Divided

chapter TWENTY-EIGHT

Vittorio left me in bed to sleep. I didn’t want him to leave me alone, but was scared to ask for more from him. I let him go, and must have fallen asleep almost as soon as he left. The day’s training and emotional outpouring had exhausted me.

I didn’t sleep well, and woke several times, always disappointed not to find Vittorio next to me. Finally, I could attempt sleep no more, weary though I was, so went to find Vittorio.

The door to his study was closed. I gave a soft knock, hoping both that he was and was not in there. I wanted to see him, but if I did, he would have the opportunity to change his mind and tell me to leave and never come back. To tell me he hated me. Or worse, that he’d been mistaken about loving me.

He called for me to come in so softly I might have imagined it.

I slowly opened the door, but didn’t enter.

Vittorio sat at his desk, head in his hands. He did not look up.

I did not move.

After long moments of silence, I turned to go. “I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

As I began pulling the door shut behind me, Vittorio called out, “Wait.”

I stopped, but did not turn around.

“Sit down.”

I almost sat on the floor, right there in the doorway, but realized that would be silly. He must mean for me to sit in a chair. But had he told me to jump off a building, I would have if it meant he wouldn’t leave me. My brain really wasn’t working properly, my thoughts a mess of pain and regret.

“Clavius was right. I was blinded by my love for you.”

“But I’m not trying to steal anyone’s position. I only want your love.”

“That may be, but you lied to me. How do I know if anything you told me was the truth? It’s vital that we are careful about who we trust with knowledge of the coven. I have told everything to someone who was not honest with me.”

“Can’t you look into my heart? I’ve nothing else to hide.” I clenched my hands in my lap, silently praying for him to believe me.

“I am frightened to.” He finally looked up at my face, and I saw that his eyes were red.

I wanted to hang my head in shame, but feared not meeting his gaze would be a sign I had more to hide.

Vittorio looked away first. Only then did I bow my head and give in to silent tears.

“I know Courtney.”

I jerked my head up to look at him. “You do?”

He nodded, face blank, but tightness around his lips and eyes showed it was a struggle for him to maintain that blankness. “Miriam has been a member of the coven for several years. She brought Courtney to us a few months ago. At first, Clavius told her to leave, but Miriam insisted she be allowed to hang around.”

“And Clavius listened to a twenty year old?”

“Elizabeth is Miriam’s aunt. She convinced Clavius, though it is a bit strange.”

I drew in a sharp breath, eyes wide. “Does Courtney know about magic?”

“I do not believe so. It is the most important secret among us. Miriam is impulsive, but she idolizes her aunt, and would not risk Clavius’ anger by telling Courtney. She does know of our beliefs, and wants to join the coven.”

“Is Courtney okay?” Even amidst my own guilt, I feared having to tell Ms. Carmen something bad had happened to her daughter.

“She is safe. She has been staying at Miriam’s apartment.”

“Will you introduce me to her?” Focusing on the case was easier than dealing with my emotions.

“I will. But you are right, it must seem natural. I do not talk to her much, but she has made her hatred of her mother clear. It will have to seem like a chance meeting at The Chapel.”

“Thank you. I have to call her mother and let her know Courtney is alright.” I almost darted out of the room, but stopped at the doorway. I turned and looked at Vittorio. His face was wistful. When I opened my mouth to ask why, the neutral expression returned. I left without another word, wanting to know what was on his mind, yet fearing it at the same time. He told me about Courtney; that must be a positive sign that he was going to give me another chance.

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