So what if it was Friday tomorrow?
“And it’s Thursday today. Your point?”
D didn’t understand the length of the problem.
“Fine. Don’t kill her tomorrow. How about the day after or the next?” she proposed.
“She’s supposed to get a new book this Saturday. We have to read to the children on Monday, so I can’t kill her.”
“The children? A book?” D stared at me, a look of confusion marring her features. “What the hell is wrong with you? You can’t kill her tomorrow because it’s Friday, and you can’t kill her this weekend because of a book?”
When she put it like that, it did sound like a really stupid, pathetic excuse. I wanted to kill Abigail—well, maybe not as much as I did before—but what if I killed her and…and I… Gideon, back away from that thought.
D stepped closer to me. “Wait a minute. Don’t tell me that you are f—”
D didn’t finish her sentence because I grabbed her by the neck, and she choked on her words. “Don’t you dare say that out loud,” I whispered through clenched teeth. I released her.
“We have a problem,” D said when I let go of her. “Come on, let’s go hit you on the head with something and return you to normal.”
Now that was the friend I was looking for. I was actually thinking of doing the same thing. “I vote for a car,” I said as D took my hand, and we disappeared into the darkness.